


Soul Tree

by RedGold



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Loki Needs a Hug, PG-13 Sexy Times, Post-Avengers, Romance, Slow Burn, until
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 06:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5774734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedGold/pseuds/RedGold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Near a hundred years before Loki invaded Midgard, he lost his beloved wife, Sigyn, to the depths of the Yggdrasil. It was an event he never recovered from, not that he would ever admit to that for fear of looking weak.</p><p>Now, six months after the invasion, the Avengers are holding Loki on Midgard. They want to know who ordered the attack, and what they can do to prevent another. Loki is less than helpful, of course.</p><p>When Thor comes across a woman who looks exactly like his deceased sister-in-law, could it be coincidence? Or have the Norns brought Sigyn back to Loki at a time he would need her most?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prisoner

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Soul Mate AU, which is amazing considering all the fan fiction I've written in the past on other forums.  
> It's looking to be as long as my Serpent and the Liar story, so settle in for some angsty slow burn romance ahead. Enjoy!

Loki did not pace, nor did he fidget. But when he was young, if you pointed out to him that he was doing exactly that, then you were likely to run into a string of bad luck for the next few days. But that was in his youth when such actions as pacing were annoying, but hardly scandalous. 

Now… now he dare not show a solitary sign of any point of weakness. 

Not if he wished to come out on top of this precarious situation he had found himself in.

“Loki,” the voice of his brother, sorry, his kidnapper’s son, boomed through the room with little effort from the man.

“Thor,” Loki replied casually as he flipped the page of the magazine he was reading. 

It had been a joke. ‘Let me know if _real power_ needs a magazine’, the one named Fury had said. This was when Loki was imprisoned on the flying fortress. His imprisonment on the helicarrier was a ruse of course, so Loki didn’t mind taunting his jailer. He knew the Hawked one would follow the plan and Loki would walk off the fortress within in the day.

There was really no point in it. To any of it. The destruction. The Invasion. Germany.

He could have walked into the research facility himself and stolen the element that the scientist needed. A simple illusion and no one would have known he was there. Hel, if he had truly wanted Midgard, he need not to bother invading it. No, it would have been so much easier to come down as the God he was. Offer the Midgardians everything they ever desired, and then some. 

Loki would have them all kneeling before him and thanking him for the honor to do so.

But that is not what _he_ wanted. _He_ was a subtle as Thor’s hammer. Blunt and useful for little more than breaking rocks.

“We need to talk,” Thor said as he approached the energy field that lined the edge of Loki’s new, more permanent prison in the bowls of the Avengers Tower. There was something poetic about them choosing to hold him there, the scene of his triumph and fall. 

“I haven’t finished.” Loki lightly gestured with the magazine, not bothering to do so much as shift in his seat. “It’s quite fascinating.”

The goal had been to fail.

Of course he had to make it look good and that meant some Midgardian causalities. He tried to keep it as minimal as possible. He only opened one breech point. And he told the Chitarui to attempt to capture the Midgardians, citing the fact that there was no point in enslaving the population if there was no one left to enslave. 

And the less that died the less he’d have to hear about it from Thor.

“Loki,” Thor said a bit more forcefully. “You’ve been many things in all your years, but never so uncaring and callous.”

“Not according to the Midgardians,” Loki replied with a snort, turning the page. “I was the villain to them long before I ever became one.”

He thought that after Thor and his new friends had stopped him, that he would be taken back to Asgard. Surely the All-Father would want to bury Loki in a hole somewhere deep and dark to cover up his sins. Instead, Loki was allowed to remain as prisoner of Midgard to answer to his crimes committed against the American and German Midgardians. 

It was an interesting tactical move by the King, one which Loki had spent every night of the past several months mulling over. Did Odin believe that leaving Loki in another realm a safer bet? Surely not, for Loki could find his way out of any prison. Eventually. So would it not do to have Loki closer at hand?

Oh well, Loki was away from _him_. 

Hopefully the spectacular failure that Loki engineered would mean that _he_ would find Loki not worth _his_ further trouble. 

That was the true goal.

“I’ve read that article, yes,” Thor admitted in a much more level tone, gesturing to the magazine. 

Loki glanced up with his eyes only. “Why, dear _brother_. I didn’t know you could read… Midgardian.”

“It’s called English,” Thor corrected him. “Just one of the many languages created by the people of this world.”

“Yes,” he replied drolly and looked back down at the magazine, “very creative people indeed.”

With the aid of some magic dampening shackles provided by Thor, the Midgardians were able to secure Loki until his final prison could be built. The walls were made of some of the strongest metals to be found on Midgard. There was of course stronger in the universe, but with the thickness they used and the reinforcement beams, it would take Loki far too long to punch through. 

The weak point was the energy field. Thor must have had some input in that as well due to the nature of the field. It was tuned properly enough to allow all but Loki to pass through. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but Loki was rather impressed. On second thought, Thor must have gotten some help from Asgard. Thor wasn’t stupid, but Loki couldn’t see his brother knowing this particular science well enough to pull off such a feat.

But the fact that Thor would ask for help? That perhaps impressed Loki even more. His brother had changed, for the better it seemed. Loki would almost be proud of his older brother, if it wasn’t for the baggage such thoughts would come with.

The shield was a hurdle, so Loki’s best option were the emitters at the edges. His magic was dampened inside the room. He could still use some of the more basic illusionary tricks, but he would not be able to summon anything from the pocket voids to aid himself.

Loki chuckled. “Their stories paint you as something of a dolt, so I suppose they aren’t all that bad after all.”

The magazine in his hand was called ‘Time’ and it was a ‘special edition’, whatever that meant in this realm. It was a discourse over the history of Norse Mythology as they knew it. Well, before Thor and Loki appeared and changed their way of thinking about history. 

The Furious one had tossed it at him, making some glib comment in echo of their time on the flying fortress. Loki took the magazine and read it, every last word and image memorized and dissected. Not only did it give him a good idea of the state of Midgard after his attempted invasion, but he was sure his actions annoyed Fury to no end.

“The horse though,” Loki frowned, then tsked, “completely taken out of context.”

“Enough,” Thor almost commanded, his voice tired. “I’ve come to ask you again, Loki. Who was it who sent you here? Who wishes such destruction against Midgard?”

“Not this again?” Loki sighed as if his brother was tiresome, which wasn’t far from the truth. He tossed the magazine to the side, it landing on the small bed, one of the few amenities in the room. There was a small side section that the Midgardians called a ‘bathroom’, despite having a bath, which was positively medieval in its design. Though he’d been on the planet long enough to know it was actually the height of function.

He’d already tried to find a weak spot in the plumbing but that was unfruitful.

“Who sent you to Midgard?” Thor replied a bit more forcefully. “The Chitauri were under your command but they were not sent here by you.”

“Why not?” Loki shot back a bit snidely, standing from the chair. “You’ve led armies into battle, Thor. It’s what princes do.”

“But it’s not what you do,” Thor countered firmly. 

And there it was, the only part of the plan he could do nothing about. There was simply no way to hide the fact that it just wasn’t his style. No, Loki was far too clever to go barging in like a drunken bildgesnipe.

Thor knew that.

“I thought that’s what father wanted,” Loki replied flippantly, “sorry, your father. He was always so proud of his golden son who knew nothing better than to just hit everything within striking distance.”

“I’ve learned the err of my ways,” Thor replied without shame, “and I know now I should have heeded your council moreso than I did.”

“Well, better late than never, as the Midgardians say,” Loki said dismissively and took a few steps as if he had become completely disinterested in the conversation. 

“Whoever sent you,” Thor continued, tracking Loki’s movement, “they aren’t finished. There is talk of forces gathering, new foes that Midgard may be ill equipped to fight against.”

“And they were well equipped to fight me?” Loki raised a single brow. “I feel I should be insulted.”

“We both know you did not fight as you could have.” Thor stared at him intently. “I can only guess at your motives. Which makes it hard to convince the Midgardians of your innocence.”

“Innocence?” Loki let out a bark of laughter that echoed about the room. “Have you fallen on your head one too many times?”

“Your actions were not wholly your own,” his brother, not-brother, would hear nothing of Loki’s declarations of guilt. “Helping us stop the true master behind the invasion will go a long way tow—”

“I have no master but my own!” Loki shouted, getting close to the barrier so Thor could see his rage.

Even as _he_ tortured him, broke him, Loki was still able to belong to himself. He may have been a puppet sent to prove himself, but that was Loki’s tactical choice. Loki manipulated _him_ to give himself the chance at escape. 

Loki belonged to no one, not _him_ , not Odin, no one, ever…

Except…

But that was long ago and it was the only last thread of sanity he had left. He buried those memories down deep so that even _he_ couldn’t find them.

“Help me, Loki.” There was a near plead in Thor’s eyes. “Get yourself out of this cell. Show the Midgardians who you truly are.”

“Who I truly am?” Loki replied coldly and he could feel the visage slipping. 

He had grown up with the veil surrounding him, covering his true nature. Not until that fateful day on Jotunheim had he ever thought that something was there. But once it was pointed out to him, like the ticking of a clock, it was all he could hear, see, and feel. He pulled at the corners, ripped at the edges, until he could see the truth underneath.

Loki let the truth peak through. “That I’m the monster they wrote of in their stories?”

Thor said nothing, simply stared at Loki in his Jotun form with tired and sad eyes. How Thor could continue to think that there was anything good left in Loki was a testament to his idiocy. The Midgardians had been right, Loki had always been the villain, he just didn’t know it until now.

“See you in a few days, _brother_ ,” Loki said wryly as he pulled away from the energy field, his Asgardian skin taking hold of him again. “I look forward to circling the same void again with you. Perhaps next time we’ll both fall in.”

“Many are going to die, Loki, if you don’t help us.” Thor kept his emotions even. “Give us a name, a location, something, anything.”

Loki pretended to think about it for a moment then shook his head. “No, don’t think so.”

There was no way Loki was going to lead _him_ back to himself. He had suffered too much and gone to great lengths to get away. Thor could just find another way to save his pathetic mortals. They were short lived anyway, and bred like rabbits. They could take care of themselves.

“Just know, I didn’t want to do this,” Thor was still quite calm and collected, which admittedly piqued Loki’s interest, “but I need you to realize what you’re truly doing. Who you’re sacrificing.”

Loki pinched his eyebrows together at that statement. There was nothing left for Loki to lose. Well, perhaps his mother but _he_ had no reason to go against Asgard. It would be foolish of _him_ to do so. She was safe for as long as it took Loki to escape from his prison.

Thor turned his head towards one of the several cameras in the outer chamber of his prison. With a slight nod he gave whoever was at the other end a signal. 

“Subtly and espionage do not suit you, Thor,” Loki said to cover up the fact that he was keenly interested in what his brother, not-brother, was up to. 

“No,” Thor replied with maybe just a hint of a nostalgic smile, “that was always better left to you.”

Loki gave a slight grunt that was an equivalent of ‘of course it was’. 

The outer door slid open and a tall, lithe figure tentatively walked into the room. Her clothes were wrong. Her legs were wrapped in that weird fabric called denim. Her top was layers of what the Midgardians called cotton. Ash colored blouse, dark blue drape, and rusty golden scarf. 

But there was no mistaking the body, the way it moved. Eyes the perfect reflection of the sky. Hair the color of spun hay glistening in the sun. High and soft cheekbones over lips that could easily curl between sweetness and desire. 

But she was slightly more rounded at the hips. Her hair not quite light enough. She was just a tad short and her gait not quite as assured.

For one solitary breath, Loki had let himself believe that his beloved wife, Sigyn, was still alive.

And for that, he promised to forever hate Thor for tricking him into that one moment of false hope.


	2. The Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!   
> Confession: I have a degree in History, not Science, so forgive me my transgressions...

_Three Weeks Ago_

Jane was chewing on the end of a Bic so much she was starting to taste little splinters of plastic. “Bletch.” She spat out the pen and wiped her mouth with a napkin left over from the take-away lunch, or maybe it was dinner. 

The door opened and she heard her boyfriend say her name.

“Thor,” she tried to stealthily put the napkin in the trash, hoping she hadn’t marked herself with the pen. 

“How fairs it?” He smiled and lightly gestured to her work. 

“Good, good, actually,” she started to shuffle papers in a vain attempt to make it appear more organized than it looked. Jane knew where everything was, but her work ethic was chaotic purpose disguised in a paper typhoon. 

Compared to the high tech nature of Stark Industries, and the world Thor came from, Jane didn’t so much as feel inadequate but more like the pauper at the ball. She still knew more about astrophysics than the always-self-proclaiming genius Tony Stark. She also had one more Nobel than he did, which was her one to his none. So there was that.

“I’m just building a model for Jarvis to run,” Jane told him after she gave up and let the papers be. “Energy was always going to be the biggest obstacle to building our own bridge. But with Stark’s help, now it’s just a matter of running the numbers.” She let out a nervous laugh. “Want to make sure we’re not going to accidently create a black hole when we try to build the machine.”

“Our scientists feared the same,” Thor told her with a smile as he squatted down next to her. “I have faith in you, Jane. I have read of our pioneers, of their dedication and brilliance, but do you know what they lacked?”

Jane was near mesmerized by him. The timber of his voice, the rough gentleness of his hands as he took hers. “No…?”

“They had none of your tenacity, your drive,” if it was possible, his eyes got bluer and his smile that much more dazzling, “or your limitedness faith in the science.”

She thought she might blush, but she didn’t have time to as his lips were upon hers in the soft and gentle kissing that belied his strength. Her hands rested on his chest as his right hand caressed up her neck and into her hair.

“An actual god, and the smartest person I know,” Darcy spoke up as she entered the room from the other side, “and you act like teenagers if left alone for five minutes.”

Jane guiltily pulled away from Thor who continued to smile. For someone who was a thousand years old, she was sure he thought it was quite hilarious to be considered a teenager. Though, if you did the math, and of course Jane did, then with the average life expectancy of an Asgardian taken into consideration, Thor was barely a ‘young adult’. She was meaning to ask him if that was how his people looked at age, but she was a bit afraid to ask. His long life, and her lack thereof, was a subject she did not feel like broaching any time soon. 

“I knew you’d forget,” Darcy kept talking, ignoring their flushed state, “so I picked up the dress for you. I brought my makeup and styling bags.”

“Dress?” Jane was at first confused and then it all came back to her. “That’s tonight?”

“Yeah,” Darcy was trying not to smirk as she handled the wardrobe bag and styling kit, “it’s the fifth.”

“Crap,” she sighed, nearly dropping her head onto the table, “I forgot.”

“And that’s why you have me.” Darcy grinned and laid everything on a sofa that was against the wall in the work room.

“I will leave you to get ready,” Thor smiled, brushing his hand against her cheek. “See you tonight.”

“See you.” Jane smiled in return and watched him walk away. It was a very pleasing sight as he was not wearing his cape. 

“Earth to Jane.” Darcy snapped her fingers in front of Jane’s face.

Jane gave her friend an annoyed look, but she couldn’t stay mad at her. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

That night was going to be a very large fundraiser for many of the charities working towards Manhattan’s recovery. It was being put on by Stark Industries who dared other large companies to match their very large donation. Somehow Stark had managed to talk the entire Avengers team, including Thor, into making an appearance. Darcy then talked Jane into going with him.

“Dang,” Darcy laughed as she stood behind Jane in the bathroom mirror, “you clean up good, doc.”

“Thanks,” Jane said with a pinched smile. She liked dresses, she really did, what with their flowy nature and softness. They just didn’t like her all that much.

Thor returned after the two hours it took Jane to get ready. He had changed as well, into something more ‘Midgardian’. He seemed to have taken a liking to the low-cut jeans she had put him in when he first arrived on Earth. He wore a black pair with a silver dress shirt, and over that a red dress jacket of velvet. Thor even had his hair pulled back in a ponytail. 

“You look as beautiful as always.” Thor smiled at her and she felt a little self-conscious in her silver dress. Darcy knew her well and didn’t go for any cuts that were too sexy. Instead it was flowy, she loved flowy, with bits of gossamer and lace. 

“You’re not bad yourself.” Jane laughed and took his arm.

“Now, young man,” Darcy started to talk with an accent that could only be described as a ninety-year-old woman from Brooklyn, “you have her back by midnight or you’ll be answering to me.”

Thor put his hand over his heart and in all seriousness said, “You have my word.”

Jane rolled her eyes but couldn’t help laughing again. Some days she couldn’t even fathom how her life could have turned out the way it did. 

“You kids have fun,” Darcy dropped the accent and waved. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“That leaves us with nothing to do!” Jane shouted as Thor escorted her out of the lab.

Thankfully for Jane’s hair, which had taken Darcy two hours to tame into something other than flat and straight, the fundraiser was being held at Stark Tower where her new lab was located. They took the elevator down several floors to the ballroom floor which was literally just one floor dedicated to being a reception hall. 

Stark had just finished repairs to the tower, but there was still a lot of rebuilding that needed to be done. This is why he, or more likely Pepper, had decided to have the fundraiser there. It was a sign that things could get back to normal, but also that there was a long way to go to get to said normal. 

The evening went about as Jane expected it would. Stark was always the center of attention, by his own design of course. Thor was also never one to shy away, regaling anyone who listened with tales of might and magic. Several women, and some men, were completely enraptured by him. Jane never got jealous though, he never looked at any of them the way he looked at her.

Pepper was always someone Jane could talk too, but the woman was busy keeping the fundraiser going. Jane did run into Betty Ross. They talked for a while until Betty had to go make sure Bruce was okay. The man didn’t like crowds all that much, not that Jane blamed him. 

There really wasn’t many others she could talk to. The rich folk were a no-no. She risked telling them exactly what she thought of them, which was counter-productive to getting their money. Natasha came by for a bit, but then disappeared off somewhere, possibly to kill someone over the last pastry. At least that’s what she thought the woman said as she walked off. 

Okay, so Jane was a little annoyed that Thor semi-abandoned her. But he was doing his job. He was softening up the crowd to get them to open their checkbooks. Getting money towards rebuilding New York City and taking care of those wounded or left behind was important.

Eventually Jane found herself at the large glass windows, looking up at the sky, her first love.

“Can’t see a thing,” said a rather tall woman who had also been standing at the window, looking out across the landscape.

“It’s New York,” Jane replied with a sigh. “That’s why I like to work out in the Midwest. Don’t have this problem.”

“Midwest?” the woman asked as she turned her head to look down at Jane. “Oh, you’re Doctor Foster. I just read your latest article in _Science_.”

“Oh?” Jane would never get used to being recognized. “Ah, thanks.”

“I only understood about twelve percent of it,” the woman smirked, “but astrophysics isn’t my specialty. Sarah Brisne, environmental sciences.”

Jane tried not to stare at the skin discoloration on the woman’s offered hand. It made it look like the back of her hand was covered in one large freckle. On a second glance, both of Sarah’s hands were like that. 

“Jane Foster.” Jane shook her hand. “Oh, but you knew that.”

“I do admire you work, doctor,” Sarah smiled and ignored the gaff, “even if I can’t completely understand it. You’ve had a lot of barriers to overcome. It’s inspiring.”

“Thank you.” Jane was always awkward when it came to praise. She was in that weird flux of knowing damn right she deserved it, but unsure what to do with it when she got it. “So, ah, environmental sciences? Are you here with any particular company?”

“Ah, yes.” Sarah nodded gestured over to a couple of men chatting with Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. “I’m a Senior Projects Advisor for Raynor Tech. That’s our CEO over there being talked out of his personal retirement fund,” she said with a chuckle.

“Raynor Tech.” It only took Jane a moment to place the name. “I’ve heard of them. They seem like a good group to work for.”

Raynor Tech was one of those companies who basically owned other companies. They had their hands in a lot of different fields, mostly all the science and tech fields. Jane almost took a job with them when it looked like she might not have gotten her grants to study in New Mexico.

Jane had done her research then. The CEO seemed to genuinely care about the environment and giving back. All their products were about as ethically sourced as they could make them. They used recycled materials and donated a lot to charities. They sometimes bought companies that were causing a lot of waste just so they could overhaul them. 

“They are,” Sarah easily agreed. “My job is to do the environmental impact studies for large projects such as refinery acquisitions. I can be absolutely brutal with my results.”

“I’m sure it’s appreciated,” Jane laughed lightly, “seeing as they brought you to the party.”

“Yeah,” Sarah didn’t sound as thrilled as Jane would have thought. “My boss said it was a ‘reward’ for my five years of loyal service. I completely overhauled the environmental projects division.” The woman scanned the room. “But to be honest, I’d rather be at home right now.”

Jane followed the woman’s pinched gaze where Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, and Thor were chatting to some other large donators. “They can be quite an intimidating bunch.” 

“They’re superheroes,” Sarah replied, glancing back down at Jane. 

“They’re super dorks,” Jane nearly snorted at the thought of it. 

“Really?” Sarah stifled a laugh.

“Verily,” Jane answered and mentally realized she had picked that word up from Thor. “You should go introduce yourself. Get a selfie.”

Sarah pinched her brow again, a touch of worry in her eyes as she glanced at the group. “I dunno.”

“I’m kinda dating one of them,” Jane did not like to brag, ever, but the woman seemed nice and gave off this easy-going and friendly vibe, “so I can make introductions if you’re nervous because I totally get that. You do not know how much I get that.” Jane caught Thor’s eye and smiled at him, giving him a bit of a wave.

“Thank you,” Sarah said awkwardly then lightly shook it off, “but I think I’ll leave the mystique of the Avengers to the Avengers. I appreciate it though.”

“I understand.” Jane didn’t press it any further than that. 

“I think I’ll go check on my boss,” Sarah said and Jane saw it for what it was, a polite way out of the conversation. Jane had done it several times herself at conferences when she was getting a little overwhelmed. 

“He may need rescuing.” Jane smiled in return. 

After Sarah made her way across the room to her boss, who was now only talking to Pepper Potts, a realization struck Jane. When had she become so at ease with everything that had happened? Her boyfriend was an alien from another realm who used to be worshipped as a god. 

She was pretty sure she should be freaking out. But if she did that she wouldn’t be able to finish her Einstein-Rosen Bridge.

“Jane,” Thor came up to her, “who was that woman?”

“Who?” Jane was confused as it had been several minutes. “Sarah?”

“What did she say to you?” There was worry and intensity in his eyes.

“Ah,” Jane blinked a few times, “not much really. She works for Raynor Tech, read my article, she seemed nice.”

“Did she speak of Asgard?” Thor continued with his questions. “Of the Bifrost? Or… Loki?”

“No.” Jane scrunched her nose. “Why?”

“Come with me,” he told her as he took her hand, “it may not be safe.”

“What?” she asked but obediently followed along. Typically when Thor said things weren’t safe, big dangerous machines and/or aliens were involved.

Thor took Jane a few floors up to leave her with Maria Hill in what looked like a security suite. Hill didn’t know what exactly was going on, which seemed to annoy the hell out of the woman. The Assistant Director of SHIELD was on the phone, barking orders and apparently mobilizing a team. 

About half an hour later, Thor returned, along with the rest of the Avengers. 

“You want to tell me what’s going on here?” Maria didn’t bat an eye as she looked up to stare down Thor.

“It is a very long story,” was Thor’s enigmatic answer. 

“Start talking,” Maria was having none of it, “because we just detained an American citizen, without any evidence or due process, in the middle of a cocktail party. This is not the CIA.”

“You’re sure she’s American?” Thor glanced at Maria curiously. “Are you sure she’s human?”

That question did manage to stun the agent into a moment of silence.

Stark cleared his throat. “Should be easy enough to check. JARVIS, would you do the honors if you haven’t done so already?”

“Of course, sir,” the computer AI instantly spoke up as a holographic display started to run several images from a desk. One holo display was a live feed of Sarah sitting in a small room, looking rather nervous. The other images looked like bio readings and a possible computer background search. “Miss Sarah Felicity Brisne. Born in Boulder, Colorado. Graduated with top scores from University of California, Berkley. Limited bioscans show her to be very likely human. Search of her home computer and social media are typical and do not appear to have been spoofed.”

“Great,” Maria crossed her arms, “we just detained a civil suit waiting to happen.”

“Thor,” Rogers spoke up, glancing back at the screen, “you had reason to believe this woman is dangerous. We went with it because we trusted you, but now we need more.”

“Yeah,” Barton added as he lounged back against another desk. “I personally would like to know what that woman can do that she can spook a ‘god’.” He actually used finger quotes.

“It’s not what she can do,” Thor explained, “it’s who she is that has me both worried and troubled.”

“Who is she?” Maria asked again, quite firmly.

Thor let out a slow, deliberate breath, taking one last glance at the woman before saying, “She’s Loki’s wife.”

“Wife?” Stark was the first to utter anything after Thor’s declaration. 

“Loki has a wife?” Rogers followed shortly after and Jane was still trying to wrap her head around it.

“Wait, what?” Barton looked somewhere between annoyed and surprised as he glanced at the security feed of Sarah.

“Sigyn, right?” Natasha said from where she was leaning against the wall. Everyone stared at the Black Widow who smirked slightly at them. “It’s called research, you should look into it.”

“Yes,” Thor nodded at the red head. “Her name was Sigyn.”

“Why are we just now hearing about this?” Maria asked him pointedly.

Natasha answered, “Because he used the past tense.”

“It is true,” Thor bowed his head slightly, “Sigyn died near a hundred years ago.”

“Then that can’t be her.” Barton was still looking a little caged. He hadn’t quite recovered from Loki’s mental manipulations, or at least this is what Jane had been told. She had no idea what he had been like before everything happened.

“I know,” Thor took a deep breath, staring pensively at Sarah, “but this maiden bares more than a passing resemblance to Sigyn. I knew Sigyn for hundreds of years and when I saw this… Sarah, there was no mistaking who she was. She even bears the marks of the scars on her hands.”

“The skin discoloration?” Jane couldn’t remember where she had learned this. “It’s called hyperpigmentation, I think. The skin produces too much pigment and darkens the area.”

“It’s in her medical file,” JARVIS said helpfully.

“Sigyn had scars on her hands,” Thor explained his reasoning, “and this maiden has marks that mimic them.”

Rogers held up one finger to stop Thor. “Why would Sigyn have scars on her hands? Don’t Asgardians have tech that can fix that kind of thing?”

“She wore them as a badge of honor,” Thor’s voice rose a little, a touch of admiration in his words. “She said she earned them and that they were a reminder of her honor and loyalty.”

“The snake,” Natasha said and Jane wasn’t sure if it was a statement or question.

“Snake?” Rogers was quite obviously starting to become the personification of 100% Done.

“When Loki and Sigyn were young,” Thor started to tell them the story but the look on his face made Jane think he opted for the short version, “Loki and Sigyn became trapped in a cave beyond Heimdall’s sight. Loki was immobilized as a great serpent took delight in torturing him with its acid dripping fangs.”

Maria muttered, “I did not need to know such a thing existed.”

“Sigyn did what she could to protect Loki,” Thor continued the story. “She used a bowl catch acid. Found Loki food and water. Tended to his wounds as best she could. They were trapped there for two hundred and eighty three days.”

“Damn,” Natasha’s eyes widened just a little at that new information. Everyone, even Barton, seemed to wince a bit at the thought of being stuck like that for nearly a year. Of course, to an Asgardian, that would be nothing at all. 

“They rarely ever spoke of the details,” Thor replied thoughtfully, as if he was remembering something and found disappointment in it. “But Loki said that if Sigyn wasn’t as steadfast as she had been, he would have perished.”

“What a shame,” Barton replied bluntly, ignoring the sudden half-glare from Thor. 

Loki was definitely a sore spot with the Avengers as a whole. Thor assured them that Loki hadn’t always been this way. That the incident in New Mexico and New York were not typical. That New Mexico was Loki having one hell of an existential crisis, and New York, well, Thor was sure someone else had used his brother. 

This didn’t assuage him of his guilt, but it did mean that Thor still thought Loki could be saved. Loki had four thousand more years ahead of him. Thor was determined that Loki would not spend them all in a cell. It was a sentiment that few Avengers shared.

“Well, that sounds fascinating,” Stark said sarcastically, still finishing off a drink. He was acting like a bit of an ass but Jane thought maybe he was trying to defuse the sudden situation. “But none of it tells us why you think she’s this Sigyn when everything points to her being Sarah.”

Thor took another deep breath, as if he was debating with himself. “I believe she is has been reborn through the Yggdrasil.”

The entire room when quiet until Maria said, “Come again?”

“Sigyn died because she was absorbed into Yggdrasil, the World Tree,” Thor attempted to explain, “it connects all the Realms and holds them together.”

“It’s a void,” Jane added helpfully, translating as it where from Asgardian to Midgardian. “All the Realms basically exist simultaneously only phase shifted from each other. Yggdrasil, the World Tree, is the energy that buffers between them. It’s like where two cells meet.”

“Right,” Rogers blinked, “and Sigyn was absorbed into this energy field?”

“Yes.” Thor glanced over at Sarah again who had moved on from being confused and worried, to being annoyed and slightly pissed. “Sigyn was well versed in the magic of Yggdrasil as her family has long been tasked with guarding its secrets. That’s how she and Loki became trapped. Loki was attempting to locate a rift in the Yggdrasil that he could use to walk through the Realms without ad of a Bifrost.”

“So she was a scientist?” Jane asked. 

“A sorceress, yes.” Thor nodded at her and Jane had long learned the terms were interchangeable. “Sigyn’s magic laid in the unique magic of Yggdrasil. She was a… quantum physicist. I think that’s the closet term I can manage.”

Stark snorted likely. “You and your brother go for the brainy chicks, nice.”

“All women on Asgard are expected to be sorceresses,” Thor told him pointedly. “We do not belittle them and expect them to be glorified housemaids.”

“Interesting,” Rogers spoke up quickly before both Natasha and Maria could kill Stark, “but off subject. Sigyn was absorbed by the World Tree? How does one get absorbed by a tree?”

“It’s not a physical tree,” Jane explained so that Thor wouldn’t have to. Sometimes the language barrier of idioms and the fact that English can be a rather mucked up language meant that sometimes it was just best if she translated. They had talked some about the Yggdrasil before so she had a grasp of the mechanics. “There is literally more space between the parts of an atom than there is between atoms. That’s how the Nine Realms exist simultaneously, slipping between the spaces between atoms. The World Tree is that void where all the realms touch. That’s the best description without going deeper into the physics.”

“I’ll take it,” Rogers replied appreciatively.

Maria uncrossed her arms and tilted her head. “I don’t imagine you just walk into ‘the molecular space between realms’. Was it an accident?” 

Thor took a long slow breath. “No…”


	3. The Rift

_The monsters were ethereal, from the void between realms. They had come out of a tear in the Yggdrasil and were attacking three separate realms where they converged. Thor was at the lead, battling the creatures until they turned back into nothingness. But they just kept coming, and in greater numbers._

_“That’s the last one,” Thor said after he shot lightening into one of the void monsters, “but more are just beyond the horizon.”_

_“We’re doing good,” Fandral replied, a bit out of breath and bleeding from a gash in his arm._

_“We need to shut the rift down,” Sif spoke plainly as she walked past the dashing Asgardian and made straight for Sigyn._

_Sigyn was staring up at the rift which had formed on the crest of a hill. Ancient pillars marked a spot where it was already known the Yggdrasil was thin from crisscrossing realms. Now the whole area glowed a super-hot white color, so much so that no one could see the monsters come out, only their shadows._

_“It’s growing,” Sigyn frowned, her face pensive as she studied the magic coming off the rift. “If it keeps like this, it will hit critical mass before dawn.”_

_“And what does that mean?” Sif asked her as the rest of the group gathered. The sky had already started to lighten, dawn was not very far away._

_“It means that it won’t seal properly, it will collapse under its own energy.” Sigyn shook her head. “If it does that, then it will send a feedback loop of energy. All three realms will experience massive explosions and shock waves. Not to mention the damage to Yggdrasil could take centuries to heal.”_

_Loki put his hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Can you seal the rift in time?”_

_Sigyn looked at her husband, pausing just slightly before saying, “Yes, I can seal it. But you’ll have to get me right up to it.”_

_“Shouldn’t be a problem,” Thor adjusted his grip on Mjolnir._

_Thor began to quickly work up a battle plan with the Warriors Three and Sif. Loki moved to join them, but Sigyn stopped her husband by kissing him, deeply, running her hands through his hair and holding him tight._

_“Sigyn?” Loki said as they pulled slightly apart._

_“There will be monsters everywhere,” she cleared her throat. “Don’t die on me.”_

_“I won’t,” he smirked at her, “I promised, remember?”_

_“I remember,” she replied, sadness tucked away in the corners of her words. “I love you.”_

_His smirk turned into a smile, “As do I you.”_

_They pressed their lips together quickly, sweetly, and then Loki joined in on Thor’s battle planning. Within moments they were charging towards the hill, killing and knocking down monsters that had gathered at the mouth of the rift._

_Thor and Loki cleared the top of the hill as the rest of them kept farther down to take on any monsters that got through. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sigyn run up to the rift, shielding her eyes from the light. She glanced back at Loki who was dispatching his own void creature. Sigyn hesitated and Thor didn’t realize what that meant until later. If he had, he thinks he would have tried to stop her… but that would have doomed them all._

_The sun was coming up and the whole area started to feel heavy, as if the air was becoming compressed and super-heated._

_Sigyn stepped into the light of the rift and worked her magic. Thor saw little of this as all the void creatures in the area ran back towards the rift. They knew it was being closed and they would try to stop it. Of course, they couldn’t get past the Asgardians who routed them._

_There was a sudden flash of light and for a moment Thor thought Sigyn had failed, that there was an explosion. But seeing as he was still living and the void creatures had vanished, he instead let out a triumphant hurrah. The sentiment was echoed by his fellow Asgardians. They gathered and applauded each other as they turned towards the waning light of the closing rift._

_“Well done, Sigyn,” Thor shouted as Loki walked up beside him._

_Something was wrong._

_Sigyn stood in the dimming light, the rift now a beam of energy that was shrinking around her. Her very body was a haze, slowly becoming transparent. There was no mistaking the sad smile on her face, the tears caught in her shimmering eyes._

_“NO!” Loki shouted and started to dart forward._

_Thor grabbed his brother, locking his arms around his chest, Mjolnir falling to the ground. Screaming, Loki kicked out and tried to wrench from his grasp, but Thor held steadfast._

_“It’s too late,” Thor told him as he near wrestled with Loki._

_“NO!” Loki continued to scream. “No, Sigyn!”_

_“Yggdrasil,” Fandral spoke as he moved slightly closer to examine Sigyn’s increasingly translucent and unmoving form, “it has her now. She’s already gone.”_

_“NOOOOOOO!” Loki’s jaw nearly came unhinged, the scream raw and tearing from his throat. “You promised me! YOU PROMISED!!!”_

_Loki continued to kick and scream, belting curses and threats, but Thor wouldn’t let go. If he did, then Loki would no doubt run straight into what was left of the rift and possibly be lost himself. It wasn’t until the light had completely blinked out that Thor’s grip started to loosen._

_Breaking free, Loki ran to the spot between the pillars, shouting Sigyn’s name to the stars. “YOU PROMISED ME!!!!” he screamed as he punched one of the pillars, making it crumble and kick up dust. More screams of anguish left him as he destroyed the other pillars._

_Eventually he simply collapsed, sinking to his knees._

_Other Asgardian forces started to converge on the hill now that the battle was won. Volstagg and Hogun kept them at the base, they should not see their second prince in such a state._

_“Loki,” Thor slowly approached his brother, “I’m truly sorry, but we must go.”_

_Loki remained silent for several moments and Thor thought he was going to have to ask again. Instead, Loki rose stiffly, straightening out his leather armor. When he turned to face Thor, he could see the denial in his younger brother’s eyes._

_“She’s not dead,” Loki told him. “Yggdrasil has her. I’ll get her back.”_

_“Loki…” Thor was stuck, not wanting his brother to suffer but not wanting him to hold onto false hope. So he said nothing..._

“That was near a hundred years ago,” Thor sighed deeply, bowing his head in respect as he finished the story. 

“Sigyn knew what she was doing,” Rogers spoke up, a deepness in his tone that spoke of someone trying not to remember similar memories. “She knew she was going to die. That she was going to sacrifice herself.”

“Yes.” Thor nodded his affirmation. “I spoke with her family and they all agreed. The feedback energy from the rift crashing would have killed many and rendered thousands of acres of land useless. The three realms could have even become unstable. Sigyn had no other options. She died saving untold numbers, a warrior’s death: honorable and noble.”

“But Loki didn’t think she was dead,” Maria pointed out.

“Loki thought she was misplaced,” Thor said with a sigh and a slightly helpless shrug of his shoulders. “He spent days going over all the Yggdrasil research he could fine. But it all pointed to a truth he didn’t want to acknowledge, that Sigyn was gone. Broken up at the… um… subatomic level.”

Thor looked to Jane to make sure he had chosen the correct Midgardian term and she nodded that he had. With that cleared, he continued, “Loki spent many more years studying the Yggdrasil. He came to find rumors and old tales of those who had entered the World Tree and came back out again years later as if they had never aged a day. Sigyn had been turned into energy. Loki believed it was just a matter of locating that energy.”

“Conservation of Energy,” Stark said from where everyone thought he had stopped paying attention. “Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. But it can be displaced, scattered, changed into something else. There is no guarantee her energy would have stayed together, let alone with her physical mass.”

“That’s what we tried to tell him,” Thor shook his head again in frustration. “But it was near forty years before he showed signs of finally accepting that Sigyn was gone to him. We encouraged him to mourn, to try to live his life as Sigyn would want him to. For a time there, I even believed he had recovered and was moving on.”

“But?” Maria prompted him when Thor trailed off.

“I fear that when Loki learned of his heritage,” Thor swallowed hard, “learned he was Jontun, Sigyn’s death may have influenced his actions. He may have thought Sigyn would have believed him monstrous. I know that she would not but she was not there to tell him so. Then at the Bifrost…” Thor bowed his head slightly and took a breath. “When he let go, I truly believe he thought he had nothing to live for. That perhaps he would fall into Yggdrasil and join Sigyn.”

“Kay,” Barton cleared his throat and resituated himself from where he was leaning against the table, “as backstories go, that one is a real tear jerker. But losing someone you love, we’ve all been there, and you don’t see us turning genocidal and wanting to take over a planet.”

Thor leveled his gaze at the archer but he let the animosity pass. “His actions where inexcusable, yes, but they can be explained. Loki has four thousand more years of life left to live, it doesn’t have to be a waste. He can be redeemed.”

“Sure,” Tony pipped in, “just give him some Prozac, he’ll be fine.”

Everyone ignored his attempt at wit. 

“So let me get this straight,” Rogers cut in. “Somehow, Sigyn’s… energy, did come out of the World Tree. That her… soul… was reincarnated into Sarah who just happens to look exactly like Sigyn?”

“If I may,” JARVIS spoke up, “I have been examining Ms. Brisne’s medical files, including her parents. While she does share some resemblance to the Brisne’s, Sarah quite remarkably managed several recessive traits. The Brisne’s also had trouble conceiving and Mrs. Brisne has been unable to bear further children.”

“Are we really believing this?” Barton asked everyone. “That this woman is the human reincarnation of an alien who died a hundred years ago? It’s not even sci-fi, it’s straight up fantasy.”

“At this point,” Rogers shook his head, “I’m not inclined to count anything out. I’m just not sure how to prove it.”

“I asked Heimdall to send down Eir,” Thor told him. “She is the royal physician. She should be able to tell if this Sarah is the reincarnation of Sigyn.”

“Wait,” Maria held up her hand, “if she does have Sigyn’s ‘soul’, then does she have her memories? Could she be here to break Loki out?”

“I don’t know.” Thor shrugged. “Hence why I had you place her in custody. This Sarah could be Sigyn in body only, or she could be Sigyn, free of the Yggdrasil, with a plan to free Loki from his prison.”

“Not a smart plan,” Tony snorted, “coming to a party she knew you’d be at and not bothering to disguise herself.”

“It’s not as dumb as you think,” Natasha told him pointedly. 

“Well,” Jane jumped into the conversation, “she did say she didn’t want to come. She didn’t want to be introduced to any of you.”

“Alright then,” Maria said after everyone had a moment to digest that information. She started heading towards the door. “I’m gonna make sure Loki’s security is tripled, again.”

“I’ll help you,” Barton pushed away from the table. Since no one could agree where to keep Loki, jurisdiction and all that, plus the need for the most high tech of cells, Loki was secretly being kept in the lowest levels of Stark Tower.

Thor shouted after them. “It would be unwise to let Loki know of Sarah until we know more.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Barton waved over his shoulder, “S.O.P.”

Stark stood from where he was leaning against the wall. “I’m going to clear the guests. Capcicle, you wanna help with the Raynor Tech employees? If Sarah is Sigyn then they could be in cahoots. That’s a word old men like you use, right, cahoots?”

Rogers rolled his eyes and followed Stark out of the room. This left Jane with Thor and Natasha. 

“What was the promise?” the red head asked. “What did Loki promise Sigyn and Sigyn promise Loki?”

“I..” Thor sighed defeated, “I don’t know. It went back to their time trapped together. They rarely spoke of those days except to each other.”

“I’ll go with you to the roof to meet your physician,” Natasha told him. “I have a lot of questions.”

Thor nodded then looked back at Jane. “I’m sorry, this was to be a festive night. But until we know for sure that Sarah is not Sigyn, at least in thought, I want you to stay with me or be sequestered in your lab. I want you safe.”

“Right,” Jane cleared her throat. Sarah had seemed nice and not at all out to get her, but it couldn’t have been a coincidence, could it have? “Never a dull moment, huh?”

…

Steve was still trying to wrap his idea around the possible reincarnation of Loki’s wife. Part of him thought it something out of the nickelodeons. Another part wasn’t surprised at all, not with what he’d been through and seen since waking up from the ice not even a year ago.

“Friends,” Thor greeted them as they entered the viewing room they were using. It was bigger than the security room from earlier, and it had a video feed of where Sarah was being kept a few doors down. Jane was sitting in a chair, writing in her science notebook, and there was an older woman standing next to Thor.

“Thor.” Steve nodded as he glanced over at the woman, tall and lithe with a very prim posture. She looked like one of the old school marms back in the day. Though her clothes were a bit too much of a throwback to medieval times. 

“May I introduce Lady Eir,” Thor properly gestured to the lady, “Royal Physician to the Court of Asgard.”

“Ma’am,” Steve said politely and bowed his head. She looked at him with barely concealed contempt. 

Stark smirked. “The Lady don’t like slumming it with mortals.”

“Ignore him,” Steve quickly said before an inter-realm incident could occur. 

Maria Hill came walking back into the room behind them. “I’ve been trying to for years.”

“Lady Eir,” Thor diplomatically ignored the banter and gestured to the group at large. “May I present Captain Rogers, a formable warrior of strength. Stark, Man of Iron, a sorcerer in his own right.”

“Sorcerer?” Stark perked up. “I like that.”

“Lady of the Hill,” Thor continued, “a formable strategist. And Barton, Man of Arrows, a warrior of cunning.”

“The honor is mine,” Eir replied tartly, obviously for the sake of her prince. Rogers had not met any other Asgardians other than Thor and Loki. Which one of them was typical of their race?

Maria turned to Steve after the pleasantries were passed. “Did you check on the Raynor Tech people?”

“Yeah,” he told her. “Pepper and Stark have known them since before the invasion and they didn’t seem to be controlled or anything like that.”

“We sequestered them,” Stark added. “Put them in a private green room, snacks, alcohol. JARVIS is keeping an eye on them just in case.”

“Did they ask about Sarah?” Maria asked them.

“We told them she wandered into the lab areas.” Stark shrugged. “They bought it, for now. Long enough to find out if she’s Sigyn, or Sarah, or both?”

“About that,” Maria turned to Thor and Eir, “just how are you planning on doing that, Lady Eir?”

Eir glanced at Thor who nodded. The woman then produced a small disk from the folds of her dress. “The Soul Stone will tell me all I need to know of this Sarah. I will then compare it to Sigyn’s records and we shall see if she bares more than a passing resemblance.”

“When you say everything,” Stark frowned slightly at her, “do you mean like just a body scan or we talking DNA? Blood type? Blood alcohol level?”

“DNA?” Eir raised a brow at him.

“The genetic makeup of biological organisms,” Jane translated for her.

Eir nodded and Steve got the impression that the woman wasn’t too happy with her prince’s chosen girlfriend either. Was all Asgardians this elitist or was it just this woman? 

“Then yes,” Lady Eir said. “We will know if there is any trace of Asgardian in her, or if her body is simply a duplicated shell.”

“That sounds fairly invasive,” a new voice said and Steve turned his head to see Natasha walk into the room with another woman. She was about Natasha’s age, long brown hair, and looked oddly familiar.

“It will not hurt,” Eir told the woman. “The Soul Stone gathers knowledge using magic that you wouldn’t understand.”

“But it gathers it,” the brunette crossed her arms, “and I don’t know about Asgard, but around here, a person has rights. They cannot be compelled to give up their blood or DNA without consent or a warrant.”

“And you are?” Barton asked once she stopped talking.

“Jennifer Walters,” she answered. “Ms. Brisne’s lawyer.”

“She called a lawyer?” Barton crinkled his brow.

“Hey, Jenny.” Stark smirked at her.

Jennifer gave him a sour look. “Don’t call me that.”

“Jennifer is Bruce’s cousin,” Natasha explained. “I called her in to act on Sarah’s behalf.”

“Why’d you do that?” Maria asked neutrally. 

“Because this will end one of two ways,” Natasha explained with a stern expression. “Either she’s mentally Sigyn, or she’s not. If she isn’t, then that woman has been dropped into the middle of something she didn’t ask for. Someone needs to look out for her. And as you said, this isn’t the CIA.”

Steve nodded his approval at Natasha. He’d had a chance to work with her on several missions since the incident and he learned that there were many layers to the woman. Most of them she hid, but Steve had seen her type during the war. She was hiding a lot of pain because it was the only thing she knew how to do. She understood best what it was like to be in Sarah’s shoes. To have your destiny and own sense of being taken out of your hands.

If Sarah was truly oblivious of her relationship to Loki… finding out was not going to be easy for her. 

“I’d like to have a word with my client,” Jennifer told them. “I’ll see if she’s willing to consent to the scan.”

“If she’s innocent,” Stark said, “then she’ll consent.”

“Not necessarily,” Barton told him somewhat reluctantly. “Some of us would say no just on the principle of it.”

Eir tsked impatiently. “This is pointless rhetoric. It wastes time.”

“I’m sorry,” Jennifer said mockingly, “do they not have due process on Asgard?”

“Our laws are different, yes,” Thor quickly spoke up, “but our people are different. This is not the time to debate our cultural disparities.” He turned to Eir. “We are on Midgard now, we are subject to their laws. We will allow the Defender Walters her time with Sarah.”

“And if she does not consent?” Eir asked with a pinched expression.

“Then we will follow the steps as the Midgardians law has set out,” Thor told her firmly, very princely. Steve supposed on Asgard Thor wouldn’t have to bother with such thing as due process. ‘The king’s word, or prince’s word, is law’ and all that. 

“How much has Natasha explained to you?” Maria asked Jennifer. 

“That this Sarah may be the reincarnation of Loki’s dead wife who was swallowed by a soul tree,” Jennifer managed to say with a straight face. 

Stark let out a bite of laughter. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds ridiculous.”

“It’s not a soul tree,” Jane said then shook her head as if she was tired of trying to explain it.

“I’m not going to tell you how to advise your client,” Maria turned to Jennifer, “but you might not want to tell her about her possible reincarnation if you can avoid it. It’s a bit hard to swallow, even when it’s not directed at you.”

“I’ll take that under advisement,” Jennifer replied blandly. “Now, when I go in there, I want the audio feed cut. This will be an attorney-client privileged conversation. No record, and no lip-reading,” that last comment was directed at Barton. “And has anyone read Ms. Brisne her rights?”

“We’re not the police,” Maria pointed out.

“All the more reason this woman needs someone on her side,” the lawyer responded bluntly. “This could basically be considered kidnapping.”

“JARVIS,” Stark said once the room got quiet, “make sure that the audio receivers are turned off once Jenny walks into the room. Keep this all nice and legit.”

“Of course, sir,” JARVIS replied. 

“We all good?” Maria asked Jennifer.

“We’ll see.” Jennifer gestured towards the door. “Now, I’d like to speak to my client.”


	4. The Client

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)

Jennifer followed Natasha down the hallway until they got to a door that was being guarded by a SHIELD agent. 

“We’ll cut audio,” Natasha told her, “but there will be video. If you show any signs of distress, we’ll come in after you.”

“You think she’s violent?” Jennifer raised a brow.

“She married Loki,” she stopped herself for a second, “in a past life at least.”

“Your due diligence is noted and appreciated,” Jennifer gave the woman her best lawyer smile, “but I’m tougher than I look took.”

“Let’s hope we don’t need to find out how tough,” Natasha replied wryly.

With a few taps on the keypad, Jennifer was let into the holding/interrogation room. Sarah Brisne looked up at her expectantly. She was not happy, but there was worry and fear in her eyes. Jennifer had seen it before in the innocent. They were worried they did something wrong without realizing it. There was fear that they were getting in trouble and they could do nothing to defend themselves.

She was either innocent or a good actress. Jennifer had seen both types.

“Jennifer Walters,” she introduced herself as she walked into the room, “I’m a lawyer, I’ve been assigned to you.”

“A lawyer?” Sarah’s brow furrowed, taking a business card that Jennifer offered. “Have I been arrested?”

“Not yet,” she replied as she sat down in the seat across from her at the table, “and I’m going to make sure it stays that way. Do you know why you’re here?”

“Not a clue,” the woman shook her head, her face crinkled in thought. “I mean, there was that thing in college with the protests against Roxxon, but the statute of limitations must have run out.”

“It’s not about that,” Jennifer assured her. This was a tricky moment for her, she had to do what was best for her client, but would the whole truth really be prudent at this moment? “Sarah, you understand attorney-client privilege correct?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sarah slightly narrowed her eyes as if she was trying to figure out why Jennifer was bringing it up. “You can’t tell anyone anything I tell you.”

“Correct,” Jennifer nodded, “and full disclosure, Bruce Banner is my cousin.”

“Really?” Sarah’s brows shot up and it was again a familiar sight. People always got a little awed when Jennifer told them she was related to an Avenger. 

“Yes,” Jennifer smiled slightly, “and it’s the Avengers who are holding you, not SHIELD or the police.”

Sarah went back to pinched and confused. “What do the Avengers want with me?”

“Likely case of mistaken identity,” Jennifer told her. “You are Sarah Brisne, born in Colorado, correct?”

“Yes,” she nodded her head then chewed her lip in thought. “There aren’t many of us Brisne’s in Colorado. I’m pretty sure there are no other Sarah’s.” Her head popped up. “Did someone steal my identity?”

“Not exactly.” Jennifer tried not to alarm her. “Now, I am your lawyer. I was brought in because the Avengers can trust me. However, I don’t work for them. I work for you. My goal is to get you out of this room within the next hour, and I’ll do it too. But to do so, I need you to be completely straight with me so I know how to play this.” Jennifer looked her straight in the eye, not to intimidate her, but to watch the subtle movements. “All I need is a yes or no, are you being a hundred percent honest with me that you are Sarah Brisne?”

“Yes,” Sarah replied and Jennifer could see the fear and worry again. 

“Alright,” Jennifer sat back and got on with business, “the Avengers aren’t so easily convinced. They have a device, Asgardian tech, that they want to use on you. It’s super fancy and apparently will be able to read everything about you down to your DNA without having to draw blood.”

“Really?” Sarah’s brows shot up again. “How?”

“I have no idea,” Jennifer replied honestly. “But you have rights, Sarah. They cannot compel you to give up your DNA. They require your consent, or a warrant. To be honest, I don’t think any judge will give them a warrant. And they have nothing to hold you on.” Jennifer couldn’t help but smile. “So if you don’t give them consent, then they can’t hold you and I walk you out of here.”

Sarah went to speak, an agreeable look on her face, but then she faltered and thought about it for a moment. “But they’ll still think I’m someone else? That I did something bad. I should take the test, or whatever, and prove that I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You’ll be giving them your DNA,” Jennifer reminded her. “This scanner will tell them everything about you, down to the last freckle.”

“I’d rather them have it, than to have them follow me around as if I’m a criminal,” Sarah told her emphatically.

“Understandable,” Jennifer nodded, again wondering what was best for her client, “but they’re going to want to ask questions to go with the scan.” They will want to know if it’s Sigyn inside of a human body. “You may find out things you don’t really want to know.”

“Well, that sounds ominous.” Sarah raised a single brow.

“Just trying to be honest with you.” Jennifer shrugged.

Sarah nodded and thought about it, running her hand across her chin. After taking a deep breath, she said, “I’ll let them scan me and ask their questions. I have nothing to hide.”

“Alright, it’s your call,” she told her and then stood up. “When they come back, don’t answer any of their questions until I okay it. My goal is to get you out of here. We don’t want to give them any reason to hold you, no matter how benign it might seem.”

“Okay,” Sarah nodded and took a deep breath.

As Jennifer left the room, she had formed her own opinion as to the Sarah/Sigyn situation. Of course, it didn’t matter what she thought, it came down to what the Avengers decided. Regardless, Sarah was her client now, and Jennifer would do all she could to protect her.

…

Steve paused what he was saying as Natasha entered the room. Once she settled into watching the security feed of Jennifer speaking to Sarah, he continued, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for Thor to go in there just yet.”

“If you think Sigyn wished to do me harm,” Thor replied, “then I believe she would have done so already.”

“Depends on her plan,” Barton voiced from where he was perched on the back of a chair. “If I was her, I’d get in our good graces, find out exactly where Loki is, what our weaknesses are. It’s a smarter move than just going in swinging.”

“JARVIS,” Natasha spoke up, “please tell me you recorded him saying that?”

“Downloading the audio file to your phone now, Miss.” JARVIS replied.

“Funny,” Barton said dryly.

“Regardless,” Steve continued what he was saying, “we don’t know Sigyn’s plan. Sending in Thor could cause her to escalate her timetable.”

“If it’s not already what she wants,” Natasha added.

“Exactly.” Steve nodded at her. “No reason to aggravate the situation.”

“Sound thinking,” Thor agreed where he was standing off to the side. He’d had his arms crossed and been wearing a pensive look on his face since Jennifer left to speak to Sarah. 

“What about the good Lady Eir?” Barton asked, gesturing to the woman. “Sigyn obviously has baggage with Thor, and he could be part of her plot. But what about the doc?”

“She might have assumed I would call for Eir,” Thor replied with a thoughtful nod of his head.

Everyone turned to the lady but Steve was the one to ask, “Would Sigyn expect you to help her?”

Eir let out one of her annoyed sighs. “I highly doubt that.”

“You seem so sure,” Natasha said so offhandedly that Eir seemingly had no choice but to respond.

“Sigyn was always clever and intelligent, despite her choice of bedmates.” It was as if Eir thought less of Loki than the Avengers did, and that was saying something. “If she has learned of Loki’s true heritage, then I am sure she figured out I lied to her. That hardly makes me a candidate for an accomplice.”

“What do you mean?” Thor’s arms dropped and he stepped a foot closer to Eir. “What lie?”

“It was for her health.” Eir stood tall against her prince. 

“Lady,” Thor nearly warned.

“Years after their marriage,” Eir replied with a disgruntled tsk, “Sigyn came to me because she was not conceiving. As you know, Asgardians do not breed as easily as the Midgardians do, so I told her to be patient. I offered advice and herbs to increase her chances.”

Natasha stepped forward. “You were giving her birth control, weren’t you.”

“As I said, it was for her health.” Eir responded without a single stitch of guilt. Thor became incensed and the physician continued. “Loki is Jotun,” she said the word like Malfoy said ‘mudblood’. “Carrying a half-breed would have killed her.”

“You know that’s not true,” Thor did not bother to hide his anger. “There have been half-breeds born in the past, before the wars.”

“Complicated births,” Eir countered, “fraught with dangers.”

Natasha looked ready to slice open Eir’s throat. “You didn’t think that maybe Sigyn would have liked to make that choice herself, to take the risk?”

“She could not be told of Loki’s heritage.” Eir didn’t seem to be getting it and even Steve wanted to punch the Asgardian. You didn’t do that to a woman, no matter who she was married to.

“Did father order you to do this?” Thor asked none too politely. 

“The matter was discussed,” Eir replied sharply. “We did what was best for Sigyn. Loki was not ready to hear the truth, as he so clearly demonstrated.”

Thor was visibly fuming and the air crackled slightly.

“Hey,” Barton spoke up and pointed to the video display, “looks like they are wrapping up.”

“Maria, Natasha, and Lady Eir,” Steve made the decision to cut the tension in the room, “all three of you will go in to scan Sarah, if she’s consented.”

“Good idea.” Natasha didn’t take her eyes off Eir. “Seeing her reaction to Eir would be quite telling if this is Sigyn or Sarah.”

“And if she is Sigyn?” Eir asked with a raised brow. “She may wish to do me harm.”

“Then we’ll have our answer, won’t we?” Natasha smiled mock-sweetly.

…

Jennifer came back and told the group that Sarah had consented to the scan. She kept her thoughts to herself and focused on helping her client. She even had them print out a consent form used by the NYPD when taking DNA samples from suspects. Moments later, she was back in the interrogation room with Hill, Natasha, and the Lady Eir.

“Miss Brisne,” Hill introduced herself, “I’m SHIELD Assistant Director Maria Hill. You might recognize Agent Romanoff. This is Lady Eir, of Asgard.”

“Uh, hi,” Sarah replied awkwardly, glancing at Jennifer. “I thought SHIELD wasn’t holding me?”

“I liaison with the Avengers,” Hill explained, “Romanoff is an Avenger, and you’re not being held. You can walk out of her any time you want.”

“Now you tell me,” Sarah replied wryly.

“Last chance to back out,” Jennifer said as she laid the form down in front of Sarah. She then fished a pen out of her pocket. “You sign this and it gives them consent to scan you.”

Sarah hesitated as she quickly read through the form. After a deep breath, she took the pen and signed it. “Like I said, nothing to hide.” She turned her eyes towards Hill. “I’m not whoever you think I am.”

“I hope you’re right,” Hill replied evenly.

“Stand up,” Lady Eir ordered Sarah who startled a bit at the suddenly booming voice. 

“A please would be nice,” Sarah all but mumbled as she stood.

Lady Eir ignored her comment, pulling out the small scanning device. Jennifer was expecting some flashy lights but was underwhelmed. Eir pointed the Soul Stone at Sarah, a thin white light quickly brushed over the woman, then Eir tucked it away saying, “We’re finished.”

“That’s it?” Hill seemed to also be underwhelmed by it. 

“It is an efficient tool,” Lady Eir replied tartly. 

“Well alright then,” Hill responded dryly and gestured towards the door. 

Jennifer turned to Sarah. “We’ll review the results and then be right back. Shouldn’t take long.”

“Right.” Sarah nodded and a little worry tinted her eyes. Jennifer was sure she was reading the woman correctly, but then Jennifer was never one to discount anything too soon.

The three women walked back to the viewing room. Lady Eir said she needed a moment to compare the results of the scan and to Sigyn. She sat the device on a table and suddenly a holographic display popped up that was even more impressive than Starks. In fact, Stark became very interested in it but Lady Eir pretty much ignored him.

“Lady?” Thor asked after Eir collapsed the hologram. 

“I’ve compared Sarah to the last scans we have of Sigyn,” Eir explained as she tucked the item away. “Sigyn’s scans were taken two months before she died.”

“And your conclusion?” Hill asked somewhat impatiently.

Lady Eir turned her nose a bit but said, “There are some small differences that could be explained through environmental factors and diet, but there are too many similarities. For example, the blotches on her hands outline perfectly with Sigyn’s scars.” She held her shoulders up in professional pride. “It is of my opinion that while Sarah is Midgardian in biology, she is a near perfect replica of Sigyn.”

“Could she be a clone?” Stark asked. “Cause I’ve been thinking, you know, we’re not too far off from cloning technology ourselves. It seems to me that someone as advanced as Asgard could be able to make a ‘Midgardian’ clone of Sigyn.”

“First off,” Steve immediately said, “why? Second off, don’t you think that’s a bit much?”

“I dunno,” Barton smirked slightly, “it would really muck with Loki so that’s reason enough for me.”

“Regardless,” Lady Eir spoke up, “what you are suggesting would leave evidence as it is nearly impossible to create such a perfect a clone from one species into another. Only Yggdrasil has that kind of power.”

“So we’re really doing this,” Hill shook her head, “we’re saying that Sarah is the human reincarnation of Loki’s wife?”

“Yes we are,” Thor answered her gravely. “And now that we know she is Sigyn in her soul, we must discover if she is Sigyn in mind as well.”

Hill frowned. “And if she’s here to break Loki out.”

“You realize you still have nothing to hold her on,” Jennifer spoke up quickly. “Sarah is an American born citizen who has committed no crime. The only thing you have on her is that she used to be Loki’s wife in a former life on another planet.”

“Realm,” Thor corrected.

“My point exactly,” Jennifer replied dourly. “The only reason I’m not walking her out of this building right now is because I know you’ll make her life hell until you know for sure she’s not after Loki.”

“Do you believe she’s not Sigyn?” Hill asked her.

“Of course I do.” Jennifer smiled.

“Right,” Hill replied dryly, “It’s your job to.”

Natasha cleared her throat. “Sarah showed no recognition of Eir. Contempt or otherwise. I say we still hold out on bringing Thor into this.”

“I agree,” Steve nodded at the woman. “We keep it the same, Maria, Jennifer, and you.”

Stark raised his hand. “Do you think this will really work? I mean, all she has to do is feign no knowledge of Sigyn. We can’t prove otherwise.”

Steve gestured to the redhead. “That’s why we have Natasha.”

...

Natasha walked in first, keeping her eyes on Sarah as she took her spot at the back of the room, against the wall. She was going to leave the interrogating to Maria, mostly. The two had tag teamed before. Maria asked the questions, Natasha watched for openings and micro expressions. She’d jump in with a question if she saw something she thought needed to be explored.

“Miss Brisne,” Maria started as Jennifer walked around to set next to her client, “you’re not under arrest but as a formality I’m going to read you your rights. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be held against you. You have the right to an attorney, which you have been provided, but you can call on another if you choose so. Do you understand these rights?”

“Yes,” Sarah replied a bit carefully. She was getting worried and suspicious, but it wasn’t an uncommon reaction.

“Let’s get to it then.” Maria sat down across from Sarah. “Do you know what a Yggdrasil is?”

“You don’t have to answer any questions,” Jennifer quickly reminded her.

“Um,” Sarah looked to be confused, glancing at Jennifer, but she answered anyway. “It’s one of the world tree myths. Many cultures have one, or something similar. I’m an environmental scientist. I could write you a dissertation over Gaia and related mythos.”

“Right,” Maria was none too impressed. “I’ve been told that the Yggdrasil is the space between atoms where our world, Asgard, and the other realms, connect. Sound familiar?”

Sarah shrugged, her eyes still slightly pinched in wary suspicion. “I’ve heard talk, theorizing. Mostly at academic functions since… since New Mexico and New York.”

“Well, it’s real,” Maria leaned forward, laying her hands on the table and locking her fingers together, “and apparently it has been known to reincarnate individuals.”

Sarah blinked, her expression getting more pinched. “Reincarnate?”

“Yes, and there’s no easy way to say it so I’ll just say it,” Maria kept her eyes locked on Sarah, as did Natasha, “but we have evidence that you are the reincarnation of an Asgardian citizen who died a hundred years ago.”

Sarah let out a short, incredible laugh. It was a common reaction of someone who suddenly thought they were being punked, that it was all a joke. But instead of further denial, her expression went blank, her eyes unfocused. She straightened up slightly. “Who was I?”

This wasn’t exactly what Natasha was expecting from the woman. It wasn’t the reaction of someone completely oblivious.

“Her name was Sigyn,” Maria supplied and there was a touch of something in Sarah’s eyes.

“Loki’s wife,” Natasha threw in on a hunch, waiting to see the reaction.

Sarah glanced up at Natasha, her expression that of someone who didn’t know if they should be scared or relieved. There was recognition in her eyes and fear in her breaths. “I’d like to speak to my lawyer, please.”

“You heard the lady,” Jennifer said, standing up and gesturing towards the door. “I expect the same privacy as before.”

“Now, wait a second,” Maria replied, standing up to face off with the lawyer.

“We’ll go,” Natasha stepped forward. Maria looked back at her but Natasha gestured to the door with her head. The agent wasn’t happy, but she followed Natasha out into the hallway.

_“What was that about?”_ Steve asked over the comm unit in her ear.

“I’d like to know too.” Maria crossed her arms, giving Natasha a very annoyed look.

“She’s not Sigyn,” Natasha told them, “that much I’m sure about.”

_“Are you sure you’re sure?”_ Tony piped in. 

“Of course I’m sure,” Natasha replied, wearing her own annoyance on her face. “She was too easy to read, and not in the suspicious way. She’s not Sigyn, but she is hiding something.”

“Hiding what?” Maria asked.

“I’m not sure,” Natasha admitted, “but let Jennifer do her job. Sarah is not a villain, or a soldier, or Asgardian. Treating her like one will get us nowhere, especially with whatever she knows about Loki.”

_“So she does know Loki?”_ Thor asked.

“Considering her reaction,” Natasha smirked, “there is definitely something she’s not telling us.”

A few minutes later Jennifer called Natasha and Maria back into the room. Jennifer was standing and Sarah was still sitting at the table. The woman didn’t look up, she had her head slightly bowed as if she was thinking, eyes burrowing through the table.

“My client has done nothing illegal or immoral,” Jennifer told them, “but she doesn’t want SHIELD or the Avengers breathing down her neck because of who she was in a past life.”

“So she’s agreeing that she was reincarnated?” Maria raised her brow.

Sarah went to speak but Jennifer put her hand on her shoulder. “Sarah would like to share some information with you. Once she’s done that, SHIELD and the Avengers are going to leave her be. No surveillance, no security flags.”

Maria mulled it over a bit, then said, “If we believe she’s told us everything she knows, and doesn’t present a security threat, then we’ll leave her alone.”

“Oh come on,” Jennifer rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “You’d classify a gnat as a security threat if it served your purposes.”

“Tell you what,” Maria only said that when she needed a moment to think, “if Thor doesn’t consider her a threat, then neither will SHIELD.”

Jennifer took a second to think that over while Natasha mentally applauded Maria. It was a bold move, one that was hard to argue with. 

“Sarah?” Jennifer glanced down at her client. “You okay with this?”

“Yeah,” she seemed more resigned than sure.

“We’re agreed then,” Maria turned to Sarah, leaning forward and placing her hands on the table. “So, why don’t you tell us what know of Loki?”

“I don’t know much,” Sarah let out a sadly wistful sigh, “other than he’s literally the man of my dreams.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently the Avengers are glory hogs and are taking up more face time than I original thought they would... but don't worry, we'll be getting to some of the juicy stuff real soon. ;)


	5. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)

“You want to explain?” Maria asked without missing a beat. Natasha continued to let the woman run the interrogation. It had worked well for them so far.

Sarah took a deep breath and momentarily closed her eyes. “Ever since I can remember, I’ve had dreams about him.”

“Seriously?” Maria replied with only slight incredulousness. 

“I didn’t know it was Loki,” Sarah explained, her cheeks getting a little red. “I’ve had these dreams since, well, puberty.”

Natasha held back her smirk. “What kind of dreams would these be?”

Sarah let out a long resigned breath as she closed her eyes again. When she reopened them, she glanced up at Natasha with a more resolute expression. “They were sex dreams, alright. Only I didn’t know it was him. Not until I saw him on the news.”

 _“Sex dreams?”_ Tony said in Natasha’s ear. _“This just got interesting.”_

 _“Stay off the comms,”_ Steve chastised.

“Must have been a shock,” Maria said neutrally.

“No kidding,” Sarah nearly snorted, snark heavy in her tone. “I’ve had the same dreams over and over again, and each time I either couldn’t see his face, or I didn’t remember it in the morning. I couldn’t even tell you what he looked like except he was tall, dark haired, lithe body with sharp angles you could cut yourself on.” Sarah stopped herself and cleared her throat. “Then when I saw the footage from Germany, I just, I knew it was him. I started seeing him in my dreams, clear as day.”

Maria tilted her head slightly. “That upset you?”

“Hell yeah,” Sarah said sharply. “I was having hot dreams about the alien who tried to take over the planet. I thought there was something wrong with me.” She swallowed hard as if she hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “I’m not like those women who send mail to prisoners and serial killers. He… he’s a monster.”

“You were married to that monster,” Natasha threw out to gauge the woman’s reaction. Even if she was Sarah, that didn’t mean she couldn’t have her own reasons to break out Loki. Learning that Sarah had been dreaming about him made it all the more questionable.

Sarah looked up, then her eyes unfocused and she slowly lowered her head again. She was thinking, but not scheming. This was the look of someone trying to solve a math problem. “ _I_ wasn’t married to him,” she eventually said. “To be honest, if it wasn’t for the dreams, and the fact that it’s coming from you guys, I’d laugh at the notion of reincarnation. But it’s gotta be true, right? These dreams aren’t me. I’m not… Sigyn.”

“No,” Jennifer put a comforting hand on Sarah’s shoulder, “you’re not.” She then turned to Maria. “I’d like to have SHIELD put that in writing. Sarah is her own, autonomous individual. She cannot be held responsible or liable for anything Loki did.”

“I’m sure that can be arranged,” Maria gave a light shrug, “once we’re done here.”

“I don’t think Sarah has much else to say,” Jennifer replied.

“We’ll be the judge of that,” Maria countered. “This woman has been having dreams about public enemy number one for the past, what, fifteen years? That can’t be nothing.”

“I don’t know what else to tell you,” Sarah replied, crinkling her brow. “I mean, in my dreams he didn’t even look like the pictures on the news.”

“You said it was him,” Maria quickly countered. “You said you knew it was him.”

“Well, yeah,” Sarah became flustered, pursing her lips together. “In my dreams he looks, younger, I guess? His hair is shorter. His clothing seemed, newer? The greens are rich, the blacks deep, and the gold is so shiny. He sometimes had a cape, like Thor’s, but of the most vibrant emerald.”

 _“She’s describing Loki,”_ Thor spoke over the comm, _“but when Sigyn would have known him. Before he fell.”_

“You said you were having the same dreams,” Natasha spoke up as she started to realize what might be happening. “Metaphorical or literal?”

“Uh,” Sarah thought about it for a second, “literal I guess. Sometimes they might start in different places, or I might miss a chunk out of them, but yeah, it’s the same dream.”

“What details can you give us?” Maria asked, catching on.

Sarah raised a brow. “Details?”

“Not those details,” Maria replied blandly. “Are there any other details in these dreams? Objects, locations, anything out of the norm from Earth?”

“Well, now that you mention it,” Sarah’s eyes refocused again, “in probably the most common one, we’re at a picnic, in a field. It’s a gorgeous day, the sun is shining but it’s not too warm. And there are these four feet tall flowers. They’re like short sunflowers, but they’re blue with dark red tips. I can see them as… he…” Sarah cleared her throat and sat up straight.

 _“Star flowers,”_ Thor interjected. _“They grow in the southern fields. They’re Sigyn’s favorites. I know Loki took Sigyn there to ask her to be his wife.”_

 _“And apparently to get it on,”_ Tony helpfully added.

“What else?” Maria asked.

“Um,” Sarah took a breath as she thought about it. “There’s a library, at least I’m guessing it’s a library. It has tall shelves with books and things I think are books, but have blinking lights. Several dreams start out there, some finish there too…”

 _“Dude,”_ Tony was cackling, _“in the library. Oh, this is too much.”_

“In one particular dream,” Sarah kept going, oblivious to the noise in Natasha and Maria’s ears, “I’m standing in front of a bed. It’s very gothic, and dark, but at the same time it looks so inviting and comfortable. I’m wearing a snake-skin dress, and when he undresses me, it’s like I’m sheading a second skin.”

 _“Snake-skin dress,”_ Thor said thoughtfully. _“Sigyn’s wedding dress was made of it.”_

 _“Who wears a snake-skin wedding dress?”_ Tony sounded like he was trying to be appalled. _“Is that Asgardian custom?”_

 _“There is no traditional wedding dress as there is on Midgard,”_ Thor explained, obviously as annoyed at Tony’s running commentary as the rest of them were. 

“Sarah,” Natasha was sure she had it figured out, “putting the sex dreams aside, do you have any other recurring dreams that follow the same motif? Dreams that have never changed or updated?”

“A few, actually.” Sara’s brow pinched in thought and realization. “There is this one, I’m graduating or something. I dunno. I look to see my parents, to see them be proud of me. But it’s not my mom and dad, it doesn’t look like them. And there is a brother and sister I don’t have. I…” she seemed to get a little angry, “I hate that dream. I mean, I’ve always wanted siblings, but I love my parents. I don’t know why I’d dream of another family.”

 _”Sigyn’s family,”_ Thor said suddenly. _“Sigyn has a brother and sister.”_

“There’s another,” Sarah’s voice broke a little. “I’m on my knees next to... him. I’m holding a bowl, and it’s so heavy. My body is aching, I’m exhausted. My hands hurt,” she glanced down at her hands, turning them over, “they’re burning. But I keep going, no matter what, I keep holding the bowl.” She shook her head, this dream having the most effect on her yet. “I usually have that dream when I get stressed. It actually kinda inspires me, lets me know I can make it through whatever’s happening.”

They allowed Sarah a moment, then urged her to continued telling them about her dreams, or at least the ones that seemed to be related. “He’s hurt. I’ve laid my head across his chest. I’m not holding him, I’m guarding him.”

“Guarding him from what?” Maria asked.

“I have no idea,” Sarah admitted.

When Sarah eventually ran out of dreams, Natasha needed to know, “Have you had any new dreams since New Mexico?”

“New? No.” She thought about it for a second. “They’ve been clearer, sharper around the edges, but nothing new.”

“I think we’ve heard enough,” Maria said as she stood. “We’ll discuss the situation and be back.”

“I’m coming with,” Jennifer said, standing up. “And don’t give me any confidential crap.”

Maria hesitated and the two sized each other up. Eventually Maria gave in, gesturing towards the door. Jennifer told Sarah she’d be back, then headed out. They all went to the viewing room. One of Maria’s SHIELD agents stopped them before they entered, handing her a tablet. 

“They’re not dreams she’s having,” Natasha voiced once they made it inside with the others, “they’re Sigyn’s memories.”

“I believe you are right.” Thor nodded, apparently Jane and Lady Eir had left while they were talking to Sarah. “While I was not present for these memories, they match what I do know of events.”

“She has Sigyn’s memories,” Maria voiced as she tapped at the table, “but not her personality? And we’re going to trust she’s not after Loki?”

“Sigyn was like a thousand years old, right?” Natasha asked Thor.

“Thereabouts, yes.” Thor nodded.

“So,” Barton was still perched on the back of a chair, “Sigyn had hundreds of years of memories but Sarah only has what, two dozen, plus the two or three she’s not telling us about?”

“You think she’s holding back?” Stark asked, then held up his hand. “Of course she is, they’re sex dreams, and I bet Loki is into some kinky stuff. That whole thing about the horse had to come from somewhere.”

Thor glared at Stark. “Please stop speaking.”

“Anyway,” Barton kept on, “that’s not a lot of memories when you think about it.”

Steve nodded. “They were strong emotional moments. The kind of things that linger.”

“Linger,” Jennifer spoke up, “but have no influence over her own personality. She has no interest in Loki, she said so herself. She couldn’t even say his name.”

Natasha had noticed that too. Sarah kept saying ‘he’ or ‘him’ even though he had a name. It was obvious the woman was still in shock from the revelation. Who knew how long it would be before the reality hit her hard.

“We’re not willing to finish this just yet,” Maria spoke as she lifted her head from reading whatever was on the tablet. “I have a team standing ground at Ms Brisne’s townhouse. Think she’ll consent to a search?”

“Really?” Jennifer asked rhetorically. “You sent your jack-boots to her house?”

“And she’s lucky I didn’t send them in.” Maria crossed her arms, tablet dangling from one hand. “Loki is a danger to everyone on this planet. I’m not taking a threat to his continued captivity lightly.”

“She’s not Sigyn,” Jennifer pointed out. “And we made a deal. She’s no threat, so she gets left alone.”

“I believe that deal was upon contingent,” Maria glanced over at Thor.

The Asgardian was staring at the floor, deep in thought. His arms were crossed except for his right hand that touched his chin. “It is true, Sigyn would do anything for Loki, but this woman is not Sigyn.”

“She has some of Sigyn’s memories,” Steve spoke up. “I’m not saying that’s definitive, but memories can be quite powerful.”

“So what do we do?” Stark asked as he sipped from a glass.

Natasha shrugged, glancing over at Thor. “The only thing we can do at this point.”

…

Sarah was leaning on the table. Her elbows were propped up, fingers laced together, resting her head against them. She kept asking herself if this was actually a dream, but if you have to ask…?

She could still remember clearly, that day six months ago. She was in Russia, checking out the site of a new refinery going in. There had been comments about something happening in Germany but she hadn’t paid attention. She had been far too busy dealing with the red tape and questionable facilitators. 

It had been late when New York was attacked by aliens. The battle was nearly over by the time someone came running down the hall of the construction barracks, telling everyone to come look. It was all over the news by then, every channel, every language.

When Thor had landed in New Mexico, SHIELD covered up as much as they could. There was talk about aliens existing, but it was wrapped up in too much hyperbole for a lot of people to take seriously. But with New York came absolute proof humans were not alone in the galaxy. Sarah had always assumed aliens had to exist considering the size of the universe, but it was another thing to see it right in front of her.

There was fear and terror, followed by relief as the Avengers won the day. Then came comments and whispers of the man behind the invasion.

Loki… a name that was hauntingly familiar to her, it always had been. But she could never place it, could never make the connection. It never occurred to her that it was the name she screamed out, no, that Sigyn screamed out, in her dreams. She could never remember it in the mornings.

And then there he was. Security footage from Germany, both in his ‘Earth’ clothing and Asgardian armor. It didn’t matter what he was wearing. She knew that face. She knew that body. That upturn of his lips that signaled he was about to get up to no good.

Her dreams overwhelmed her in that moment in Russia.

_Sigyn’s back was arched, screaming Loki’s name as he made her come undone. He had been especially vivacious, torturing her with pleasure until she thought she might die from it. Not that she’d mind._

_Eventually he relented, right as Sigyn was on the verge of blacking out among the tall blue flowers. Making his way up her body, he left kisses and soft touches to any exposed flesh as she was still mostly clothed. As she gained her breath, she stared into his green eyes which had darkened with lust._

_She couldn’t help but smile, placing her hands at the sides of his face. “And if I had said no?”_

_“I honestly didn’t plan for that.” He was grinning, lowering his body to sate himself within hers._

_The man always had a contingency, it was in his nature. But he didn’t need one with Sigyn. Of course she would say yes… she had promised him…_

When she came to her senses, Sarah didn’t know what to make of this new information. The world was breathing a sigh of relief that Loki had been defeated. And there she was, assaulted by day dreams of Loki that made her body react in ways she’d be ashamed to admit. 

What was wrong with her?

She went about her work and tried to push the dreams out of her mind. It worked, slowly. As long as no one mentioned Loki throughout the day then she had a chance of regular dreams in the night. 

Then her boss wanted to reward her for all her hard work after she came back from Russia. He had bought several tickets to the charity event and gave one to her. At first she was honored, but then she realized he would be there. Thor. Loki’s brother. In the place where Loki was defeated.

She knew it would be a bad idea, and she was right. Here she was, stuck in an interrogation room, basically a prisoner of the Avengers. But reincarnation? That was unexpected. Yet something whispered to her. Told her the truth was only a matter of believing. 

The dreams weren’t hers. She wasn’t lusting for Loki, this Sigyn was. Now that she knew the truth, perhaps she could get better control over it. 

The door opened and she looked up to see Jennifer walk inside. Sarah hadn’t known what to make of the woman at first. Jennifer admitted to being the Hulk’s cousin, but that only gave her the security clearance to be there. Sarah wasn’t exactly a trusting person. One couldn’t be in the line of work she was in. People were always trying to lie and get stuff past her to cover their failures to follow policy. She had learned to spot dodgy people, Jennifer wasn’t one of them. 

“Sarah,” Jennifer said and she noticed the door didn’t close, “Thor would like to speak with you. You can say no, I’ll send him packing.”

As much as Sarah would have liked to see Jennifer take on the thunder god, Sarah didn’t think she had a choice. “It’s fine.”

Jennifer gestured through the open door. Moments later, Thor entered the room.

She had seen him on the news, and from a distance at the party, but she never really understood just how massive he was until he was mere feet from her. Sarah was taller than average, but Thor looked like he would tower over her should she stand. He was dressed in his battle armor, though sans sleeves and cape. His arms were strong and powerful looking. 

While she could understand why most of her coworkers drooled over the man who personified godliness, Sarah thought he was okay. Broad men never appealed to her, they were just too… everything. No, Sarah liked men she could actually wrap herself around. Lithe bodies like… no, don’t think about that.

Jennifer sat down next to her while Thor wordlessly took the chair on the other side of the table. It was almost comical to see his bulk sitting.

“Sarah,” he said, “may I call you Sarah?”

“Sure,” she replied with a dry throat. Not only was this man a literal god from another realm, a superhero and avenger, but he was her brother-in-law in a former life. Sarah couldn’t wrap that around her head, so pushed it aside to deal with another day.

“You look just her,” Thor said quietly, “tough I doubt you want to hear that.”

“Not particularly,” she managed to utter.

“I want you to understand, Sarah.” Thor leaned forward and put his hands on the table. It could have been an intimidating move, but somehow it felt gentle with him. “Loki was not always the monster that Midgard knows. He’s always been mischievous, yes, but he was a good man. He loved. He loved Sigyn, and she loved him in return.”

Sarah could feel the truth in his words. There was a slight pain in her chest, echoes of something beautiful. Something that wasn’t hers. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because no one seems to believe me,” he replied quietly, sadness in his sullen words. 

“Sigyn,” it felt odd every time she said the name, “she did love him, and she believed he loved her in return.”

A sad smile graced Thor’s lips for a moment.

“But I’m not Sigyn,” she managed to say with more confidence. “The only Loki I know tried to take over the planet. I have friends in New York, luckily they survived. So understand that I don’t want these memories. I don’t want anything to do with him.”

“And by extension, myself and Asgard?” Thor asked simply.

It hadn’t occurred to Sarah that she had other connections to Asgard. It was too much to consider so she focused on what was in front of her. “Nothing against you in particular, thank you for saving the planet and all, but…”

“But I remind you of Loki,” he said with a knowing smile.

“These dreams aren’t mine. I don’t want them.” She sat up a little straighter as something occurred to her. “Can you get rid of them? Is there some Asgardian tech that can remove these dreams… memories, whatever they are?”

“Not without the risk of severe mental damage.” Thor spoke gravely. 

“Of course,” she sighed, “nothing can be easy, can it.”

…

“Well,” Lady Hill said as soon as Thor reentered the watch room, “what’s the verdict?”

Thor had deliberated much on his short walk. No matter how he approached the issue of Sarah Brisne, he came to the same conclusion. “She is of no threat.”

“You heard the man,” the defender spoke up quickly, “let my girl go.”

“Now wait a second,” Hill put her hand up, “this could still be a big elaborate ruse of some type.”

“There is no ruse,” Thor spoke loudly for all to hear. “I’ve known Sigyn for a long time, Loki even longer, and recently I’ve spent much thought on the past. I believe Sarah when she says she has no interest in Loki.” Thor remembered how Sigyn could never hide the look in her eye she would get when Loki’s name was mentioned. Even when she professed she did not love him, that they were simply friends, he could see in her eyes the hollowness of the words.

“So,” Stark held out the vowel, “it’s just a coincidence that she shows up here at my party while Loki is holed up in the basement?”

“No,” Thor replied with surety.

“I’m getting real mixed signals here,” Hill said with a bit of a huff.

“The Yggdrasil chose when Sigyn was to be reborn,” he explained as he came to terms with what he believed was the truth. “It brought her into Midgard so that she might be here, now, when Loki is at his darkest.”

“The Soul Tree is omnipotent now?” Barton asked and the others echoed the confused look on his face.

“It is.” Thor thought back to all the history he had ever been taught about the World Tree. “Yggdrasil exists, always, at every moment in time. It kept Sigyn’s soul intact, then delivered it into a near identical body so that we would not miss that it was her.”

“But only gave her a spattering of memories,” the Widow pointed out. “What does Yggdrasil expect from a woman who wants nothing to do with Loki?”

“I do not know,” Thor admitted, holding his head high, “but I trust in the Yggdrasil. Meeting Sarah was not a coincidence. It was fate.”

Natasha leveled her gaze at him. “Fate is often unkind.”

“An unfortunate truth, yes…”


	6. The Decor

_”You’re exhausted,” he didn’t sound very exuberant himself. In fact, he sounded on the verge of death, which was remarkably better than he had been._

_“Shut up and drink,” she told him as she lifted his head as far as she could, holding a small cup to his lips. She’d force the water down his throat if she had to. He had to keep up his strength._

_The Serpent they had encountered when they stumbled into the cave was keeping Loki immobile via magic. Loki was doing his best to break his bonds, but he was weakened and in pain. Sigyn had little experience with the Serpent’s style of magic, all she could do was keep him alive. To that end she had found water and food, or near enough._

_Every time the Serpent came around to torture Loki with its acid dripping fangs, it simply ignored Sigyn. Or perhaps it simply delighted in Sigyn’s own brand of suffering. First she watched as Loki screamed from the acid burning his face. But she found a large bowl amongst the wreckage of others who had been trapped in this place. She used it to catch the acidic venom, though that meant holding the bowl in position for hours as it slowly filled up._

_It was exhausting and she was constantly afraid the Serpent would strike at her. But it hadn’t, not yet at least. It liked to see them both suffer._

_“You should rest,” Loki coughed, the side of his mouth still healing from before Sigyn took up the bowl. “You’re no good to me if you collapse.”_

_“And you’re no good to me dead,” she countered, feeding him more water._

_When he finished drinking, he laid his head back and his body relaxed, a bit. He stared up at the cavernous ceiling. “We both need sleep.”_

_“You rest.” Sigyn went to clean his wounds again. If she could keep it from getting infected, then the faster he could heal naturally. “I’ll watch.”_

_“You’ve said that before.” His gaze turned to her. She had lost count of how many days they had been there so far. Time was quickly becoming an illusion. “When did you last close your eyes for more than a moment?”_

_“I’ll be fine,” she tried to assure him even as her body began to feel sick, in need of rest. The nausea would pass, it always would, though it was coming quicker with each wave._

_“We have time,” his voice was still raspy. “The Serpent will not return for a few hours. Let’s both get some sleep.”_

_“And if the Serpent is to return early?” Sigyn shook her head, trying to rid her mind of his terrible screams. “No, you need to regain your strength. It’s the only way we’ll make it out of here.”_

_Loki frowned. He had stopped asking her why she was doing any of this. She could just walk away, leave him be. But Sigyn had no idea how long it would take for her to exit the cavern, or to bring help. Loki would last a handful of days, at most, if she wasn’t there to treat him. She would not abandoned him just to save herself._

_Not when there was a chance they could both make it out of there._

_“Sleep, Sigyn,” his words were raw. “I will wake you if the Serpent returns.”_

_“How?” She frowned at him. “You can’t move.”_

_“Right,” he sighed and stared back up at the ceiling. She had put her overcoat under his head as a pillow, so at least he had some comfort. “Lay on me.”_

_Sigyn blinked. “What?”_

_“Put your head on my chest.” Loki looked back at her again, then to his torso. “If the Serpent comes before you wake, I can breathe quickly and yell in your ear. If that doesn’t wake you, then I’m sure the Serpent’s venom will.”_

_She couldn’t deny how enticing sleep sounded. Now that it was becoming an option, all her energy disappeared, leaving her heavy and ill. “Are you sure?”_

_“You’re no good to me if you die of exhaustion,” he replied blandly, although there was a touch of fear underneath his words._

_Unable to resist the call of blissful sleep, Sigyn scooted down his body. Her acid catching bowl was within quick reach as she made herself comfortable. It took a few adjustments, moving her arms and torso so she wouldn’t put too much weight on him._

_“This okay?” she asked, unable to see his face as she was looking down at his feet. She was so afraid to fall asleep, but her body did not care._

_“It’s fine,” Loki replied softly. “I’m going to sleep now.”_

_“Sleep well,” she said habitually as her eyes drifted shut._

_“And you.”_

Sarah startled awake, then groaned heavily into her pillow. 

It’d gotten worse.

Seeing Loki six months ago had made her dreams sharper. Now that she discovered her relationship to him, her reincarnation, the dreams were becoming even more defined. Each time she fell asleep she was assaulted by greater details than before.

A year ago she would only be able to remember laying her head across her lover’s chest, though there was nothing sexual about it. She was guarding the man, or at least that is what it felt like she was doing. Now the dream was complete and she knew exactly what she was protecting Loki from. 

Loki… the man who easily killed hundreds and tried to take over Earth… was very much afraid in that moment but refused to show his fear. Afraid that she would leave him and he’d be all alone, left to die. And Sigyn, conflicted in her own feelings. She was so afraid he would die, that she couldn’t save him, the man she may have fallen in love with.

Sarah wasn’t drunk enough yet to deal with any of this, even if she had only just woken up.

It’d been a week since her captivity at Avengers tower. Those first couple of days were the worse. First she had to explain away to her boss why the Avengers had basically arrested her. Thankfully Stark was able to play it off so that Sarah wouldn’t be fired, or worse, her reputation sullied. 

Wanting to make sure that SHIELD never bothered her again, she allowed them to search her home. Assistant Director Hill seemed disappointed that she didn’t find anything. Sarah was worried they might have put listening devices or cameras in her townhouse though. Again, Stark, on Jennifer’s behalf, made sure SHIELD was keeping their end of the deal.

Then came the dreams in such vivid technicolor that Sarah could barely sleep. She took a few days off work, well, she worked from home at least. She’d drag around her apartment, nodding off into short naps that would eventually result in her waking up either aroused or miserable. Often both.

But as the days passed she started to run out of dreams. She hoped she just needed to get it out of her system. She doubted they would go away forever but perhaps they would become less frequent. That it would go back to how it was before the invasion.

There was a knock at the door, a rather persistent one. Sarah realized she had heard the doorbell earlier, at the end of her dream. It was one of those quasi moments of surrealism. 

Grabbing her robe, she thudded down the stairs and made her way to the front door. At this point she didn’t care that she had bed hair and no makeup. Or that it was ten am and she probably should have been awake by now anyway. Whoever was visiting her was just going to have to deal with it.

“Are you doing okay?” asked Jennifer after Sarah opened the door for her.

“Probably not,” Sarah shrugged and headed towards the kitchen at the back of the townhouse. “Coffee?”

“Just had Dunkin’ actually,” Jennifer replied and then waited in the living room as Sarah started the coffee machine. “Redecorating?”

Sarah sighed, saying just loud enough, “Something like that.”

It had taken three days for Sarah to realize it. The walls of her townhouse were a light shade of emerald. Her accent pieces were mostly gold. Her wardrobe favored blue. She had a large painting of a spindly tree with twisted roots. 

In what could only be called a panic attack, Sarah blew through her town house like a midland tornado. Down came paintings and art pieces. Clothes were shoved into bags for Goodwill. She couldn’t do anything about the walls for the moment. So she called up her previous house painters and set up an appointment for getting a new coat of anything but green. 

Then she had sat on the floor in the front of her bed, crying. 

She was not Sigyn. 

She wasn’t.

“I ask again, are you okay?” Jennifer said as Sarah came back into the living room, sipping on some heavily doctored coffee. Lots of hazelnut creamer, some sugar, a few drops of whiskey. 

“I have some things to work through,” Sarah shrugged and nearly collapsed into a chair. “I’ll be fine. Just thought my soul could use some spring cleaning.”

“I suppose that’s one way to put it.” Jennifer frowned, glancing over at a gold, blue, and green expressionist painting. Sarah had bought it in college because she felt drawn to it. Jennifer walked over and picked it up. “I like it. How much?”

“For you?” Sarah shrugged, taking another sip of her coffee. “A buck fifty.”

“Sold.” Jennifer put the painting down and walked over Sarah. As she did, she pulled a small wad of bills out of her pocket. She handed Sarah two dollars. “Keep the change.”

“Should have held out for a fiver,” Sarah tried to smirk as she pocketed the money but everything came out flat.

Jennifer just looked down on her with a strange kind of pity. “Have you considered therapy?”

“I’m fine,” she tried to say with confidence, sitting her mug on the coffee table. “Just having a little bumps in the adjustment period is all. It’s not like they have self-help books for reincarnated souls who were madly in love with tyrannical wannabe dictators in a past life.”

“I’m serious, Sarah,” Jennifer crossed her arms, “this isn’t healthy.”

“You think I don’t know how not okay I am right now?” Sarah pulled her feet up into the chair. “You know how messed up it is, to look around and realize that the decisions you made, the things you like, were never yours to begin with.”

“We’re all influenced by our environments,” she told her, waving her hand around the room. “You know how many people like greens and blues? As many who like reds and yellows.”

“You don’t understand.” Sarah shook her head and closed her eyes. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty and I know that the only reason I like things, that I did things, is because of these damn memories.”

The blue flowers were the reason she loved the color blue. They were the reason she got into environmental sciences. She gained a curious love of botany when she realized she couldn’t find the flower, anywhere. Then one of the books she read spoke of the organic nature of the world, how everything was connected. That piqued her interest and she fell down the rabbit hole. 

How many things in her life could she say she was just ‘drawn to it’? Too many…

“If you need help, then we’ll get it for you,” Jennifer reiterated, waving her hands wide. “Hell, I’ll get the Avengers to pay for it.”

As tempting as it was to make Tony Stark shell out money for her, she shook her head no. “I don’t want to deal with them. The best thing I can do is just continue on with my life. Try to make a fresh start. Now that I know about the memories, I can make more informed decisions.”

“It’s a good enough plan.” Jennifer sat on the sofa arm rest. “But it’s not going to happen. You’re caught up in something much bigger than yourself now. Even if you keep to the sidelines, you’ll always be down there, on the field, rather than in the stands.”

“Geez, thanks,” Sarah rolled her eyes and collapsed further into the chair, “not only do you have to burst my bubble but you had to use a sports reference?”

“I do what I can.” Jennifer chuckled, then went back to somber. “I’m here because Thor has requested a meeting with you. He wants your help with Loki.”

Sarah blinked. “What?”

“From what he told me,” Jennifer stood up and started to mildly pace, “he thinks you can help him get Loki to open up about who he was working for. “

“Loki was working for someone?” This was the first Sarah had heard of it.

“Thor’s pretty sure he was taking orders from someone,” Jennifer explained. “He said the invasion wasn’t Loki’s style, and he was acting a bit strange. We only have Thor’s word for it though.”

“If he’s expecting me to corroborate,” Sarah frowned, “he’s sorely mistaken about my level of knowledge.”

“That’s not what he wants.” Jennifer walked over to her newly bought painting. “I think he plans on asking you to be some kind of prop to appeal to his humanity or some such.”

“Wow,” she replied bluntly. 

Jennifer shrugged and picked up the artwork. “I’m probably exaggerating. Thor really does think you can help though. Loki knows things, but he ain’t talking.”

“Why would he talk to me?” Sarah’s face crinkled at the absurdity. “I’m not Sigyn.”

“You’re a part of her though, whether you want to accept that or not.” Jennifer turned back towards her as she tucked the painting under arm. “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but thinking it will just go away on its own is only going to make it worse.”

Sarah frowned at her. “You think I should do it?”

“I think you should talk to Thor.” She shrugged. “Get your facts straight. Know what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“I didn’t get myself into anything,” Sarah rolled her eyes and went to pick her coffee back up. “This was dumped on me at birth apparently.”

“It happens.” Jennifer shrugged. “All you can do is make the best of it. Call me if you decide.”

“I’ll think about it,” Sarah told her as she sipped on the now lukewarm drink.

“And for Pete’s sake,” Jennifer said as she walked towards the front door, “take a shower.”

“Thanks,” Sarah said sarcastically as her lawyer let herself out.

For ten minutes, Sarah stared out into nothing, not allowing herself to even think. But then reality came crashing back at her. 

She really ought to take a shower.

…

“Thank you for meeting with me.”

Sarah heard the Thunder God approach as she stood staring at the Empire State Building. When she agreed to meet Thor, Jennifer set up a meeting at Stark Tower. Specifically, Stark’s personal living space. 

This might not have been the best idea.

“I’ll admit,” she said as she turned towards him, “I’m curious. Doesn’t mean I’ll help though.”

“Of course.” Thor nodded and gestured towards the seating area. He was dressed down in Earth clothes again. She wondered if he did that so as not to be so intimidating. “You said you had questions about Sigyn?”

“Yeah,” she idly scratched at the blotches on her hands, “just a few.”

Taking Jennifer’s advice, Sarah decided to at least hear Thor out. If he was right, and she could help, then she’d never forgive herself if there was another invasion and she hadn’t at least tried. She also figured it would also be a good chance to get some questions answered. Win-win for everyone.

“What would you like to know?” He asked as they both sat down.

“Well,” Sarah took a deep breath and tried to get her thoughts straight, “Sigyn had family, are they… are they still alive?” She had dreamed about them but the idea that they were real still seemed so foreign and surreal. 

“Yes,” he gave her a bit of a sad smile, “and I would like your permission to tell them about you.”

It hadn’t occurred to Sarah that no one would tell them about her being Sigyn’s reincarnation. In fact, now that she thought of it, only Thor and the other Asgardian, Eir, actually knew. Would they tell other Asgardians? What difference would it make if they did?

“Well, um,” Sarah frowned, “I’ll leave that to your judgement. If you think it’s better for them to know than not, then sure, you can tell them.”

“I believe they should know,” he told her firmly but gently, “though they will likely ask if they can meet you.”

“Oh.” Sarah hadn’t considered that either. Of course they would want to meet their daughter’s reincarnation. But she wasn’t Sigyn, what could she even say to them? They weren’t her parents, she felt nothing towards them, they were strangers. But they loss their child, seeing her could help with any closure they needed. “I’m not opposed to it, but not right now. I have way too much of my own issues to work through.”

“Understandable.” Thor gave her no argument. “What else would you like to know?”

Sarah asked about the flower, which she learned was a Starflower. She was also curious about an image she had seen more than once. Turns out it was Sigyn’s house symbol. She then asked what Sigyn had done to make her family so proud so she could have context for the dream. It seems it was the Asgardian equivalent of getting their Ph.D. Or at least Thor was sure that was likely the moment given all the details Sarah could provide.

It was little things like that which Sarah asked. She asked nothing of Loki, nor of the incident in the cave, or of his intimate moments with Sigyn. That was still too much for her to process, let alone talk about. 

“I think that’s all I got for now,” Sarah said once he had answered as best he could. Sarah hoped that maybe having these answers would help the dreams settle and fade away. Take the mystique out of them as it were. If it worked, then she could perhaps ask about Loki.

“I will always be glad to answer any questions you may have.” Thor smiled at her and it seemed genuine. 

“Good to know,” Sarah cleared her throat. “Alright, so, you wanted my help? Though I’m not sure what I can do. I’m not Sigyn.”

“Do you know much about the Norns?” Thor asked her.

“The three fates?” Sarah had done a lot of research over Norse mythology the past few days.

“There are more than three,” Thor explained, “and they are not quite like your legends. Much of your mythology has been… lost in translation.”

“I don’t doubt that one bit,” she responded dryly.

“As powerful and long-lived as our people are,” Thor continued, “as knowledgeable as we are in the magics of science, we still believe in fate. There are parts to this universe which cannot be explained through magic. And many things do happen for a reason.”

Sarah tilted her head slightly. “Do you believe the universe is sentient?” 

“Something like that,” Thor answered cryptically. “Sigyn may have made the choice to sacrifice herself, but it was the Yggdrasil that chose to bring her back, thirty-one years ago, to Midgard. It’s like it knew that Loki would attempt to invade Midgard, here and now. You are the same visible age as Sigyn was when she died.”

“That actually sounds kinda creepy,” she let out a nervous laugh.

“I can understand your hesitation.” Thor nodded and clasped his hands together. “But this cannot be a coincidence. I do believe you can help Loki.”

“How could I help him?” Sarah raised her voice a bit, starting to get a little angry. “I don’t know him. He doesn’t know me. I’m not Sigyn.”

“But Loki was raised to believe in the Norns, in fate,” Thor replied urgently. “If he were to see you, see that Yggdrasil brought you here, to this world. Perhaps he’d see it as a sign that he should protect Midgard, not let it burn.”

“You realize what you’re saying, right?” Sarah nearly shouted at him. “That I was literally put on this world to be nothing but a prop. That apparently, no matter what decisions I made, I was to end up here. Like I’m some doll to wave in front of a murderer to get him to place nice?”

“That’s…” Thor, an actual God, seemed to be at a loss in front of her, “I know that’s how it sounds. Believe me, I do not wish to have to ask this of you. I want Loki to do this on his own accord, not because he was manipulated.”

“But that’s exactly what you want me to do.” Sarah sat back in her seat, shaking her head in disgust. “Manipulate him. Play nice with a man who’s little more than a monster.”

“I have thought this over many nights now,” he spoke so seriously that she was forced to meet his eyes. “The truth is, my brother will not listen to me. He won’t listen to anyone. But he would always listen to Sigyn.”

“I’m not Sigyn,” her voice was low, nearly threatening.

“I know, you’re Sarah, of Midgard.” Thor was not fazed by her. “I’m asking you to help me. It’s your decision to make.”

“Like hell it is.” Sarah shook her head again. “If Loki tells you what he knows, then that could save lives. As a Midgardian, who lives on this planet, then it’s my duty to do whatever I can to protect it.”

Thor blinked. “Are you saying that you’ll help?”

“I’m saying I don’t have a choice in the matter, do I?” Sarah let out a disgruntled sigh. 

Meeting with Thor had only confirmed her fears, that her life wasn’t her own. From birth she had been tugged and nudged through events so that she could play the part the universe had given her. 

Okay, fine, whatever. She’d do this. She’d talk to Loki and hopefully help save the planet. Then afterwards, she was done. No longer would she be beholden to fate. She’d finally start living her life on her own terms, and not as some shadow of a deceased goddess.

…

“How’d it go, big guy?” Stark asked after Sarah left. He tried not to eavesdrop on the conversation, but had Jarvis give him the highlights.

“It went well.” Thor looked a bit pensive. “She will help me talk to Loki.”

“That’s good then,” Stark grabbed a decanter off the wet bar, “so why the long face?”

“It was strange,” Thor furrowed his brow and glanced towards the elevator that Sarah left through, “I know she is not Sigyn. Yet…”

“Yet…?” Stark prompted him.

“She has Sigyn’s attitude,” Thor let out a small puff of breath, almost a laugh.

Stark’s brow shot up. “This gonna be a problem?”

“I do not know…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm taking a slightly different spin with the idea of reincarnation here. I hope you guys enjoy!  
> It will mean a lot of angst in the future. :)  
> Thank you for reading!


	7. The Imposter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Now for the moment I think you might have been waiting for. :-)  
> No, not that one, the other one... ;-)

_Now_

“That’s the sign.” Natasha Romanoff turned towards Sarah. “Loki can’t pass through the barrier, and Thor is in there with you, so you’ll be perfectly safe.”

“Good to know,” Sarah took a deep breath. She’d been watching the exchange between Thor and Loki on the monitor. Her heart seemed to both speed up and skip beats as her body remembered the dreams. But all Sarah could think was that this is the man who would gladly watch her world burn.

And then he changed, turned blue with laser red eyes. Thor had told her he was Jotun, though offered little detail about the race. He warned her that Loki may use it to frighten her. This whole thing could quite easily end up with him lashing out at them if they failed. 

“If any time you feel the need to leave,” Jennifer was there with her, “you head to the door. Remember, you’re here as a curtsey. You don’t owe Thor anything, and certainly not Loki.”

“Yeah,” Sarah took another deep breath. She could do this. So as long as she didn’t have a crippling attack of memories upon meeting her husband-in-a-former-life.

Keeping her back straight and her head held high, Sarah walked through the opened door. When Loki came into view, her steps faltered slightly. She was hit by a wave of familiarity as she was now looking at him in the flesh for the first time. They said it would be cold in the room, so she wore a scarf, but it was stifling under his gaze.

Loki was boiling in anger, though he only let it simmer at the surface. Sarah couldn’t say how she knew this, but she did.

“Why, Thor,” Loki’s voice was dripping with such false pleasantry it knocked Sarah out of her awe, “I never thought you’d have it in you to sink so low. You’ve outdone yourself.”

“You were right, brother,” Thor gestured towards her, “Yggdrasil did return Sigyn’s soul. This is Sarah, of Midgard. She is Sigyn’s reincarnation, a child of the Yggdrasil’s will.”

When she stepped inside, Loki’s eyes had raked over her critically. Now his attention was drawn squarely to her own eyes, as if he was trying to see the truth beneath them. 

“Sif?” Loki threw the name out, squinting at her. “Or did you talk poor Kari into impersonating her dead sister?” He followed up with a few tsks. 

“This is no trick, Loki,” Thor told him firmly.

“It’s appalling, is what it is,” Loki spoke sharply as he whipped his head sideways so he could stare down Thor. “You want me to help you,” his words were like acid, “yet you sully the one last good memory I have.” His body trembled slightly in repressed rage. “Get. Out.”

“Yggdrasil returned Sigyn,” Thor took a step forward, “just as you said it would.”

“I was delusional!” Loki nearly shouted, directing all his anger towards Thor and thankfully not at her. “Just as how I thought I was ever your brother!” Something seemed to have snapped in him. Thor was right, seeing the visage of his wife did get through to Loki, but not in the way they had hoped. 

“Loki…” Thor said more softly.

“All those years,” Loki chuckled in a near manic way, “thinking I could one day stand on par with the golden son, be your equal. Just more delusions. Is it no wonder I went mad?”

Loki glanced over at her and there was a sadness in them she wasn’t expecting. Both Thor and Natasha had warned her that he was a manipulator. But something inside her told her to trust this, trust him. She wasn’t sure though if she could actually trust herself.

“Well,” Loki turned his head back to Thor, seemingly calmer but there was an edge to his voice, “at least I know I am better than you in one thing at least. Now take away this… _fake_ and never darken my cell again.”

“I’m not giving up on you, brother—“

“NOT YOUR BROTHER!” Loki shouted back. “Now leave! And take the imposter with you.”

Thor looked to say something, but then shook his head in defeat. He turned towards her and gestured to the door. As he walked over, Sarah stood still, trying to understand what just happened. They literally just yelled at each other while she stood there and watched. She had done nothing.

“That’s it?” she asked, glancing between the two Asgardians. 

“Nothing we can do,” Thor replied, defeated. “He doesn’t believe you are Sigyn reborn.”

Sarah had been known to be impulsive at times. It usually turned out pretty good for her. Though that didn’t mean what she was about to do was a smart idea. “What if I went into the cell? Then he’d be able to see this isn’t an illusion.”

Thor’s eyes widened slightly. “No, I cannot protect you as I must stay out here.”

“Right,” Sarah frowned, “because if you go in there with me you two will probably get into a fist fight.”

“Most likely,” Loki said with a grin, but there was definitely a curious slant to his eyes now. 

“Sarah, no,” Thor told her again, putting his hand on her shoulder. “Loki could snap your neck before I could react.”

“But he won’t,” she said to Thor, then turned to Loki. “If I am Sigyn’s reincarnation, child of the Yggdrasil, whatever, then you wouldn’t harm me, would you?”

Loki stared at her for a good minute, narrowing his eyes. “You better hope you can convince me.”

Sarah swallowed hard and pulled away from Thor. She knew Loki wouldn’t hurt Sigyn, it was a fact she saw in her dreams. That afforded her protection so long as he believed she was a reincarnation. Like Jennifer said, Sigyn is a part of her, and that was enough.

As she moved towards the energy field, Thor said nothing else to stop her. It was probably because it was pointless. If he truly didn’t want her to do it, then he could pick her up and drag her out of the room. Not like she could stop him. The real question was why hadn’t Natasha or Jennifer come in to stop her either. 

All these questions were pushed aside as she passed through the energy field. It was… strange. She prickled all over, as if her whole body had that pins and needle sensation of a foot falling asleep. But as soon as she cleared it, all that was left was a slight disorientation. 

Loki was standing a few feet in front of her, his body tensed as he once again examined her. She was so close to him now, she could hear him breathe. The room smelt hauntingly of evergreens and musk which her body wanted to wrap itself into. She could see all the sharp details of his stern face which was a mockery of her soft dreams.

Composing herself, which was harder than it sounds, she held out her hands. “Sigyn kept her scars, the Yggdrasil saw fit to mark me with them.”

As if he was a coinsurer presented with a five dollar bottle of wine, Loki stepped forward and took her left hand to examine it. He started at the back before turning it over to follow the discoloration onto her palm. The moment could have been intimate, but he was very clinical in the way he pulled at the skin where the hyperpigmentation stopped. She couldn’t decide if she was terrified or aroused.

Her body was reacting on its own volition. It recognized Loki. But all she could see was a murderer who was quite possibly mad.

When he was finished, he simply let go and she awkwardly half-dropped her hand. He grabbed the right and did the same, but then jerked her arm forward. He caught the sleeve of her cardigan, pushing it up. There was another mark, slightly bigger than a silver dollar, right below her elbow on the flat of her arm. Sarah had hyperpigmentation her whole life, she had assumed it was all random. But if her hands were marks of Sigyn’s soul, the others could be as well.

Before she had a chance to even register how close he had gotten to her, he spun her around. With precision movements, he lifted up her cardigan and top while tugging at her jeans. She saw Thor move forward but she waved him off. She knew what Loki was looking for.

Loki’s cold fingers tugged at the skin just below her waistline. There was a smattering of large splotches she’d only seen in mirrors and a few photos. He examined her as clinically as before. There was nothing sensual or disconcerting about his touch. She almost wanted to thank him out loud for it. 

The rush of anxiety and fear had started to fade away. Sarah was quite aware of the heat radiating from Loki’s body. A body that she knew intimately, after a fashion. If her dreams were to be taken as gospel instead of exaggerated wish fulfillment, then she knew what he was capable of. It was not something she needed to be thinking about. Though her body had clearly already thought about.

His hands moved up to the back of her neck. He pushed her hair aside and tilted her head down as a hairdresser might do. The anxiety came back as Sarah didn’t have any marks there. What could he be looking for? Would not finding it spell her doom?

Loki placed both his hands on her shoulders, letting her hair fall back into place. He leaned into her, his breath brushing against her cheek as he spoke lowly into her ear. “What other marks do you have?”

“My leg,” her voice trembled and so she cleared her throat. There was others but she had a feeling he meant this one. “Specifically the inside of my upper left thigh.”

He said nothing, simply pulled his head back to stand up straight behind her. Loki’s hands were still on her shoulders and she felt them tense. It was the kind of trembling that comes from those desperate to hold on but can only let go. It was the first time she felt warmth in his touch.

Sarah found herself being pushed forward. It wasn’t a harsh motion, just unexpected, and she stumbled slightly. She caught herself before she could hit the energy barrier. 

“As nice as it feels to be vindicated regarding Yggdrasil,” Loki spoke entirely too calmly, “this woman is nothing but a crude facsimile of Sigyn. Bringing her here was pointless.”

“The Yggdrasil brought her here,” Thor countered as Sarah turned around to face Loki. “Why would it pick such a time and place if not for a reason?”

“Oh,” Loki narrowed his eyes at him, “I see your game, _brother_ , and it’s terribly dull.”

“The Norns—”

“DO NOT CARE!” Loki cut him off with a wide swath of his hands. “If they did, then I would not be in this cell. I would be on the throne, as is my _right_.” His words turned snidely. “And you would be off somewhere punching things to your heart’s content.”

“I have changed, Loki,” Thor told him, not completely rising to the bait. “You have too. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Sarah is a sign—”

“That Sigyn is truly dead,” Loki interrupted with cold words. “Now leave and take this shell with you. Do so quickly and I may yet be able to forgive this travesty you’ve committed, as well intentioned as it might have been.”

The brothers spoke so quickly and intently to each other that again Sarah could do nothing but watch. Her head moved back and forth like she was watching tennis, trying to keep track of the ball. It was clear they had more baggage than could ever be cleared in a single day, if ever. She truly felt like an outsider, or worse, a prop.

A doll waved in front of a madman to placate him. Only it did nothing but rile him up. 

Loki had accepted that she was Sigyn’s reincarnation. He also acknowledged that she wasn’t Sigyn. That actually made her feel very relieved. But it got them nowhere. And as much as she wanted to run away and be done with it, say that she tried, she couldn’t let it end this way. 

“You really are a bag of dicks, aren’t you?” she found herself saying.

Loki paused, his eyes shifting towards her. “Excuse me?” 

“You’re a murderer,” she said bluntly, “you tried to enslave a planet, you don’t deserve a second chance, yet,” her arm spread wide to point towards Thor, “he keeps trying to give you one. And all you do is throw it back in his face like an ass.”

“An ass?” His jaw clenched and glared at her intensely. “How quaint.”

“Oh, drop the act.” She wasn’t going to be afraid of him. Loki wouldn’t hurt her, because he could never hurt Sigyn, even a shadow of her. “I’ve seen your type. You screwed up, made some bad decisions, but you’re too damn prideful to admit it.”

“You know nothing of me,” he laughed off but she could hear it, the chord she struck.

“I know you’re not evil.” It was an unfortunate truth that she hadn’t wanted to admit to herself. If her dreams were real, then she knew that Loki had many faults, but he wasn’t inherently evil. At least when Sigyn knew him. He could have changed, but the more she stood in his presence, the more she understood him. “You’re still a murderer, a wannabe dictator, but you’re doing it to play a part. I can see it, the way you’re refusing to accept Thor’s help. It’s not because you hate him, it’s not because you were wronged, though maybe it started that way. It’s because this is the path you’ve stumbled on and you’re too prideful to admit you’ve gotten lost.”

Sarah surprised herself, the words shooting from her like a pressure valve release. She had met men like Loki before. Prideful to a terrible fault. Unwilling to accept their mistakes. But she was much more tactful, a lot less angry, when dealing with them. And she was perhaps not as sure and decisive at those times either. 

With Loki… she just knew, and it terrified her. Knowing something without having the history of learning it? Sigyn knew Loki better than anyone, it would have taken her a split second to figure this all out. It took Sarah only a few minutes as the answer formed inside her. 

She’d scream if she wasn’t distracted by the fact Loki was staring at her with dark, vengeful eyes.

“Thanos,” Loki spoke and Sarah blinked. 

Thor stepped up. “What was that?” 

“You wanted a name, _brother_ ,” Loki said snidely without taking his eyes off her. “I do hope you were paying attention as I shant be repeating myself.”

A name? Loki had given them a name, but of who? The person Thor believed was behind the attack? 

“Why?” Thor asked, his voice deep and echoing in the room. 

“I don’t have to explain myself,” Loki answered, looking at Sarah now with unhidden curiosity. 

“Thank you,” Sarah told him, feeling a bit uncomfortable under his gaze, “but you’re still an ass.”

Loki broke into a grin and laughed. “You’ve amused me enough, you can go now.”

“Glad I could help.” Sarah’s tone indicated anything but. 

“You know,” he continued to grin at her like he knew something she didn’t, “it’s awfully boring down here. I could use some entertainment.”

“Loki,” Thor said warningly and he took steps closer to the barrier.

“Oh, hush,” Loki tsked at him. “I was just thinking I wouldn’t mind a few rounds of hnefatafl with the good Midgardian.”

“Hnefatafl?” Sarah questioned, glancing between the brothers. “That’s not a euphemism for anything, is it?”

“It’s a game,” Thor told her as he watched his brother, “similar to your chess.”

“Oh.” Sarah frowned. The whole situation got a bit strange on her real quick. Was Loki asking her to play chess with him? Why? For some reason all she could stutter was, “I don’t know how to play.”

“I can teach you.” Loki smiled at her as if they weren’t in his prison cell deep in the Avengers tower. 

“Enough,” Thor commanded, drawing Loki’s attention. “I did not bring Sarah here for your amusement.”

“You brought her because you want answers,” Loki said harshly, the joviality dropping from his features in an instance. “You wanted to manipulate me with her. I told you I knew your game and it was dull. I have a better one in mind.” He turned his eyes back towards her. “For every round of hnefatafl, the imposter can ask me a question, and I will answer it.”

Thor started to spout at his brother that he was being unreasonable. That Loki should want to help, not play his games. Sarah ignored them as she thought about what he said, and what she knew of Loki through the dreams. He was a trickster, yes, God of Lies, but that didn’t mean he was a liar. It also didn’t mean he was untrustworthy. It simply meant that he enjoyed a little chaos. 

He’d give them what they wanted, but on his terms.

“How long does a game last?” Sarah asked and both men stopped bickering to stare at her. “It’s not one of those games that take like, days or years to finish?”

“Between an expert such as myself,” Loki smiled smugly, though she wasn’t sure if it was from his knowledge of the game or the fact he knew he won, “and a novice, a few hours, at most.”

Sarah looked to Thor who nodded his agreement. She then turned back to Loki. “You’ll answer each question, truthfully, to the best of your knowledge. No lies. No omissions. No convenient half-truths?”

Loki’s smile turned into something serious. “I have never lied to Sigyn, I never would. And I would never sully her memory, even if you are a poor reproduction of her.”

“Are you always this personable?” she replied sarcastically and he frowned at her. 

This was probably a very big mistake. But if fate was going to throw her this curve ball of being the reincarnation of Sigyn, she was at least going to make it worth it. She wasn’t going to walk away until she knew she had done everything she could to help protect her planet. Even if that meant spending a few hours playing sorta-chess with a murderer.

Correction, this was definitely a big mistake.

…

“He’s going to try to manipulate you,” Natasha told Sarah during the debrief. “He knows you’re a civilian, and that makes you vulnerable. You don’t have training.”

“Yeah, that crossed my mind,” but only after she made the deal with Loki. Sarah knew he must have ulterior motives for wanting to play hnefatafl with her. She didn’t need Sigyn’s memories to figure that out. But it didn’t occur to her until afterwards just how deep of a hole she had dug herself. 

“You’ll be monitored.” Hill was also in the room, along with Thor. “We’ll keep an eye out for warning signs. We’ll guide you through this.”

“I appreciate it,” she replied sincerely.

“Thor,” Natasha addressed him but didn’t take her eyes off of Sarah, “do you think Loki would try to seduce her?”

Sarah choked on air. 

“One of Loki’s greatest weapons has been his charm,” Thor spoke as if he had been considering it as well, “that is why he is sometimes referred to as Silvertongue. But Loki he knows he’s being closely watched. I doubt he’ll try anything so overt.”

“Oh, good,” Sarah managed to get her breathing back under control.

Natasha smirked at her. “Doesn’t mean he won’t try to be subtle.”

That’s all Sarah needed, her former self’s husband trying to seduce her. “Loki is a bat-shit crazy murderer, sorry Thor, but I’m never gonna forget that.”

“Good,” Hill told her with a deadly serious look on her face, “but we’ll keep an eye out, just in case.”

Yeah… this was gonna go great.

…

_”You’re not allowed in here,” a voice spoke loudly, as if it wanted to boom but didn’t have the cadence for it._

_Loki paused, his hand gripping the binding of an old text. Putting on his best smile, the one that was too bewitching to ignore, he turned towards whomever had caught him. It was a young woman, about his age, with her hair pleated and twisted over her shoulder. She was one of the daughters of the World Keepers, those tasked with learning and protecting the secrets of the Yggdrasil._

_“Hello,” he smiled brightly and he saw her resolve melt a little. “I was only needing some reference materials. I won’t be a spot of trouble.”_

_Squaring her shoulders, she walked across the room from the doorway. He got a good look at her face, a passible beauty, like every other woman of the court. He’d easily charm her and be on his way._

_“Please leave,” she said as she gently took the book, her facial expression firm. “This library is for World Keepers and Journeyman only. No one else is to enter without express permission from the King.”_

_Loki’s grin grew tight but he plied his charms. “Perhaps you haven’t recognized me. I am Loki Odinson, your Prince.”_

_“Which is why I haven’t called the guards,” she replied back sternly. “I will do so, if that is what it will take.”_

_“Would you now?” Loki dropped all pretense of pleasantries. “Everything in this library, by right, belongs to my father.”_

_“And you must ask his permission, as everyone else.” The girl was like an immovable stone. How dare she speak to him in such a way? “Some of these books are very fragile, they must be treated with the proper respect. Now, please leave or I_ will _call the guards.”_

_Anger started to boil at the fact that this lesser tier nobleman’s daughter had the nerve to treat him like that. He was a prince. He shouldn’t have to ask permission to visit a library that would technically be his one day._

_She stood aside and gestured towards the door. Upon quick consideration, he decided he’d leave. But only so he could plot his revenge. Something befitting one so lofty._

_Five days later, Loki returned with a writ from his father that secured him access to the World Keeper’s library. He had to go through his mother to get it, but that was beside the point. Walking in, he unceremoniously handed it to the girl. As she read it, he allowed only a slightly smug expression on his face._

_When he asked for permission, he mentioned the girl. ‘She was very helpful in ensuring proper guidelines were followed to ensure the safety of the valuable contents of the library’. With that stated, he weaved in a clause to his writ. To ensure that the books were properly cared for, the girl, Sigyn, was to assist him in his research. It was worded as such that he could literally use her as his own personal slave, in regards to the library at least._

_He saw when her eyes hit that part of the writ, the implications dawning on her. She’d be livid, or maybe passive aggressive, either way, it would put her in her place._

_“Shall we get started?” Sigyn said as she handed the writ back to him. “The book you were looking at was about all the known places the realms touch.” She moved deftly to one of the shelves. “It is a good resource, but I think this would serve you better.”_

_A pair of gloves appeared on Sigyn’s hands as she pulled another book from the shelf. She walked over to the table and laid it down to carefully open it. Loki simply stood there, transfixed. This girl was actually being helpful without aggression. How dare she take all the fun out of the situation._

_“I must have been mistaken,” he spoke up, thinking fast. “What I need is information on Vanaheim’s connection to Yggdrasil.”_

_“Of course,” she returned the book and selected a few others._

_That’s how the next few hours went. Loki ran her ragged, changing his mind, going on tangents. But Sigyn never got frustrated, never rolled her eyes. She did her duty admirably. Loki was incensed._

_“Stop,” he nearly growled as she went after yet another random book for him. At this rate, he would never actually get the knowledge he needed. “You are quite insufferable.”_

_“I’m doing my duty, my prince,” she replied near innocently but he knew it was a lie. It turns out she had inherently more patience than he thought she would. She’d play his game and win simply by outlasting him._

_“Clean all this up,” he gestured to the books and data tablets she had left out on the table. “I will return tomorrow and we will start anew.”_

_“Very well.” Sigyn nodded and went to packing up the area._

_Loki battled with himself, wanting to see what it took to get this woman to rise to his bait. But at the same time, he had to respect her resolve. He tried one last trick, one he tended to avoid due to the inelegance of it. “We have much work ahead, so clear your schedule. I’m sure that won’t be an issue for one such as your lowly self.”_

_Sigyn finished stacking some tablets, then glanced up at him with a very serious and thoughtful expression. “Are you always this personable?”_

Laying on his side, Loki opened his eyes as he woke from the dream. It had been a long time since he dreamt of this particular moment. The day he had met his beloved Sigyn, and the moment she became his beloved, not that he had realized that yet.

No, it wasn’t until Sigyn was laying in his arms after their first night together that he knew truth. It was with those words he fell for her. He was simply too annoyed and curious to notice. 

But he befriended her, kept her close. Then came the tortures of the Serpent… and they secrets they revealed to each other...

Curse the Norns! 

What was the point in all this? To bring him that imposter here instead of his beloved? 

Loki cursed himself for losing his composure. He thought he’d buried his feelings for Sigyn. Hid them from the Other, from Thanos. From himself. To protect them. But seeing Sigyn’s reincarnation, realizing that she had truly come back, but not as herself… 

Would the fates ever allow him to know peace?

And this Sarah, she presented her own problems. How could she know what Sigyn said to him that day? How could anyone know important that moment was? He never even admitted it to Sigyn. Yet that imposter used the very same words. Could it have been a cosmic coincidence? Or was Sigyn somewhere inside that shell? Could he claw away the surface and find her below, awaiting to rise like a phoenix?

Originally Loki thought he could use this fake to find a way out of his prison. Perhaps now he’d be making his escape with his beloved in his arms. He’d risk drawing the attention of Thanos again, but it’d be worth it. 

Loki would do anything to get Sigyn back, even if it meant letting this world burn.


	8. The Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got out of control.  
> This fic is out of control and I'll be lucky if I live through it.

“Natasha,” Thor met her at the end of the hall as she made her way to the elevator, “a moment of your time.”

“What’s up, big guy?” Natasha gestured for him to walk with her. They were both going down to Loki’s cage. Sarah would be joining them soon. This was to be her first day playing hnefatafl with the prisoner.

“I did not want to frighten Sarah before,” Thor told her as they entered the elevator, “but hnefatafl was a favored pastime of Loki and Sigyn’s.”

“I see.” A million possibilities ran through her head with this new information. Many she struck down quite quickly, but a few had dangerous potential. “What do you think it means?”

“Loki has always enjoyed hnefatafl,” Thor said as the elevator descended. “It could mean nothing at all.”

“But?” 

Thor frowned. “They would spend hours playing. Sometimes watching them try to best each other could make you feel indecent.”

“Like that is it?” Natasha chuckled slightly.

“Loki and Sigyn were not like most Asgardians,” Thor continued to explain. “While we are typically free in our… PDA, I believe Darcy calls it, Loki and Sigyn were rarely to be seen being physically affectionate in public.”

Natasha frowned, the elevator opening up. “That seems counter to what Sarah told us of her dreams.”

“I do not doubt the validity of the dreams.” Thor let her walk out first. “I quickly learned to announce one’s impending presence quite loudly when visiting them in their suites.”

“Got an eyeful huh?” Natasha couldn’t help but laugh. Something about the image of Thor backpedaling and covering his eyes like in some rom-com delighted her. 

“There are things that cannot be unseen.” Thor shook his head and they walked down the hall. “But as I said, they were never physically affectionate in public, but when they played hnafatafl...”

“I get the gist.” Natasha had engaged in a few sparing sessions that could probably be filed under the same cause/effect. “We’ll keep a close eye on what goes on in there. Loki _is_ going to try something. Whatever it ends up being, we’ll be ready for it.”

“I don’t like putting Sarah into this position.” Thor grimaced as they reached the viewing room. “She knows not what Loki can be like.”

“But you’re not gonna stop it because?” She figured she knew the answer, but he had come to her. 

“I want to protect this realm,” he told her, but was probably just telling himself, “and I want my brother back. Sarah may be my only chance at both.”

Natasha could understand that, but, “You realize if this goes south, it’s on your head.”

“I will bear that weight.” Thor nodded gravely. 

“Even if it gets Sarah killed?” she asked.

Thor considered this for a very long moment. “I don’t think she’ll lose her life.”

Natasha knew better than most that, “There are worse things than death.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

…

When Sarah entered the viewing room, it felt like the entire Avengers team was there. They all stopped talking and just stared at her and Jennifer. What she was about to do was already awkward enough, this wasn’t helping. But she took a breath and squared herself. If Loki was truly going to give them answers, then this was important.

No pressure, of course.

“You ready, Ms Brisne?” Agent Hill stepped forward.

“Probably not,” she admitted dryly. It was early in the morning and she hadn’t been getting much sleep. In the few days since she met Loki, her dreams had gotten worse, if that was possible. Still more pieces fell into place. Details became clearer. As the memories became longer, she gained more context.

But while she learned more about Loki and Sigyn’s relationship, she did not gain new dreams. She figured if she was going to, she would have after meeting him. Hopefully this meant she wouldn’t become overrun with Sigyn’s memories. It was comfort to know she only had to work on containing what she already had.

“I will not be joining you,” Thor told her. “I do not wish to distract Loki from the task, or wreck his amenable nature.”

“I understand.” Sarah tried to smile her assurances. She saw how the brothers fought before. No one wanted a repeat performance of that.

“Any one of us can accompany you,” Hill told her, “if you want us to.”

Sarah considered this for a second. “Is there a single one of you that Loki doesn’t have beef with?”

The Avengers looked between each other and she got a generally negative vibe as her answer. 

“I could go,” Jennifer said. “We’ve not met.”

“Which is why you shouldn’t,” Natasha spoke up. “New face, new prey.”

Sarah didn’t like the sound of that because it essentially made her the current prey. But what else could she do? Loki definitely had the advantage despite being the one in the cage. “I’ll be fine by myself.”

“We’ll be watching.” Hill gestured to the security cams. “We can come in at a moment’s notice. And remember, you can pass through the force field but he can’t.”

“Thanks,” she replied awkwardly. She wasn’t nearly this nervous the first time she walked in there. This was boarding on near stage fright.

“Here is the hnefatafl.” Thor approached with a wooden box that looked about the same size as a chess board. It was three inches deep and Sarah guessed there were compartments holding the pieces. “There is nothing in it that he can use as a weapon, you may leave it with him when you’re done.”

“Noted,” she said as she took the box which was heavier than it looked.

Thor put a hand on her shoulder. “May the Norns go with you.”

All Sarah could think was, _That’s what I’m afraid of._

…

Loki had to admit, he was nervous. Not that he would show any of it outwardly, of course not. He woke up that morning, went through his normal routine. Now he was sitting in his chair, flipping through some of the reading materials he was allowed.

One might think he had forgotten that today Sarah would be there.

But no, over the past few days, Loki had thought of nothing but of the visit. This woman could be the key to getting him out of his cell. She might also be the vessel for which he could be reunited with his beloved. The prospect of both of these events occurring had him near giddy. 

He turned the page of his book, his expression that of absolute boredom. 

The outer door of the cell opened and he lightly glanced up to see Sarah walk inside. She was similarly dressed as before, clutching a wooden box to her chest. It was perfectly natural for her to be nervous, so he’d have to put her at ease.

Loki reminded himself he had to be patience, to run the long con. When he got impatient, that’s usually when mistakes were made. If he got emotional, well, that’s was what got him into this whole mess.

“Good morning,” Loki said as he stood leisurely from his seat. He could have called her by name, but that was rather personal. No, keep it cordial, then let her invite him to use her given name. 

“Uh, hi,” she replied awkwardly and approached the barrier.

He watched as she walked through the force field, his eyes covertly scanning for any details or clues on how to get past it. Loki was pretty sure he knew what the spell was, if Thor had truly brought it down from Asgard. If it was as he feared, then there would be no defeating it, from the inside at least.

Sarah sat the game on the small table that Loki at been allowed. There was a light tremble in her hands, she was probably terrified of him. That would do no good. 

“I’ll set up the board,” he meant to be polite and reassure her, but his sudden movement only made her slightly finch. “Have a seat.”

“Kay.” Yes, Sarah was terrified alright. But she drew her shoulders and let out a long breath. It looked like she was either going to overcome her fears, or learn how to function with them. Either situations he could work with.

As she positioned her chair, Loki ran his fingers down the edges of the box. He knew it was too much to hope for a more modern hnefatafl set, which were more magic than substance. It would have been a boon to get one, which Thor would have realized as much. The last thing he’d want to do is give Loki more magic to work with.

Sarah got comfortable and Loki set up the old fashion game board. He took his time, trying not to make any more sudden moves while also not making it obvious what he was doing. No doubt the Avengers were watching him like a raven, analyzing his every movement for deception. 

Oh, there would be plenty of that to come. 

“First,” he spoke tartly, “you must learn the pieces.”

The woman nodded, sitting up in her chair, eyes firmly on the board. She didn’t want to look at him straight on. This didn’t surprise him terribly much. 

Loki sat down in the chair opposite of her. They were both tall, though she was a bit shorter than him. He would often joke to Sigyn about her being the right height for him. To hold, to kiss, to do… other things with. 

“Let’s start with the main piece,” Loki began, taking his mind off things that were moot at this time. If he wanted his freedom, and hopefully Sigyn back, then he needed to get Sarah to drop her guard. Realistically this wouldn’t happen in a single day. Or even several.

Sarah said little to him as he went over the individual pieces. She only spoke up when he discussed the gameplay, asking for clarifications and pronunciations. All the questions were reasonable and constructive. The woman was intelligent enough, which was good. This would be a lot harder if he had to lament Sigyn’s soul being dumped into a brainless wench.

“How about we start a game,” Loki said as he made sure all the pieces were in their proper place. He had moved them around during his instruction. “I’ll go first.”

Loki purposefully chose a benign strategy rather than an aggressive one. He wasn’t going to just let her win, no, of course not. It would be rather obvious if he had, not to mention his ego simply wouldn’t allow it. But he didn’t want to antagonize her by obliterating her in three moves.

The game progressed a bit too slow for his tastes. Loki reminded himself he was playing against someone who had no knowledge of the game up until that point. There was no reason to be frustrated at things that he simply could not control. At least where hnefatafl was concerned. 

Sarah was a novice player and it showed. She made a few rookie mistakes but looked like she was learning from them. That was always a good sign. It showed her having interest in the game, in engaging with it. 

“I win,” Loki spoke simply as he removed her piece from the board. She frowned but didn’t look angry. “Do you have any questions about the game?”

“No,” she said after she had a moment to think about it. “You covered everything pretty well. You’re…” she frowned, “you’re not a bad teacher actually.”

Loki allowed himself a little smile but said nothing. He was making progress already, no reason to ruin it. Instead, a reward was more like it. “Well, we have finished a game, such as it was. Ask me one of your questions.”

“Right.” Sarah nodded then her eyes unfocused for a second as she was remembering whatever list of questions SHIELD had given her. She seemed to stop in mid thought and looked straight at him. “Do you regret it? The attack?”

That was not what he was expecting. Quickly he had to decide where to go with this. “Somehow I doubt SHIELD cares.”

“SHIELD isn’t asking,” she replied and he had expected as much. “I am. And if they have a problem with it, then they can go talk to the Norns. See what they have to say about it.”

This time he kept himself from smiling at her, despite how much he wanted to. Already this Sarah was going against authority for a selfish yet noble reason. It wasn’t enough that he was going to give her answers, she wanted to know who she was dealing with. Was he really the devil that everyone made him out to be? Had she just made a deal with a true monster?

It was a very Sigyn thing to do, though perhaps his beloved would not have been as blunt

“Well?” she asked him with a touch of impatience.

“Regret is a very difficult term,” he told her plainly. “I can just as easily say I regret that I failed to conquer your world.”

“Yeah, you could,” she replied without a touch of emotion this time. 

“I do have regrets, Ms. Brisne,” he offered her a small concession. “Take that however you wish.”

Sarah nodded slowly, then gestured to the board. “Shall we try this again?

“Yes, lets.”

…

“Who is Thanos?” Sarah asked after they finished the game.

“He’s the… creature, who ordered the attack,” Loki explained as he started to reset the board. “The one whose orders I was following, who held the loyalty of the Chitarui.”

“Yeah,” she frowned at him, “we, kinda figured that out.”

Loki smiled at her, but more Cheshire than pleasant. “And now you have confirmation.”

“That’s not what I was asking.” Sarah crossed her arms. 

“Then you should be more specific.” He gave a bit of a pout that barely hid his widening grin.

“Gonna be like that, huh?” She asked as she tapped her fingers against her arm. 

Loki nodded thoughtfully at her. “Afraid so.”

“What about your promise?” 

“I said that I would not lie,” he replied simply. “And that was not a half-truth either.”

“Fine.” Sarah shook her head and sat up straighter. “What relevant specifics do you know about Thanos?”

“Ah, that is compete other question.” Loki sat the last piece in its place. “Shall we play again?”

Glancing between Loki and the game board, she grabbed a piece and moved it. He had started the last two games. She doubted that was directly responsible for him winning, but doing this made her feel better. Loki’s only reaction was to consider the board before making his move. 

Sarah wasn’t sure where to go from there, but she gave it her best shot. The game was very much like chess, if chess had a baby with a Rubik Cube. In a way, she was thankful for the complexity of the game. Trying to figure out her next move kept her from really thinking about what was happening. That the man sitting across from her was both a dream and a nightmare. 

During his turn, he would take a moment, but she figured that was for show. Sarah had no doubt he had already figured out four moves ahead, predicting her own. It annoyed her, but it couldn’t be helped. This was literally her third game when he had played thousands. Many of those had been against Sigyn. One of which became such a pivotal moment in her life that Sarah retained the memory.

_Sigyn moved her piece and grinned. If Loki had to actually think about his next move, she knew she had him. There was no hiding the frustration in his eyes, the way they both widened and narrowed at the corners. His breathing became controlled. He was trapped and he knew it._

_“Do you yield?” Sigyn asked with a firm, even tone._

_Loki’s jaw tightened, his hand went to move a piece, but then stalled. He had moves he could make, but he already knew how she’d counter them. Two more rounds and he would be done, no place to go._

_“I yield,” he replied begrudgingly, a little soured. It wasn’t often that she could beat him, and he never really appreciated it when she did. He was a sore loser actually, but he managed to push that aside with her, and her alone. “What is it that we wagered? A kiss?”_

_“We did,” Sarah now suppressed her grin, meeting his gaze._

_A hundred years previously, Sigyn had been given a great opportunity to study the Yggdrasil, to continue her learning. Unfortunately it would take her away from Asgard for those hundred years. But as much as she loved Loki, she could not give up her studies for him._

_“Well then.” Loki’s expression was completely unreadable as he stood from his seat, straightening his jacket._

_Loki made no secret of his dislike of her leaving. He even told her not to expect him to wait for her. Sigyn would not cower to his threats, nor would she allow him to control her. They had grown close during the incident in the cave, perhaps too close. A separation would do them good, but it could mean they would never again be lovers. It was a risk Sigyn knew she had to take._

_When Sigyn returned from her studies, she had no idea how Loki would respond to her, but she was willing to accept her fate. All she received from him was near indifference._

_Loki slowly moved towards her, perhaps expecting her to stand. Sigyn had no intention of doing so. Instead, she needed to know for sure what Loki felt. So she lifted her leg and planted her foot against his stomach, halting his approach._

_For several days upon her return, Loki had said little more to her than greetings, standard salutations. She had just about resigned herself when he commented on a lack of reputable hnefatafl playing partners in all the realm. There was no fun to be hand when there wasn’t even a small chance of the other player winning._

_Sigyn thought this might be Loki’s way to at least get their friendship back. But then Loki suggested she come to his rooms so that they could play on his custom hnefatafl board._

_Unsure how to interpet this move, Sigyn joined him in his suite. Then as they started the game, he steered the conversation towards a wager. If he won, then he could get a kiss from her. Not that she would have denied him had he just asked. But it was the principle of the thing. Loki felt wronged by her leaving, he wasn’t going to let her back into his life without some kind of fight or trickery._

_So she responded that if she won, she would get a kiss from him._

_Loki played a good game. He could have even won if not for one small error. It was hard to tell if it was planned or not. It wasn’t glaring. He’d made the mistake before in the past, but on a very rare occasion. But regardless if it was by design, he did lose._

_With her foot planted on his hard stomach, Loki frowned at her._

_“I never specified on the lips.” Sigyn’s grin twisted into something scandalous. Something only ever seen by the prince as she dare not show it in public. “Now,_ kneel _.”_

_His hand came up and grasped her ankle firmly, slipping off her shoe and tossing it away. Loki slowly sunk to his knees as he bent her leg. His fingers slipped up the edge of her calf, under her dress…_

“Your turn,” Loki said rather impatiently as Sarah was staring at the board.

Sarah closed her eyes as if she was thinking, but she was really trying to scrub her mind. That moment had always been a popular dream, but she had never had the context of the game before. It had always started after the game was won, when he approached her. This was another case of Sigyn’s memories filling themselves out ever since she learned the truth.

Clearing her throat and opening her eyes she moved a piece. It probably wasn’t a very good move, but this was only her third game. He didn’t seem to take notice and continued on. It took an hour before she had lost again.

“Alright,” Sigyn thought about how to word this, “what specifics do you know about Thanos, and can you elaborate on them, without using cheap cop-outs like ‘I know what species he is and yes I could tell you’.”

“You think I’d do that?” Loki was trying not to grin, or at least give off that impression.

“Yes,” she replied bluntly.

“Fair enough,” he shrugged and leaned back in his seat. “Take note whoever is listening, because I won’t be repeating myself and clarifying questions will cost you a game.”

…

“Well,” Stark was the first to speak when Sarah reentered the viewing room, “that went well.”

“Certainly seems to have worked out.” Rogers was eyeing her warily. “Are you sure you can keep doing this? You seemed a bit out of sorts at times.”

Maybe that was because she was trying not to bring up Sigyn’s memories of Loki? And not just the sexual ones. But the ones where he showed the truth behind his façade. The real reasons Sigyn fell in love with him. 

If she just focused on the game, then her mind wouldn’t wander. Eventually this would all get easier and she’d be able to control her own thoughts. She kept telling herself that. But at what point would Sarah admit that she might not get through this with her sanity intact? Or her own personality for that matter?

“Not gonna lie,” Sarah let her shoulders slump, “but that was pretty exhausting.”

“I bet,” there was a bit of a smirk in Stark’s words. “Want a drink?”

“It’s near two pm,” Natasha reminded him. 

“I’m good.” Sarah waved him off. “I could use some lunch though.”

“Come on,” Jennifer said as she put her arm around Sarah, “eat first, then debrief.”

After a nice salad, Sarah found herself sitting in a small room eerily reminiscent of the interrogation room from before. Hill and another agent they brought in, Morse, basically recapped everything. They gave her a list of new questions to ask the following day.

“Do you think you could spend some more time in there?” Hill asked.

“How much more time?” Sarah frowned.

“Instead of stopping at lunch,” Hill didn’t even try to sweet talk her, “just have a break, then go back till five or six, like a regular work day.”

Sarah continued to frown. “Then I lose my evening to the debrief. When am I supposed to do my work?”

“Stark has talked to your boss at Raynor,” Hill continued on. “As far as they’re concerned, Stark has hired you out as a consultant. You’ll be more than adequately paid for your time and you won’t have to actually do anything for Raynor.”

Of course SHIELD would cover all the angles. 

“Sarah,” Morse spoke up, “I’ve gone over the footage from today and you do have a good rapport with Loki. We don’t know how long this might last so we need to push the advantage while we have it.”

“You realize that when we look at each other,” Sarah frowned and tightened her jaw slightly, “we’re seeing two different people, right?”

“Let’s try not to remind him of that fact just yet.” Morse gave a slight curl of her lip. “Loki knows he’s making himself vulnerable, he’s risking it. Most likely because he thinks he can use you to help him escape. We need to press our advantage until he deems the risk outweighs the reward.”

“He didn’t seem that open to me.” Sarah shrugged and slumped in her seat. It was honestly about on par with having a blind date she couldn’t sneak away from.

“We’ve been watching him for six months,” Morse pointed out. “With you, he’s… he’s patient, he’s more courteous if you can believe it, and he’s attentive.”

“I know it doesn’t seem like much,” Hill added, “but compared to everyone else who’s been in there, you’re definitely his favorite person right now.” 

Sign’s face scrunched up. That was not what she wanted to hear.

…

_Loki had Sigyn buried among the ocean of soft silks as he towered over her. Sweat was sliding down his body, curling through the creases of the single arm that held him up. His other hand cradled her chin strongly, ensuring that she met his gaze._

_“You promised...” the words were ripped from his throat. “You promised me you would never leave me.”_

_“I didn’t leave you, Loki.” Sigyn reached up and touched his cheek. “I merely went away for a time. I was always going to come back to you.”_

_“Regardless, you left me,” he replied coldly. The memory of her telling him about how she would be gone for several year still gnawed at his heart. “Don’t ever do it again.”_

_“I promise, my love.” Sigyn wrapped her hand around his neck to pull him down to her. She whispered the words as their lips brushed. “I promise, I’ll never leave you again.”_

Loki woke up in the middle of the night. His cell would be pitch black if not for the soft golden glow of the force field. 

He knew he was being watched every at every moment, but he was unsure of the extent. He would not put it past his jailers to be constantly monitoring his vital signs. If this was true, then they would know he was awake. But in case they weren’t, he didn’t move or open his eyes. Instead he worked on controlling his body, slowing his breathing down so that perhaps he would fall asleep again.

There was a time he would have embraced dreams that were not reminders of the torture he endured at Thanos’ hands. He might even have begged a reprieve from the memories of his family-kidnappers-and the truth of his heritage. 

But dreaming of Sigyn… that was much, much worse.

Ignoring the fact that he could do nothing to enjoy any memories of his beloved, the dreams were a reminder of what he had lost. Sigyn loved him no matter what… what he was. 

Loki could admit to himself, and only himself, that he had made some rash decisions when he discovered the truth. Sigyn would have been his counsel, reminding him that the best lies are always truths. She would have been his queen and ruled Asgard by his side. 

But instead she left him. She broke her promise and let herself be absorbed into the World Tree. _She left him…_

Or did she merely go away for a little while… as she had before?

Perhaps she hadn’t broken her promise after all. 

Tomorrow he would see just how far below the surface of Sarah he’d have to scratch to find Sigyn. If today had shown him anything, he didn’t have far to go. Then once he had his beloved returned to him, he could focus on getting his revenge.

With Sigyn by his side, Asgard would fall, either under his rule, or in flames. Either way… he wins.


	9. The Scepter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the hella long wait. I have no excuse other than I am a horrible human being whose muse left her for better things. I actually have the story laid out, it's not a matter of figuring out what happens, just writing the events. I just, I couldn't get myself into the mood to write any fan fiction, let alone this one. But I have, of late, been revisited by my muse and been able to write a few chapters. So I'm going to update today, next week, etc, and hope my muse sticks around long enough to get to the ending...
> 
> Also: Trigger warning - talking about Loki's possible suicide attempt at the BiFrost and his depression.

Chapter 9 – The Scepter

“Huh,” Loki said when Sarah scratched at the center of her brow with her right-hand ring finger. He’d been watching the woman more intently, looking for any tell-tale mannerisms of Sigyn. Loki was somewhat disappointed in his lack of finding many. Even the scratching was not conclusive as it was hardly a unique gesture.

What was more telling was Sarah’s reaction to Loki’s lightly uttered word. 

Sarah heard him and paused just slightly as she went to move her piece. She said nothing but scratched behind her ear. It was part of a little nervous tick Sigyn had, though she did her best to control it during social situations. In private, she was not as composed. Loki had paid special care not to mention it to Sigyn so as not to lose his advantage. 

The woman did her best to ignore him, but he could tell she was interested. She scratched her ear again and keep her eyes focused on the game. Sigyn would have taken the opportunity to press her advantage, on him and on the board. But Sarah had no practice at the game or knowledge of intimate facts. It was wise of her to simply be quiet and allow him to press her. It would put him at the disadvantage.

Now, was that her intention or coincidence?

“And that ends the game.” Loki had been trying not to use the phrase ‘I win’ any more as he was still trying to get into her good graces. 

Sarah frowned at hm. She lasted longer this time, but mostly because he made a large error earlier in the game. Loki did it to see if she would be able to exploit it. She didn’t, but she did benefit from it.

“Alright,” she let out a long breath, “tell me about the staff, scepter, thingy.”

“That’s not phrased as a question.” He kept the edge of his mouth from popping up.

“This isn’t _Jeopardy_.”

Loki understood the context of the statement, but didn’t know what ‘jeopardy’ was referring too. It didn’t matter, he was too busy watching her face. For a moment she must have forgotten how terrified she had been of him. Sarah’s eyes did a slight angry-tilt he was very familiar with. 

Then she remembered who she was talking too. She glanced down at his hands and stilled her chest as she covered a sudden rush of adrenaline. Loki took comfort in the fact that she didn’t back down or apologize, simply readied herself to flee if needs be. It was not lost on him that she purposely sat with her back to the force field.

“Very well,” he cleared his throat and attempted an honest smile. He needed her to trust him, but first he had to ease her fears. For that he needed patience, which normally was his strong suit. “The staff was given to me as both a means of transportation to Midgard and a tool to be used in my conquest.”

“And?” Sarah prompted him after he went quiet.

“I answered the question,” he replied, suddenly regretting the choice not to be forthcoming. He hadn’t even considered it an option. He did too many things by habit these days. “The staff was bequeathed to me by Thanos. I know not where it came from before that.”

“How does it do the things it does?”

He smiled at her. “Magic.”

“Can you elaborate?” she replied dryly.

“After another game.” He started to reset the pieces, his hands so used to the movements that he didn’t have to look at the board, but instead watch Sarah. 

She was enjoying this. She hated it, but she enjoyed it. She was the kind of woman who loved the banter and games, just like his Sigyn. Only Sarah saw him as nothing but a monster, an alien who had tried to take over her world. 

Loki had no doubt that if he let her see the true him, not the part he played for Thanos, or for Thor, and not his Jotun form, but the Loki only Sigyn was privileged to know. A man without his titles, his responsibilities, his need to be the perfect son… then he might win her over quickly. But there was no way to reveal himself to her without being put on display for his brother and his friends.

No, Loki would just have to work harder to be smarter and cleverer than everyone else. Besides, he hadn’t been that man for a long time, not since Sigyn left him. He wasn’t completely sure that Loki still existed.

_Loki laid on a soft bed in the healing ward, he was so tired, too tired, but yet could not sleep. Finally everyone left him alone, his mother, his father, his brother and his friends. They had all hovered around, telling him how glad they were that he survived._

_Of course they were glad, it would be unseemly if they had wished he died._

_A withering amount of self-loathing came over Loki. He was a failure, and it almost cost him his life. All his father ever saw in him was less… less than perfect, less than Thor. This stunt of his only made this all the more evident._

_“Loki,” the soft voice of Sigyn called out from beyond the veil that offered him privacy. “Are you awake?”_

_It would be simple enough not to reply and she would go away. He had barely known Sigyn when he asked her to help him with his spell. She was bright, learned, and knew far more about the Yggdrasil than he could ever hope to gleen from the texts. But when they became trapped, him being tortured as she tried to keep him alive, they grew to known each other intimately, their souls at least._

_“Come,” he called out to her._

_She hesitated, but then pulled the curtain aside and stepped into his little area of the ward. Without speaking, she walked up to his bed and slowly sat down on the edge next to him. Her hands were bandaged from where the acid would drip and spill, though Sigyn stayed strong._

_“Those should heal up nicely,” he said, suddenly afraid of the silence._

_“They will.” She stared down at them. “They will scar. I am thinking of keeping them. To remember.”_

_“Remember the pain?” he practically scoffed._

_“To remember the triumph,” she replied sternly. “We defeated our enemy and we lived. We get one more day in the sunlight, and then another. We made that happen.”_

_Loki wanted to be as optimist as her, but, “Where there is light, there are shadows.”_

_Sigyn let out a long sigh, mercilessly deciding not to debate with him. She sat quietly for a moment. He’d ask her to leave him alone but he wanted her to stay._

_The sheets rustled as she moved to stand and he had to stop himself from grabbing her arm. He didn’t want to look weak and foolish, he had to be strong and clever… better. He was Loki, Prince of Asgard, and he had to shine, no, outshine. He… was barely able to grab the cuff of her sleeve._

_“Stay,” his voice was cracked. “I can’t sleep.”_

_“That will pass,” she assured him as she came back to bed. “But not tonight.”_

_With their frames so lithe and light, she easily crawled onto the bed with him. Like in the cave before, she laid her head on his chest. The weight was soothing and familiar… he hated it. That he would need another to keep the fear away as if he was still a child. But Sigyn would not judge him for it, and would call him strong for admitting when he was weak._

_Tomorrow he would be Prince Loki... but tonight, he was Loki, in need of his friend._

_“Thank you,” he whispered the rare words before sleep finally overtook him._

“You win.” Sarah was clearly annoyed.

Loki had skimmed through the match on muscle memory alone, nearly obliterating her. It was not his best tactical move, he did not want to make her angry at him. Quite the opposite.

“About that magic.” Loki smiled and acted like he had purposely sped through the game so he could answer her question. “The scepter contains what we call an Infinity Stone. It is… well, you’d try to call it science, but I think even your Dr. Foster might have to concede that it is truly magic.”

“Infinity Stone?” Sarah creased her brow. “So it’s some kind of magic, super-science-y, matrix that allows you to control people’s minds through, what, an energy based psychic connection?”

Loki honestly hadn’t expected her reaction. 

“Wait,” she stopped herself. “No one was actually mind controlled in a more traditional sense of the word. They weren’t zombified, they made their own decisions, but they were made suppliant… given false loyalty to a greater plan.”

“I’m impressed,” he replied easily. “I admit to not having a complete working knowledge of how the stone came to be and functions. It is fascinating though.”

Sarah was staring at him with a rather peculiar look on her face. “Was it used on you?”

The question hit Loki harder than he ever would have thought it could. Torture at the hands of The Other, all the pain, and the sickening relief the Mind Stone gave him. He fought, he scraped and thrashed, to keep himself from fully succumbing to its spell. It was enough to plan his escape, though at the cost of the city that now held him.

No, was the answer he wanted to give. His pride did not want to admit to being a puppet, even if it was partial. He was Loki, Prince of Asgard, strong and clever. But looking into the eyes that reminded him so clearly of his beloved, Loki could not lie. 

So he said nothing.

“You’re right, that’s another question.” Sarah broke the tension, sitting up in her seat and checking the time on the wall clock. “It’s also lunch. I’m going to go get some food, you eat, and we’ll start up again in like an hour.”

“Excellent suggestion.” Loki smiled, playing it off, it was what he did when he knew others were watching.

For he is Loki, Prince of Asgard, strong and clever… outshining them all…

…

Sarah made it to the briefing room, found a chair, sat down, and put her head between her legs.

“What was that?” Hill asked Sarah none to nicely.

“I stepped into a mine field,” Sarah told her as she got her breathing under control and calmed herself. “I had to back out, I was not ready to deal with whatever I was about to walk into.”

"Walk into?"

"I saw something, in his eyes," Sarah admitted as she sat back up. "Something I recognized from a dream, ah, memory."

Hill crossed her arms. "And that is?"

"Pain," the word slipped from her lips. "Fear, pain... and lingering self-hatred."

"That's... awfully specific."

"Shit went down when they got stuck in that cave," Sarah said more forcefully than she would have liked to. "And what I just saw in his eyes, verses my memory of the cave, yeah, whatever happened with this Infinity Stone... it was worse."

The agent went real quiet for a moment, then nodded. "Alright. Why don't you get some food, take a break."

"I would really like that, thanks." Sarah stood, taking a deep breath. 

She knew Hill was angry at her for not pressing when she finally found a weak spot, but Sarah wasn't trained for this, she was a civilian. She was also there out of courtesy, no one could stop her from leaving. She'd done more than enough, gotten them loads of information that they would be pouring over for days.

But as much as Sarah wanted to walk away, a part of her wanted to stay, and that frightened her into making no decisions at all...

…

It was actually a bit early for lunch, so Sigyn took her time getting food from the on-site commissary. It was strange, knowing she was being watched and shadowed by Stark's personal security. He may have allowed SHIELD agents in the building, but he made it clear it was at his discretion.

Sarah sipped on her tea, unable to focus on anything but the lingering images of their time in the cave, now made clear. 

_Sigyn screamed, acid from the serpent dripping onto her back and burning through her thin dress as the beast took position over to Loki to continue his torment. The monster enjoyed making sure to dab acid at Sigyn, to remind her that she was only there at the serpent’s discretion._

_Steeling herself against the pain, Sigyn held the bowl over Loki’s face, to at least protect his mind and limit the overall damage so that Loki may be able to regain his magic and break himself free. Hours passed and her arms were tired, her body weak, but it would not be long before the serpent grew bored and left again._

_"I need to empty the bowl," she warned him._

_Loki nodded, taking in a few deep breaths. Sarah pulled the bowl away so she could empty it out onto the ground far enough way so that it would not pool and run back to them. Loki's screams as acid touched flesh was a sound she never forgot._

_"I'm here," she said as she replaced the bowl as quickly as she could, "I'm here."_

_"Please, don't leave me," he mumbled through the pain._

_"I would never leave you, I promise."_

Loki was tortured, but he had someone there to help him, to hold him when he was weak. Was he tortured at the hands of Thanos? It would be the only way to explain how he shared the same dark expression in his eyes, yet now completely void of hope. No one had been there to help him get through it this time, and he had no one to return home to, or so he thought.

It did not excuse his actions... but they most certainly made more sense.

Finishing her food, a series of questions formed themselves as she walked back to the elevator that would take her down to the cell. Her shadow guard jumped in with her with only quiet acknowledgement. 

The cell however, was not quiet.

Sarah could hear the screaming and shouting from the moment she stepped off the elevator. As she walked down the hall to the viewing and control room, it was quite clear Thor was visiting and the two had started at it again. 

"What is going on?" Sarah asked as she entered the room to see most of the Avengers there. Hill, Romanoff, and Rogers were talking adamantly while Stark was on the phone. Through the feed she could see Thor standing outside Loki's cage, the two yelling like the siblings they were.

"Slight misjudgement on my part," Hill admitted through gritted teeth. "Won't happen again."

It only took a moment for the realization to kick in. "You told Thor about the Infinity Stone in the scepter."

Rogers added, "Apparently there are a few of these Stones floating around out there."

"I was hoping to get more information on them for when we sent you back in," Hill said, shaking her head. "But the moment Thor realized which Stone it was and that it might have been used on Loki..."

"Thor has always defended Loki, to a point," Rogers said. "He swears that Loki was acting out of character for him."

"He also said that Loki had basically gone mad and tried to kill himself," Romanoff didn't mince any words.

"Wait, what?" This was the first Sarah had heard about this part. "When did that happen?"

The three of them looked at her, then gauged each other as to how to play things. Eventually, Romanoff decided to be the one to break it to her. "Thor said after Loki found out he was not only adopted, but a whole other species who are hated by the Asgardians, he went a little crazy, committed patricide, and then tried to kill both Thor and his birth planet, with the BiFrost."

Sarah was trying to process all this new information. "Was this before the invasion?"

"This was the New Mexico stuff," Romanoff clarified and continued. "As Thor tells it, there was a fight, Loki ended up falling over the edge of the BiFrost which apparently sits out over space, not sure how that works to be honest. Anyway, Loki could have crawled back up, but he just let go, fell into the abyss."

"Next time anyone sees him," Hill added, "he's busting into a SHIELD facility, killing people, mind controlling others, and generally trying to take over the planet."

Rogers jumped in. "So either Loki finally embraced his true nature and Thor can't accept it, or Thor is right and Loki had a mental break which should be treated as an illness, exacerbated by whatever this Infinity Stone did to him."

"Cool motive. Still murder," Stark called out then went back to whatever he was doing on the phone.

"Sarah," Romanoff got her attention as she had started to stare at the ground, trying to understand the feelings she was having. "Based on what you remember from Sigyn, what's your take on this?"

"Ah," she stumbled, "I'm not sure I can make any judgements right now. Many of the memories I have support Thor, but most of them are hundreds of years old. People do change."

The shouting reached a crescendo and everyone looked to the cell to see if someone had possibly been murdered. Thor had yet to cross the threshold but the two of them were bickering like siblings are want to do, complete with sarcastic gestures and ridiculous hyperbole. 

"So," Stark walked up to them. "Who wants to go grab Point Break before he breaks his diva brother?"

Rogers let out a sigh. "I'll do it."

Sarah's feet were already taking her towards the door to the cell. She had dealt with men like them before, though usually men arguing over an impact statement and never at the risk of her own life. But she had an advantage here she never had with those men.

The brothers barely noticed her as she walked right up to where Thor was mere inches from the shield, Loki nearly pressed upon it.

"My friends," Loki spat out. "They were your friends, everyone wanted to be your friend, ol' golden son."

"That's not true and you know it," Thor shot back.

"You never wanted me around!" Loki was boiling in anger. "I was a burden to you. Little baby brother who was only ever allowed to hang on your curtails."

"I'm sorry you felt that way," Thor said darkly. "But you can't hide behind the unfortunate parts of our childhood--"

"Unfortunate?!" Loki laughed menacingly. "There you go, Thor, hitting it on the head like a big dumb hammer. The unfortunate brother of the fortunate son."

"SHUT UP!" Sarah screamed when she couldn't take it anymore. "Shut up the both of you!"

The room went deathly quiet except for the hum of the force field and light rustling of leather. Loki and Thor both looking at her with strange expressions, a mix of shock, annoyance, and familiarity.

"Loki," she addressed him directly. "Was the mind controlling scepter used on you, yes or no."

His jaw tightened and it was the first time she had seen any anger from him directed at her. But it broke, his face attempting to hold onto a mask of apathy as he said, "Yes."

Thor started to speak and Sarah turned her death glare to him, throwing up her hand, one finger shushing him. The man reluctantly shut his mouth.

She looked back at Loki. "Was this before or after you were tortured? One word answer."

Again, the long pause, but Sarah could be extremely patient when it suited her. "After."

"When you attacked New York," she worded her question carefully, "did you have enough control over your own mind to make decisions of your own free will that you knew would cost lives? Yes or no."

Loki dropped his head, a sad kind of sound coming from his mouth, like the laugh of a dead man. Then he cleared his shoulders and looked straight at her. "Yes."

…

And with that word, Loki knew he had lost all hope in winning Sarah to his side… of getting his Sigyn back. He was the was the villain, the monster, that everyone believed him to be. He would not pretend to be otherwise.

When he was tortured by Thanos, he needed some way to escape and make sure Thanos and The Other would not come after him. The only way to do that was to both break Thanos’ resources and fail so badly he would be put beyond Thanos’ reach. A failed invasion of his brother-not-brother’s favorite planet was the best he could do with what he had. 

He tried to minimize the damage, but ultimately he knew Midgardians would die before he had done enough damage to get the attention of Odin who would no doubt send Thor to bring him back. It was a decision he made, full well knowing the implications. To him, those deaths were simply a means to an end. 

“Did you do it to get away from the pain?” Sarah asked.

The question hit him in the raw spot that had yet to heal. Not from the torture at the hands of the mad titan, nor of the serpent, but of seeing his beloved fade away right before his eyes.

“Yes,” he barely said the word. 

Not only was he a monster… he was weak as well… for where there was light, there was shadows, and that is where he was destined to dwell.

Sarah walked up the short steps, passing through the barrier. He had trouble reading her. She was angry, sad, disappointed, satisfied. But she was not afraid.

“I’m going to this for Thor,” she told him, “because he can’t come in here and do it himself.”

Loki steeled himself for a slap across the face, maybe a punch in the gut. It wouldn’t hurt, but symbols have always been powerful.

Sarah stepped forward and before he could even register the action, she moved her arms under his, wrapping him in an all too familiar hug. Her hands were splayed across his back, pressing him tightly to her. There was so much comfort in the action he could not stop himself from holding her back. 

Her head rested on his shoulder, looking away, as he bowed his head. Thor stood watching, a sadness there but it was clear he approved of the action. He was his brother, adopted or otherwise, they were family. And for as much as he wanted to deny this truth, he wanted nothing more than to embrace it. 

But it was too late for him.

Taking her shoulders gently in his hands, he slowly pushed Sarah away. He couldn’t completely let go, not right away, not with her looking and behaving so much like his Sigyn. 

“Are you trying to be kind, or cruel?” Loki asked her.

“This is my way of holding the bowl for you,” she said and he couldn’t help but hold on to her just a little tighter. “But you still need to save yourself, no matter the scars it will leave.”

Loki saw his chance, his opening to pull Sarah firmly to his side so that she would help him escape. All it would take is words, admittance of a want, no, a desire to change. To return to the Loki that Sigyn would have known. Someone who still had hope that one day he might surpass the expectations placed upon him by those who only saw him as Loki, Second Prince of Asgard, brother of the Golden Son, never to be king.

“Leave,” he said as he let go. 

Sarah didn’t try to argue. With a sigh, she turned her back to him and walked away. 

Thor continued to say nothing, that dumb look on his face. She placed her hand on his arm, quietly said something, and reluctantly Thor left with her.

Knowing that he was still being watched, he moved to the hnafatafl board and started to play a game against himself. It was something he could do in his sleep, which was good, as his attention wasn’t on the little wooden pieces. 

He could not lie to Sarah, for monsters didn’t deserve to be saved.

…

Sarah was staring through the group, eyes fixed on a random light, as she replayed in her head what just happened.

Everyone was talking over each other. Thor now felt vindicated that Loki had been at the very least been acting with diminished capacity and therefore was not completely lost. He could be redeemed. 

“It didn’t look like he wanted redemption,” Hill pointed out. 

“It’s because he hates himself,” Sarah said bluntly, the Avengers all stopping and looking at her for an explanation. “Thor, you might love your brother, but you’ve been blind for, well, as long as Sigyn has known the both of you. I’m not a psychologist, but clearly Loki has been clinically depressed for most of his life.”

“Loki has always been the mischievous one,” Thor tried to rationalize his blindness. “His pranks are legendary.”

“So what?” she said bluntly to the man who could squash her like a grape. “You always saw what you wanted to see. I have no doubt you love him, but you ignored hundreds of years of signs that Loki was forever depressed that he no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he could never be your equal.”

Thor stared at her, just a light touch of shame mixed with fear in his expression. “How do you know this?”

“Because Sigyn knew!” Sarah practically screamed. “She loved Loki, and it hurt her so much that he could never love himself that it stuck with her even in death.”

_Sigyn laid her head on Loki’s chest, a small reprieve from when the serpent would return._

_“Just leave,” Loki whispered. “Leave, save yourself.”_

_“It will take too long to bring back help,” she replied quietly. “You’ll likely die.”_

_“Is that so bad?” There was no mirth or jest in his voice. “Rather die here, than face one more day as nothing but someone else’s shadow…”_

“Loki wanted to die in that cave,” Sarah told Thor, uncaring of the promise Sigyn had made to never speak of that moment. She wasn’t Sigyn, and even if she was, some promises have to be broken to keep bigger ones. “That is what they never spoke of. Loki didn’t feel worthy of living.”

“Why didn’t you tell us this before?” Rogers asked as Thor stood speechless in front of her.

“Because it didn’t click until you mentioned Loki and the BiFrost,” she admitted. “I had pieces of memories, blurry and locked up because they were too hard to re-experience. Suddenly everything fell into place and I put everything together.”

“You heard, Loki,” Hill said. “He admitted he chose to invade us. He got good people killed.”

“I’m not asking you to forgive him,” Sarah told everyone. “I’m just saying that the only way you’re going to get what you want out of him is to treat him like a damned human being… alien… whatever. That you can hate him all you want, but you’ll never hate him more than he hates himself.”


	10. The Cliff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going ahead and posting this as I'll probably not be able to post anything else for the next week. But don't worry, more is coming. 
> 
> Thanks for everyone's support after the long hiatus. Warms my heart! :)

Chapter 10 – The Cliff

“You sure you want to go back in there?” Hill asked Sarah as they stood in the viewing room the following morning.

“If I don’t, then it will only prove his point to himself,” Sarah told her. 

Hill silently judged her for a moment. “You’re not getting invested in this, are you?” 

It was a very good question, one that Sarah struggled with overnight. There was a lot of feelings rattling around inside that weren’t hers, but she could recognize this. A definite line had started to form between Sarah and Sigyn. Her past life was a book, something that she read, not something that she lived.

But if she tried to ignore it, then it would never close.

“I am invested,” Sarah admitted bluntly. “The way I see it, I will always be tied to Loki, to Thor, Asgard, all of this, even if I walk right out the door. So I might as well try and make a difference while I’m here. And that’s for me, not Loki.” Sarah let out a long breath. “I want to know that I tried, that I didn’t just turn my head and walk away. But if he keeps pushing back, then like I keep saying, I’m not Sigyn. I don’t have to put up with it as much as she did, and I will walk away.”

Hill was watching her critically, but betrayed no emotion on her usually stern face. “You think he can be redeemed?”

“Rehabilitated,” Sarah corrected her. “He has to pay for his crimes, but once he’s done with that, he needs to know there is hope.”

“False hope is a dangerous thing.”

“Have you seen Thor?” Sarah nearly laughed. “Loki has a future if Thor has any say in it, the two of them just need to stop sniping at each other so the healing can begin.”

“Some people don’t want to be saved.”

“Then it’s not my problem,” she replied, trying to make the words cold.

Hill easily saw through her. “So why are you even trying?”

“You can’t see a person standing on the edge of a cliff and not want to do _something_.”

…

When the door opened and Sarah walked through, Loki was almost unable to cover his surprise. But the little jump his heart did was unmistakable, and involuntary. He dared not get his hopes up, so he dashed them all down, where they belonged.

Loki figured she was there for another rebuke, but Sarah made her way up the steps and entered once again into his cage. She was a bit nervous, perhaps slightly less than usual. He stayed sitting in his chair where he had been reading. If she was returning to him after what happened the day before, then he was going to let her make all the moves and show her cards.

“Are you ready to play?” she asked lightly, and he wondered at how many layers of meaning were in those words.

“I’m always ready to play,” he replied with his usual charm, which always had a slightly suggestive undertone. He really had nothing to lose at this point, so he might as well have some fun.

“Yeah.” Sarah moved over to the table with the hnefatafl board. She started to line up the pieces. “I thought we might change things up a bit.”

“I have played strip hnefatafl many times,” Loki said as he stood, pulling his chair over to the table. “I’ll go very easy on you, make it fair.”

Sarah stopped, let out a breath, then glanced up at him. “I’ve seen it all before, and I suppose you’ve seen me, so let’s try something a bit more interesting.”

“Seen it all before?” he couldn’t help but ask as he sat down, which annoyed him because she obviously wanted him to be put on the defensive first, running to keep up.

“The mind is basically energy, right?” Sarah changed the subject which was another tactic he was keenly aware of. “Neurons flying back and forth, electrical impulses, that kind of thing.” She moved the first piece and Loki easily countered. “Now, I don’t know a lot about the brain, but I imagine the stronger the memory, the more powerful it is, the more energy it takes. Would you agree?”

Loki felt no need to be antagonist with her at this moment. Not until he knew her motives for returning and if perhaps he hadn’t completely ruined his chance to turn her. “That’s a very basic way of looking at it, but yes.”

Sarah moved a piece then scratched at her ear. “When Sigyn died, her energy went into the Soul Tree—”

“The Yggdrasil,” he corrected out of habit as he made his move.

“That thing.” Sarah brushed past the interruption. “Her mass became energy too, I’m guessing. Then the whole mess of her got boiled, cleaned, and re-served as me.” 

Loki did not like the way she spoke of Sigyn and her demise, though technically she was talking of herself…

“But you can’t scrub it all, you know?” Sarah continued, moving another game piece. “Some of that energy, the really strong stuff, it stuck around, in the corners and grooves.” Sarah let out a short, sad chuckle. “I have dreams, dreams that are memories that aren’t mine, they’re Sigyn’s.”

Loki paused, his hand reaching for his next move. He glanced up and met her eyes.

“I’m not Sigyn,” Sarah reiterated. “And I probably only have a half of a percent of her memories, but I have the important ones. Which means I know a lot more than you think I do.”

“Is that so,” Loki replied tightly, not quite sure yet what to do with this information. He played his turn to stall for time.

“I know she loved you,” there was too much sadness in her voice. “I know you were good to her, gentle even, mostly.” Sarah blushed then shook it off, Loki taking particular note of that reaction. “And she protected you, physically and emotionally. But I’m not gonna lie, I’m not sure your relationship was a hundred percent healthy.”

“I would never hurt Sigyn,” Loki nearly growled.

“I know.” Sarah didn’t flinch at his words, moving a game piece. “But you would hurt yourself.”

She looked up into his eyes and he stared darkly into hers. Loki was seething at the breach of his most private thoughts only privy to his beloved. That this woman had secrets she never earned and would now speak them for all to hear…

“You’re right,” he replied menacingly, “you are not Sigyn. Why should I afford you the same protection as her?”

Loki was angry, so very angry, his mind already doing the calculations of how long he’d have before guards came charging in to rescue the mortal from him. But then he stopped cold at the realization that he was seriously contemplating ending the life of the woman who sat before him. Destroying the only thing that had a chance of bringing back the only person he knew ever truly loved him.

Monsters don’t deserve saving.

“You really shouldn't,” she replied casually. “I am not Sigyn. I will never be Sigyn. And the sooner everyone can get on that same page, the better, if you ask me.” Sarah sighed and sat back in her chair. “But I can’t deny what I know. I have to accept the fact that you’re not the evil monster I thought you were the first time I walked in here.”

Emotions washed over Loki, most of which he didn’t really understand, but there was a definitive amount of hope… that he might yet escape and get his Sigyn back… and other things he dare not think for he did not deserve.

“Then what am I?” Loki needed to know how far this woman was willing to go.

Sarah considered him for a moment. “You’re the Dymphna mosaic.”

“The what?”

“When I was a kid,” she sat forward and started to explain, “the local catholic church had these huge glass windows, beautiful things. They showed all sorts of Bible characters, saints, etc. Then one day this storm comes through and just wipes the suckers out.”

Loki was quite interested in this change in Sarah, far less timid than before. It seemed she had become more comfortable around him, able to speak her mind. Whether this was from his own actions, or Sigyn’s memories, he could not be sure. But either way, it was progress.

“There was glass everywhere,” she continued. “All broken up into these little pieces. There was no way the glass could be used to fix the windows, so they were just going to sweep it all up and toss it into the recycle. But the priest, he was like, _no, I got this, gather the glass and give it to me_. A year later, he reveals this beautiful wall mosaic of Saint Dymphna that he made from the shattered pieces.”

“And who is Saint Dymphna?” Loki asked in the lull.

“Patron saint of mental illness.”

“Ah,” he said dryly.

“When everyone asked why he did it, his answer was _even though something is broken beyond repair, that doesn't mean its pieces can’t be fashioned into something new and just as wonderful_.”

Manipulating this Sarah was going to be easier than Loki first thought. “And you think you can fashion me into something new?”

“No,” she said simply. “That’s your job.”

Or perhaps not as easy as he thought…

…

A few days later, Sarah was sitting in the commissary, eating her lunch, when Romanoff sat down across from her. The woman’s plate had a nice assortment of meat and vegetables as Stark didn’t skimp on any part of his business.

“Been reviewing your sessions,” Romanoff said as she started to cut into the steak. “Asking Loki about himself between information gathering. It’s a pretty good tactic to turn an asset.”

“Loki isn’t an asset, to me at least,” Sarah sighed and pushed away what was left of her pasta dish. “And it's not like it’s some amazing secret. I’ve been pulling this crap for years when I thought someone wasn’t being forthcoming with me about their work. I learned it from watching tv.”

“Knowing something, and being able to put it into practice, are two different things.”

“Yeah, well, it helps when you have an unfair advantage.” Sarah tapped the side of her head. Little more bits of Sigyn had started to shake loose, nothing overly alarming, just pieces that were stuck in harder to reach places. This was not the desired affect she was hoping for.

“I was taught to always use every advantage, never leave anything on the table.” Romanoff bit a rather bloody piece of steak off her fork.

Sarah stared at her blankly. “Well, I’m sure I could just sleep with him and he’d probably do anything I’d ask but that ain’t gonna happen.”

The woman laughed, nearly choking on her food. After a sip of whatever was in her glass, Romanoff said, “That wasn’t on the table, but I suppose it is now.”

“Oh lord.” Sarah placed her head in her hand. “Forget I said it.” She didn’t even know why she said it, except that there was still that undeniable pull she had towards him. It was all chemical and muscle memory, or something like that. She could train herself out of it.

“We’ll leave it between us.” There was far too much mirth in Romanoff’s voice. “Just wanted to remind you that sometimes when you try to turn an asset, that opens you up to be turned to their side.”

“I have no plans on taking over the planet,” Sarah answered dryly. “But if I start to get tyrannical urges to subjugate the masses, I’ll let you know.”

…

“Then I would yell ‘Hah! It’s me!’ and stab him,” Loki said with a laugh and flourish. “I did it almost a hundred times and the dolt never learned.”

Sarah wanted to laugh but at the same time… “You stabbed… your brother…”

“Oh, just a little bit,” he waved off her concern. “You can ask him yourself, I didn't do any real damage. It was all in fun.”

Sarah never had siblings, but she knew plenty who did. There had been the Jameson brothers in high school. They would hit each other often, though it never looked like enough to even bruise, let alone hurt. She supposed Asgardians could afford to hit a bit harder.

“So, you can change shape, cast illusions.” Sarah started to reset the board for their next game. “So why did you need Barton to help you escape the Helicarrier? Or to kill that man in Germany? You could have just walked in, or slithered in, and taken whatever you wanted.”

Loki went quiet, the smile on his face dropping back into his usual dour demeanor. Sarah could admit she preferred him when he was smiling, when he was laughing and being charming. She could understand why Sigyn fell for him. But he had to face up to his actions if he was ever going to get past them.

“I needed to draw attention to myself,” he finally answered as he moved a piece on the board. They hadn’t made any moves for some time as Loki told one of his stories. “I couldn’t just surrender, I needed to be defeated, realistically.” 

“Do you regret killing that man?” Sarah had to ask, even if it may not be the best idea.

“Define regret?” Loki gave a short, sad laugh. “I did what I had to, and it served its purpose perfectly, and if regret is wishing I could do it over again differently, then I don’t regret it.”

Sarah wasn’t sure how to feel about his answer. It was, and also wasn’t, what she was expecting. So she played her turn while she tried to process.

“Have you asked Thor how many he’s murdered?” Loki asked as he moved a piece. “For near a thousand years we’ve gone to other worlds and gotten into fights that lead to death, sometimes as soldiers of Odin, and at other times, because the wrong Frost Giant called him a princess.”

There were several responses Sara could have made, and she knew which one the self-loathing side of Loki wanted to hear, and the one it needed to hear. Sarah took a wooden piece and placed it on another square. “The wrongs you do in the past, you can’t erase them, you may not even be forgiven for them, but they are the past. You decide your future.”

Loki was rendered speechless for the rest of the game, which was just over an hour, and Sarah let him marinate in his thoughts. She could only hope they were the right ones…

…

Loki was angry. Either this Sarah was too much like his Sigyn, or she was nothing like his Sigyn. If the woman would just pick a side, then he could move forward with a plan of escape.

And if she would just stop trying to help him, all the more better.

But she was all that he had right now, and he would make do. 

"It seems to me, Sarah," Loki said as they finished up a game. He'd use her name on occasion to show he conceded her point. She was not his Sigyn. "All this time spent talking about me, it's rather rude of myself. Perhaps you could tell me something about yourself?"

Sarah's eyes flitted up and there was suspicion there. "What do you want to know?"

"Nothing tawdry, I assure you," he answered with the appropriate amount of charm. "I'm simply curious about your memories. Surely you can understand that?"

She watched him for a moment, trying to read his intentions. She was right to be wary. But as much as he told himself this was all part of his escape plan, he truly wanted to know more about his Sigyn.

"Like I said, I don't have many memories, comparatively," she finally said. "But yeah, ask away."

"Thank you," he smiled softly to put her at ease for what was going to happen next. "I was curious if you have memory of her last moments, before she stepped into the Yggdrasil."

That got the reaction he had wanted. It brought up something painful and heartbreaking, he could see it clearly as she sat up straight and tried to compose herself.

"My apologies," he said somewhat sincerely. "I didn't realize how strong the memories were." And now he did, which he tucked away under useful information.

"Most of them aren’t," she said as she cleared her throat. "That one though, I locked it down a long time ago and didn't even realize it." Sarah took a nice, long, slow breath. "It hurt too much."

While Loki had been expecting, actually, desiring such a response, as it would benefit him in turning Sarah, once he heard those words, a part of him broke. All those years ago when he realized Sigyn knew exactly what was going to happen, what she was sacrificing... breaking her promise to him... it was the only time he ever truly had an angry thought towards Sigyn. He hated her for what she did.

So what if she stopped a massive, explosive event that would cripple three realms. She _left_ him.

Things could be rebuilt. Lives that were lost could be replaced. People would move on from... their... loss...

"She made a promise to you," Sarah finally said into the silence that had fallen between them. Loki glancing up as he realized he was staring through the board, lost in his own thoughts. "But she also made a promise to protect the world tree, to protect the people of Asgard, and sometimes one promise has to be broken to fulfill another."

Loki said nothing, trying to recover his mask and bury his heart.

"We were talking about regret, before," she said softly. "Sigyn didn't regret what she did, she would have done it all over again as there was no other way. But she regretted it had to be that way, that she had to hurt you, and leave you alone." Sarah looked up into his eyes. "She knew you had family, people who loved you, and she thought that would be enough."

There was nothing Loki could say here that wouldn’t hurt him. He could point out how his family was not family. That every sense of love thrown towards him in his life by those people were built upon lies. That Sigyn was wrong. She broke her promise to him and part of him will never forgive her for that. 

Or he could point out that Sarah could very well be a liar, trying to manipulate him, trying to turn a monster into some kind of domesticated pet.

Burying everything down where it belonged, he offered a slight, sad-filled smile. "Thank you for telling me."

"Yeah, well." Sarah uncomfortably readjusted herself in her chair. "She would have wanted you to know."

"Yes," was his only reply. He then reset the board so their game could start anew.

…

Sarah needed a drink, and while she was sure she could find plenty of alcohol in Stark Tower, she would rather be in a snake pit than there.

Normally, after her debrief, which were thankfully shorter now that they had developed a rhythm, Sarah would take a Stark vehicle back to her townhome. Perks of the sorta-job that she had with the Avengers and SHIELD. Tonight she left the building and just started walking. People bustled around her but they might as well be ghosts.

She first agreed to do all of this because she thought she could help save the planet. She then began trying to help Loki so that she could help rid herself of Sigyn's influence by at least proving or disproving everything and laying it all to rest. And it would be rather shitty of her not to try to help him seeing as she knew how far he had fallen. But so far, other than lessening the dreams she was having, she seemed to be failing on all points.

SHIELD had gotten a lot of information but she had no idea what they did with it, if it was even useful, or if it even mattered. No one told her anything. Loki seemed nowhere near possible rehabilitation, he was still trying to play the manipulation game with her. He didn’t want her help, well, the help she was trying to give. As for her past self, Sarah was beginning to think that the memories were too static and would never change, move, or diminish, and she’d have to live with them. 

So how much was too much? When did she throw in the towel and try to move on with her life?

Sarah found a bar, something more akin to a pub than a nightclub, and made her way in. It was a Wednesday, and not terribly late yet, so it was moderately busy. There was a line of seats available at the bar, so she flopped down on one while pulling a twenty out of her bag.

"Coke, with something really _really_ strong in it," Sarah told the bartender.

The woman nodded, grabbed a glass, filled it maybe halfway with cola, then topped the rest off with spiced rum. As she sat the drink down in front of her, she asked, "You're not driving, are you?"

"I'll call for a car." Sarah tapped at her phone. "Haven't driven myself in years."

"Then enjoy." The bartender pushed the glass forward. "Looks like you could use it."

Sarah sipped at the drink, the rum strong and overtaking the dark soda. Satisfied, she took a gulp and let it burn on the way down. 

A large television above the bar had been showing some game but cut to commercials. One of the evening news shows was promoting a special report they would be airing the next day about the new Department of Damage Control which was picking up after Loki's failed invasion. They even showed a small clip taken by a news drone that caught Loki standing up on Avengers Tower before it got shot down.

She glanced around and only a few people were paying attention to the screen. If they only knew the truth, that the invasion was just one big scam Loki had been playing to get away from an even bigger threat, or so he said. 

Sarah took another gulp, a bigger one this time. 

"Sarah?" a familiar voice spoke beside her. 

She turned her head to see, of all things, the mustache and gotee’d face of her ex-boyfriend. "Cliff?"

"Nice to see you too," he joked and sat down at the bar next to her. "So what brings you down to my haunt?"

"Your... haunt?" Sarah was confused, but the bartender sat a beer in front of Cliff, his favorite brand, without him even asking.

"Yeah." He frowned, his chestnut colored facial hair almost hiding it, but it was there. "My usual place got busted up in the incident. I lamented about it on Facebook."

"Oh, right." Sarah remembered now. Cliff may have been her ex, but it was a mutual breakup, both of them stalling out, knowing that they made better friends than romantic partners. They didn't completely break ties, still sent birthday wishes and all that. After the invasion, he talked about losing his favorite bar, but he'd rather that than lose his favorite people. She had replied that she was glad he was okay, glad that everyone she knew in the City had somehow made it out okay. “I didn’t realize…”

"I've been posting about this place for weeks," Cliff said after taking a swig of beer. "But come to think of it, I haven’t seen you post anything lately. Not on Facebook, twitter, nothing. What you been up to? You okay? You look... stressed."

"I am stressed." That was an understatement and she almost laughed at herself for it. "Took on a new project, it's... complicated."

Cliff ran his hand through his curly mop of slightly lighter than chestnut hair. He only did that when he was concerned. "Want to talk about it?"

"So outside your pay grade," she replied bluntly.

“Fair,” he conceded that point. “Don’t work yourself too hard. We both know how you can get.”

“Yeah.” Sarah sipped at her drink. “How about you? What have I missed on social media?”

“You know me, the extrovert from hell.” He chuckled, taking a draft of beer. Sarah had always been more on the introverted side of the scale. She could talk to people, be friendly enough with coworkers and clients, but if she forgot to talk to anyone for three days, she wouldn’t consider it a great loss. Cliff was the opposite, and for a while it kind of worked, until it just didn’t. “Business has been good, mixed blessing and all that with the Incident. Architects are suddenly more in demand.”

“Every light has a shadow,” Sarah found herself saying, “and every shadow has a light.”

“One way to look at it, yeah.” Cliff waited to see if she had anything more to add, but didn’t push, he knew better.

He continued to talk about a new building that he designed that was going up. He thought something fishy was going on with all the new construction businesses popping up, though he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. 

Sarah barely heard him. She focused on her words, the same ones Sigyn spoke to Loki in the cave. A reminder that he had his own light, his own worthiness to be proud of. Words that bubbled up through her like an inside joke, being said automatically, damned the context.

“You still living in the same place?” Sarah asked him, remembering he lived in a highrise not too far away.

“Yeah. The building lost a few windows but was only really scratched, all things considered.”

“That’s good.” Sarah pushed her drink away and turned fully on the stool towards him. “I remember that we were both really good at a certain destressing technique, and I have a hell of a lot of stress.”

Cliff caught her meaning almost instantly, a grin going to his lips before a sudden sobering. “How many of those have you had?” he pointed to her drink.

“Just the one.” And it wasn’t even finished.

Throwing some money on the bar, Cliff got up, gentlemanly helped her off her seat, and the two made their way out of the pub and down the sidewalk. They didn’t speak until Cliff was letting her into his apartment.

“Now, are you sure—”

Sarah grabbed him and pushed him against the wall, attacking his mouth, relishing the burns of his coarse facial hair against her skin. He needed no further encouragement, grabbing her by the waist and picking her up. Making it into the bed room, he tossed her onto the sheets. The fight for dominance began.

Sarah won. She had a lot to stress to work out.

Sometime later, she lay on the bed next to him, her body drained. Sarah didn’t realize how wound up she was until she was able to release the frustrations she ignored she had. Even with all the heartbreaking memories she had been forced to endure recently, there were still so many happy ones of Loki which used to delight her on lonely nights before she knew the truth. 

She had gotten used to being in the same room with Loki, but on some level, her body still cried out for his, and she hated it. She thought she was over this part of her connection to Loki, but obviously not. Absolutely nothing was working. 

Sitting up, Sarah looked down at Cliff who was half-awake, basking in the afterglow. With the only lights being those of the city outside pouring through the thin curtains, his chestnut hair looked black. His half-covered body was long and lithe. And if he shaved off his facial hair, it would reveal sharp features. 

Cliff could easily be Loki’s stand-in if her life was some kind of daytime melodrama.

Sarah hopped off the bed, gathering her clothes and getting dressed.

“Hey,” Cliff said as he said up. “I know this was just a booty-call, but it’s gotten late. You want to stay the night, I won’t make it weird. I’d rather have you safe.”

“I’ll get a Lyft,” Sarah told him as she found her bag and pulled out her phone. 

“Are you okay?”

Sarah sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’ve… I’ve reached a point in my life where I have to accept things will never be the same again. I just need to decide what my new normal will be.”

He reached out and put his hand on hers. “If you need a friend, need help, you call me. I mean it. I know we’re not ever going to be a thing again, but I am still your friend.”

“Thanks,” she said it and she meant it, but she couldn’t be in the room with him any longer. She hailed a Lyft and had plenty of time to get dressed and down to the lobby. 

“Text me when you get home,” Cliff said as he was putting his boxers back on.

“I will.” She stopped at the door. “Thanks again, the workout really let me step back and put things into perspective.”

He gave a cheesy grin. “Always happy to help.”

Rolling her eyes, she walked out of his apartment and to the elevator. She checked the app, the car was only two minutes away, so timing was perfect. Before she got to the ground floor, she had resolved herself to what she had to do.

Tomorrow… she was quitting. No more questions for SHIELD. No more trying to help Loki.

She wasn’t Sigyn. She said she could walk away. Now was the time. She just didn’t realize it would happen so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this part of the story was really hard to write, and probably why my muse left me.  
> If you think this was too rushed, don't worry, there is still a lot of story left.  
> And there will be some 'real' quality time between Sarah and Loki soon.  
> This... this was just the warm up to the emotional cliff-dive at least one of these guys is going to take before this is all said and done.


	11. The Impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for reading. Enjoy!

Chapter 11 – The Impossible

Sarah walked into Stark Tower the following morning, purposeful strides to her steps. She had accepted Sigyn would always be a part of her life, but Sarah chose if Sigyn took part in that life. Today, Sarah would tell everyone she was done. She'd go back to Raynor Tech, ask them to assign her to a different office, preferably one on the other side of the world.

Before the elevator closed, Romanoff slid in. The woman didn't press a button, just stood next to Sarah, shoulder to shoulder.

"You going to tell him?" Romanoff said once the elevator started moving. "Or you going to make one of us?"

Sarah turned her head towards the woman. "What?"

"Loki," Romanoff clarified. "You going to tell him that you're leaving or am I going to have to do it?"

"Ah..." Sarah faltered. She was surprised that Romanoff knew what she was up to, though it honestly shouldn't have. But for all Sarah's planning, telling Loki she was through was one bullet point she never ticked off.

The elevator stopped in the middle of two floors, and Romanoff turned to face her. 

"I get it," the woman said. "Something was thrown at you that no one could have been prepared for. Your life is upside down and sideways, and you question every decision you've ever made."

While she had no doubt the former assassin spoke from experience, Sarah firmly said, "The past is the past, I determine my future, and it's not here, with him, the past clinging to me like bad cologne." Sarah broke as she realized she had given Loki the same speech, mostly. "I did what I could. It wasn't as much as I thought I would, but like you said, I wasn't prepared for this. I want my life back."

"Okay," was all she said and the elevator started moving again. 

Sarah was confused. "You... you're not going to try to talk me out of it?" 

"Do you want me to?" Romanoff asked as the doors opened.

No is what she wanted to say, but the word was caught in her throat. 

"I want you to look at something," Romanoff gestured for Sarah to follow her off the elevator. This was not Loki's floor, instead a long hallway lead to a door that opened into a large command center. SHIELD agents, Stark Security, and people with Avenger patches on their shoulders bustled around.

"Is this where you sit and analyze everything I say?" Sarah said dryly as Romanoff ushered her towards a glassed off conference area.

"Pretty much." Romanoff gave her a sly grin and then opened the door to the conference room.

Everyone was there, _everyone_ , and Sarah felt really awkward. How much did any of them know about what she was going through, what she did the night before. 

"Sarah," Thor greeted her with a nod of his head. 

"Hey," she quietly replied. He wasn't acting any differently than usual and she now thought maybe it was only Romanoff who knew her secret. 

"Alright, doc," Romanoff moved off to the side. "Go through it again."

"Okay," Jane cleared her throat and started tapping at her tablet, complicated mathematical formulas popping up on the main screen. "Through research and Thor's off-world contacts, we've discovered there are six Infinity Stones. They were made by quantum singularities that literally compressed at the moment of the Big Bang which means they must have existed before the universe, as we know it, which seemingly proves a theory--"

"Skip to the good part, please," Barton got a little impatient.

"Yes." Jane tapped the tablet again and the formulas turned into organic looking compounds. "I think the Stones are part of the Yggdrasil."

Sarah quickly turned and looked at her. "What?"

"The Yggdrasil existed before the realms which slip in and out from each other through the space between atoms, this is where the Big Bang likely started." She started to get a little giddy. "All it took was two quantum specks that had any mass whatsoever to collide to spark a chain reaction that created the realms."

"Yes, yes," Stark tried to sound indifferent though he was obviously impressed. "And the good doctor wins her second Nobel."

Jane gave him a dour look, then continued. "The six Stones are linked into the Yggdrasil, that's how they have so much power. The Tesseract creates wormholes through the Yggdrasil, literally bending space. The Scepter, it taps into the electrical impulses of the mind, the micro-universes of the consciousness."

Something niggled at the back of Sarah's memories.

"Sarah," Thor got her attention. "When Sigyn left for a hundred years, this is what she was studying."

"She must have gotten nowhere," Sarah reasoned. "I have no distinct memory of any kind of stones. I mean, what you're talking about here, these extensions of the Yggdrasil, it sounds familiar, but the same way the plot of a book I haven't read since I was twelve sounds familiar."

"That's alright," Rogers told her. "Doctor Foster has that part under control. What we need from you is to get whatever you can out of Loki regarding these Stones."

"Thanos already has two of them," Romanoff said a shade darkly.

"Which two?" Sarah asked.

"He just gained position of the Stone of Power," Thor spoke gravely. "It is the raw essence of quantum energy. Used correctly, it is said to be able to destroy planets."

"Is he destroying planets?" She couldn't believe that she had to legitimately know the answer to such a question.

"It's perhaps the most dangerous and unwieldy of the Stones. He is likely waiting till he has the others so that he may tempter it into something useful."

"Oh... yay..."

"The other Stone is the Aether," Jane said as she brought up some more technical stuff on the screen. "It's actually a fluid-like substance that...” she stopped herself, “um... it's capable of creating Dark Matter which is hella cool and also, extremely dangerous."

Sarah was getting a sick feeling in her stomach. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“Exactly,” Rogers said. “We know he sent Loki here with the Scepter so that he might collect the Tesseract. We can pretty much expect another attack any day now to retrieve them both.”

“I could have gone without knowing that,” Sarah sighed, rubbing her head. Her life was impossible. She was never getting away from a past that wasn’t even hers. “So what exactly am I supposed to ask about?”

…

“You knew I was quitting,” Sarah spoke it as a statement of fact when she was able to talk to Romanoff alone.

“Wasn’t hard to figure out.” Romanoff lightly shrugged. “All trainee spies go through this kind of existential crisis. Sleeping with your Loki-look-alike ex, which, yeah, you got a type, was classic.”

“I’m not sure if I should be angry and terrified.”

“Be both.”

Sarah could do both. “I’m not a spy.”

“Maybe not like what you’ve seen on tv.” The woman was somewhere between sympathetic and smug. “Loki is an asset, _you_ are an asset. This is just a shell game.”

“Loki loves games,” Sarah replied absently, suddenly everything become that much clearer to her. As long could still play his game, he would never play another. Right now, he had no reason to change board. That’s why it all felt helpless.

She glanced up at Romanoff who was now definitely smug.

…

“Morning,” Loki said casually as she walked up to the barrier and passed through.

“Hey,” she hadn’t been completely prepared to see him again after what happened the night before. It actually wasn’t all that bad. It’s easier to look at a feast when you’re no longer starving.

“Something is troubling you.” 

“Yeah.” Sarah sat down in the chair at the game table. “We’ve gotten some troubling information and I was hoping you’d be able to help.”

“Do tell,” he said with a little bit of concern, but he couldn’t hide his mischievousness nature underneath. He was probably thinking that there was finally something he could use to his advantage.

“Thanos has two of the Infinity Stones,” she told him bluntly.

Loki’s eyes darted up. “What?”

“The Stone of Power and the Aether,” Sarah started to explain. “I was hoping you’d tell me exactly how he was planning on using them, what kind of—” 

Sarah never had a chance to ask her SHIELD mandated questions as Loki was out of his seat, yelling. “Thor! I know you’re watching! Get in here, _now_!”

“Loki?” Sarah wasn’t sure how to respond to his outburst. As far as she knew, this was the first time he had ever called for his brother.

Thor walked into the room and before he could say a word, Loki said, “Thor, you have to let me out of here.”

“I can’t do that,” Thor immediately responded.

“Thanos was never to have gotten his hands on another Infinity Stone,” Loki was clearly agitated. “They should have all been beyond his reach.”

“I have spoken to the Nova’s directly,” Thor explained with surety. “Thanos attacked and took the Stone of Power from them. I’m unsure how he retrieved the Aether, but his daughter, Gamora, confirmed it.”

“He will be coming here next,” Loki said through gritted teeth.

“I know that, brother,” Thor said and Loki didn’t even argue the familial relation. “That’s why we need you to tell us everything you can to help defeat him.”

“You can’t defeat him,” Loki stressed. “This is not a problem you can swing your hammer at. You need to let me out so I can take care of it.”

“And how would you do that?” Thor asked sincerely.

Loki’s face went into a near mad grin. “The way I do everything.”

“With trickery and deception.”

“We all have our talents.” 

Thor tilted his head slightly as if he was listening to whoever was on the other end of the earpiece he was likely sporting. After a good minute, Thor frowned, not particularly happy.

“I want to trust you, brother,” Thor finally said. “But the Midgardians do not know you the way I do.”

“Damn it, Thor,” Loki yelled, getting right up onto the shield. “I am trying to save you and this wretched planet. This is not a battle you can win.”

Thor stepped forward. “Give me something, Loki. Show them what I already know to be true.”

The brothers stared at each other, both as equally stubborn. The air grew colder in the room, but Loki said, “There is a third Stone, here on this planet. I was supposed to take it after gaining control of the Tesseract and quelling insurrection.”

“A third one?” This was news to Thor. “Where?”

“I’m unsure,” Loki admitted and it sounded like the truth. “I only know it was entrusted to someone called the Sorcerer Supreme quite some time ago. I can’t even be sure it’s still in the possession of the current Sorcerer Supreme, whoever that is.”

“Sorcerer Supreme? A witch?”

“Likely.”

“Thank you,” Thor said sincerely. “This is vital information.”

“What good it will do you,” Loki replied darkly. “Two Stones, three, you’ll never stop him, not without suffering considerable loss.”

Loki turned away and looked straight at Sarah, his face showing a little hint of surprise, as if he had forgotten that she had been sitting there. To be honest, Sarah almost forgot she was there and not simply watching a scene play out. Almost every question that SHIELD had given her was now moot. This really had been pointless.

Thor looked over at her, checking that she was okay. She gave him a little nod, she didn’t feel endangered by Loki’s outburst. Thor nodded back, then after another glance at his brother, proceeded to leave the room.

Silence sat in the air until Sarah said, “You want to save your brother.”

He knew he had been caught in a slip, his fear overriding his mask to show his true nature. “No one kills Thor but me.”

“Sure.” Sarah suppressed a smile, seeing the statement for what it was. 

“You need to talk to them, Sarah.” Loki walked right up to her, looming over her just enough that she could feel radiance of his body. “Convince them to let me go. I can stop Thanos from ever coming here.”

Realization dawned on Sarah. “You would willingly go back to Thanos?”

Loki blinked as if the thought hadn’t really occurred to him. Was it because he was never planning on helping once he was released, or because his true feelings once again over-road his emotions, Sarah couldn’t be sure.

“I attacked this world,” Loki said bluntly, coldly. “I willingly murdered people who got in my way. All so that I could escape that madman. What he is capable of warranted nothing less.”

His attitude was meant to intimidate her, but Sarah wasn’t playing that game with Loki. She stood from her seat and looked him in the eye. “He’s a bad guy, I got that. So why would you go back to him?”

“I will be going back with the advantage to me,” Loki’s words turned darkly. “I will make him pay for what he did _to me_. Saving Thor, this planet… you… simply a secondary consequence I’ll have to live with.”

“You don’t think that maybe you owe this world,” Sarah shot back. “That even if they did let you go to take on Thanos, that you should do it to make up for all the damage you’ve done?”

“Do you really think I’d be able to make up for everything I’ve wrought?” Loki let out a short laugh. “Never reach for the impossible. It will only end in failure.”

…

“It’s out of the question,” Hill said as Sarah walked back into the conference room with all the Avengers present. “There is no way you can guarantee Loki won’t get away if we let him step one foot out of that cell.”

Hill and Thor argued the point for several minutes while Sarah found a chair off to the side and sat down. She was at a loss what to do with herself. That morning she was ready to quit. It was still a viable plan, but the impending attack made it all but impossible to quit without her feeling a grave amount of fear, and regret if she could have stopped or minimized an attack.

As the argument continued with everyone throwing in their two cents… a memory, one that had become sharper recently but hardly seen, drifted into her mind.

_“How is your back?” Loki asked as Sigyn did what she could to clean the wounds on his face from the venom. If she could just keep him in good health, he could focus on figuring how to break the spell._

_“Hurts a little,” she replied honestly. “Nothing I can’t live with.”_

_“You shouldn’t have to,” he was getting despondent again. “You should leave me, Sigyn. We’ve been here for hundreds of days, we won’t be found, and if I haven’t been able to release myself from these binds by now, I never will.”_

_“Don’t say that, Loki,” she chided him. “The fact that we have survived this long means we can survive longer, we can get through this.”_

_He scoffed turning his face away from hers. “It’s an impossible task, and one should never reach for the impossible, it will only end in failure, but such is befitting a lesser son.”_

_Sigyn floated between angry and disappointed. Loki was so much better than this, so much stronger than this, but his will had been beaten down long before they even fell into that damned cave. How could a man with such a bounty of self-esteem be lacking in worth?_

_“You can’t reach for the impossible,” Sigyn sighed and leaned down, kissing him gently on the cheek, “so bring the impossible to you.”_

_His face snapped forward, now so close they could breathe in each other. She was going to kiss him then, properly, deeply, despite the fact she wasn’t sure if that would be a good idea. All the time they had spent together and she had no idea of his feelings for her… or really, her own feelings for him._

_Loki grinned, the life coming back into his eyes, and they glittered like emeralds. “Make the impossible come to me… oh, my dear Sigyn… I’ve been going at this spell all the wrong way.”_

_“Can you defeat it?” She tried not get her hopes up but it was impossible not to as Loki had that scheming look in his eyes she had grown accustomed to before the cave._

_“We’re getting out of here,” he said with surety. “I will defeat that hellish serpent at her own game and I will be_ victorious _.”_

_Loki was a man of his word._

…

Natasha had been watching Sarah as she zoned out. She envied the woman, at least Sarah had the luxury of day dreaming while the rest of them discussed the possibility of actual witches running about somewhere and if Loki could trusted on a leash.

Sarah stood walked over. “I’d like to go back in.”

“Remember something?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah, but it might be nothing.” The woman didn’t seem to be very sure of her words. 

“Alright.” Natasha was very interested in what was on Sarah’s mind. She knew Sarah was having a crisis of identity. It started with Sarah wrecking her apartment and spiked with her sleeping with an ex. 

Been there, done that.

Natasha waved over one of the SHIELD agents. “Escort Miss Brisne to Loki’s cell.”

A few minutes later, she pulled up the display for Loki’s cell and watched as Sarah entered the room. Instead of going into the cell proper, she stood just outside. Her body was stiff, she was nervous and a little afraid. Natasha was starting to get a feeling that something wasn’t right.

“Never reach for the impossible,” Sarah said to Loki. “You said that on purpose.”

Natasha grabbed her tablet, bringing up the feed so she could watch as he hustled down to Loki’s cell.

“Wasn’t sure if you… if Sigyn… would remember,” Loki replied.

“Do you think this is a game?” Sarah nearly yelled. “Everyone’s lives are on the line right now. Mine, Thor’s, even yours.”

Natasha got into the elevator, still watching the exchange.

“Yes, it is a game. _Life_ is a game,” he spat back. “There is no such thing as chaos, everything follows a pattern eventually. There are always rules, to follow or to break.”

“I know how you got out of the cave,” Sarah nearly whispered as Natasha got off the elevator and made her way towards the viewing room. “You faked an argument with Sigyn. She pretended to leave. Then you endured great suffering while she snuck into the serpent’s lair and got what you needed to break the spell. But you had to wait days before you could do anything, you were badly hurt without her there to hold the bowl and had to heal.”

“I had to trust Sigyn would not leave trace she was there,” Loki admitted with a touch of fear and respect. “That she could hide what she had done before I could act on it.”

Natasha walked into the viewing room where the agent was leaning against the console but snapped to attention. “Did she say anything on her way down?”

“No,” he replied.

“That was the impossible,” Sarah said sadly. “You trusted someone else.”

“Like I had never trusted anyone before.”

“Do you mean it when you say you can stop Thanos?” Sarah asked. “Not just from attacking Earth, but hurting any other planet?”

“That’s not the impossible task.”

“Deception is easy.”

“Trust is impossible.”

Natasha realized something. “Agent, where’s your stun baton?”

She didn’t even wait for an answer. Natasha ran through the door into the ante-chamber just in time to see the stun baton drop into Sarah’s hand from where it was tucked up her sleeve. It telescoped out and crackled, Sarah driving it against a force field generator on the outside of the cell.

There was an explosion of energy that blew her back into the wall, but nothing she couldn’t shake off. Sarah had it far worse, being flung away from the shield like a rag doll. 

Only one generator had gone down, but that was all Loki needed. He walked past what was left of the shield and stared down at Natasha. All he did was grin.


	12. The Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am playing fast and loose with the timeline right now, but I'm okay with this.  
> I also will probably be another week before I post again. My schedule is just crazy that way.  
> But there will be more coming! I promise! I will let you know if my muse starts to abandon me again.

Chapter 12 – The Path

When Sarah woke up, she felt sore and tired, like she ran a marathon, but otherwise okay. Her last memory was of making the decision to trust Loki. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

Expecting to be in a SHIELD or Avengers holding cell, she was quite confused to find herself in a very opulent bedroom, laying in the most expensive of cotton sheets. Her body was clad in the softest of jersey knit, a bandage wrapped around her right, lower arm. 

Sliding out of the bed, she walked to the floor length window and pushed aside the thin curtain. She had to be about thirty stories up, New York laid out in front of her.

“You’re in a hotel.”

Sarah barked out a scream and turned around at the sudden noise.

“It’s just me,” Loki said from across the room. 

“What’s going on?” she numbly asked as her heart raced.

“When you broke the shield, thank you for that by the way, you were rendered unconscious,” he explained. “If I had left you, you’d be locked up right now, and I couldn’t have that.”

“Won’t… won’t they track us?” 

“Not unless I want them to.” Loki smiled, the first time she had seen anything close to a real carefree look on his face that matched her memories. “For as long as you are in this building, no one will recognize you, human or machine. There is money in the bag,” he gestured to a duffle on the dresser, “and shops below, buy whatever you need until I return.”

It was all too much to process. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not actually here.” His image shimmered momentarily. “I’m retrieving the Scepter and the Tesseract, and following a lead on the third Stone. They are vital to defeating Thanos.”

Sarah knew what lengths he had gone to in order to get the Tesseract before. “You’re not killing anyone, are you?”

“You consider that only after?” Loki couldn’t help a little laugh. “No, as you so astutely pointed out, I don’t have to kill anyone to get what I want, and I have no reason to put on a show. Now, I can’t guarantee no one will be visiting a healer, but there will be no permanent damage.”

“Keep it that way,” she said with false bravado. 

He smiled at her again and she simply didn’t know what to do with this new side of Loki, or really, old side returned. But that had to be a good thing, right?

“Why do you need the stones?” she asked once she realized what he was saying. “I thought the point was to keep them away from Thanos?”

“I will explain in detail and length later,” he said, “but plainly, we need to get them off this world so that he has no reason to attack it, and then we need to use the stones as bait to stop him altogether.”

“I see.” It made sense, and that is probably what worried her the most. The bandage on her arm crinkled. “What happened here?”

“You were clipped by a spark, left a nasty burn,” Loki explained. “I dressed it for you, put on a poultice that will heal it far better than any of your Midgardian medicine.”

“Thanks, but were the pajamas you as well?” 

He tried to hide a sheepish grin. “I was extremely respectful, but as you pointed out, I had seen it all before.”

Sarah gave him a very annoyed look. “When are you coming back? I need to punch you in the face.”

“If I do not return within five days,” he took a more serious tone, “then you should leave, go to Thor, perhaps ask him to send you to Asgard, for there will be no safe place left on this world.”

The ominous nature of his words left Sarah speechless. 

Loki shimmered again. “I have to go, I’ll be in touch if I can, but as I said, five days.”

“Five days,” she repeated and then he was gone.

Sarah sat down on the end of the bed and tried to organize her thoughts. She knew Loki deliberately made her remember that conversation in the cave. He did it to manipulate her emotions, to get her to trust him, and it worked. But for the moment, it seemed to be playing out just as he said it would. 

And if she was honest with herself, she trusted Loki because Sigyn would have trusted him. 

This fact frustrated her to no end, but it was something she was just going to have to deal with. And besides, she already knew there was no rehabilitating Loki while he sat in that cell. There were no incentives for him to change the game. Now, the game could be whatever it needed to be.

She supposed she could have left right then and there, gone to Thor and SHIELD, begged for leniency for what she had done and given them what she knew of Loki’s plan. It would do no good, for any party involved. Her best course of action was to stick with Loki, help him, try to guide him on the right path.

Be there to hold the bowl.

Sarah groaned and flopped backwards on the bed. She was never getting her life back.

…

The Scepter and Tesseract firmly in his possession and hidden properly from being tracked by his brother’s friends, Loki was finding it much more difficult to locate the Sorcerer Supreme. He had found himself in a country called Tibet, sitting at a busy café at lunchtime. The smells were amazing, and if he had not been on a deadline, and being hunted, he might have taken the moment to fully enjoy the culture and cuisine.

But he did have a little time as he waited, and he was relatively safe with his back to a wall and a protective spell over the café to hide his presence. It had been two days since he last spoke to Sarah, and it was probably best that he checked in. Closing his eyes and taking a breath, he sent a visage to the hotel room.

Sometimes he forgets time zones are a thing on Midgard. 

It was late, though not terribly so, only ten thirty by the display on the news program which was muted. Sarah was half-sitting, half-lying in bed where she had fallen asleep. A book, brand new by the look of it, was laying open on her blanket covered lap. 

On some level he knew he was being intrusive, watching her sleep, but she looked so much like his Sigyn, it broke his heart.

_Loki pushed the blanket away, he always got to hot, had always preferred the cold._

_Sigyn stirred lightly next to him, still laying on her back but shifting from being slightly turnede away from him, to towards him. Her long, braided hair had become a mess, stray locks matting against a sweat soaked brow. The blanket was just low enough to tease the beauty beneath._

_He looked upon her and his heart broke._

_How could someone so beautiful and perfect ever love someone so worthless._

_Loki thought back across their relationship, all the things that had brought them to this moment. He realized he had fallen in love with her almost since the first moment they had met. It took far to long for the rest of him to catch up on that fact._

_After they survived the cave, he struggled to sleep without her by his side, but even then she helped him to learn to live without her. But he couldn’t live without her, sleep alone perhaps, but they had given each other a part of themselves, cementing the bond of love that had been growing._

_Growing until Loki couldn’t help himself but kiss her when he found himself close enough to do so. She didn’t fight him, instead digging into it until they were making out against the bookshelves of the Royal Library._

_Three days… three days of confusion and frustration as they tried to decide which path to take. Loki prepared for rejection, but Sigyn led him into her chambers, into her bed, and that is where he found himself worthy of the goddess that laid beside him._

_He had somehow won her favor, and he was never going to let it go._

Loki frowned, a sense of shame washing over him. Sarah had been right when she said that his relationship to Sigyn wasn’t completely healthy. He relied too much on his beloved to fill in the gaps of his broken sense of self. She had been his rock, but also his crutch. 

It had worked, and they were both happy...

Then she went and left him, breaking him apart without any way to pull the pieces back together. Broken like that stained-glass window, only there was no making a mosaic out of his life. Not with the ashes that were left.

Sarah stirred, her eyes popping open and giving a sudden jerk. "You need to stop doing that."

"Apologies," he said lightly. "I am across the world right now, I did not realize it would be so late."

"How long you been there?" she asked cautiously as she sat up properly in bed.

"Only a minute or two. I was about to leave." In truth, he could have watched the woman sleep all night, but he would know, on the deepest level, that this wasn't Sigyn, and that would have made everything so much worse.

She seemed to have accepted his answer, but still held the blanket to her. "Did you get the stones?"

"Still looking for the third one," he told her. "But I have found the Sorcerer Supreme's location. I am waiting for the right moment to make proper introductions."

"Be careful?" Her words were honestly framed like a question. "People usually don't get the title of Supreme unless they're really good, or really bad, at something."

"I can handle myself, thank you." He knew he had overstayed himself. "I will be in touch."

Loki didn't bother to wait for a reply, he had to leave before his buried emotions resurfaced. 

It was just in time too, for he spotted the apprentice sorcerer walking down the alley towards the entrance of the sanctum. Loki got up and quickly fell into step with the man, hiding himself in his shadow. This part was easy. Once he got past the front door, then the real fun began.

…

Sarah got back to her room after having breakfast at the hotel's restaurant. She had tipped the waiter with a couple of twenties from her pocket. She had been wary of spending the money, unsure how Loki came across it, until she saw the duffle belonged to someone at Stark Industries. Sarah didn't really mind spending a multi-billionaire's rainy-day stash.

There was a knock at the door and that didn't really trouble her. She had been visited by hotel staff and the concierge a few times. Whatever Loki did to pull off getting the room, it made them very eager to please her. 

Looking through the peephole, the man standing outside the door was unfamiliar to her. He was dressed in a rather nice royal-blue suit and jacket, but his long beard and hair, though combed, put him just a little bit out of place. 

"Who is it?" Sarah called out.

"My name is Stephen Strange," the voice managed to be nasal and gravelly at the same time. "I've come to speak to you about your... ex-husband."

That was a hell of a way to describe her relationship with Loki. And he didn't look like any of the SHIELD agents she had run into. Though that might be the point of his appearance. 

"I don't have an ex-husband," she said. "Go away or I'll call hotel security."

"Have it your way," he responded with a dismissive sigh. "At least I tried being polite."

The man walked away and Sarah's thoughts went into overdrive. Someone knew she was here, even though Loki said that was supposed to be impossible. She had no way of contacting Loki, and exiting the building would ensure she'd be found, if the exits weren't already blocked off.

Light began to shimmer in the middle of the room, like copper welding sparks spinning in a circle. Sarah grabbed the first thing in reach, a tall geometric statue made of glazed concrete. The sparkly circle developed into a human sized oval, the man from outside walking through it into the room.

"Please don't do that," he seemed very put out as he gestured to the statue in her hand. "I'm not here to hurt you. I've been sent to offer you an invitation."

Sarah didn't lower the statue. "From who, to where?"

"The Sorcerer Supreme has invited you to the New York Sanctum Sanctorum in order to discuss the war criminal Loki and his request to _borrow_ the Eye of Agamotto." 

"Okay, only about half of that made sense," Sarah said as she sat down the statue. "So I'm thinking you're legit, but where is Loki? Why didn't he come here and get me himself?"

"He's a bit occupied at the moment," it sounded like a joke. "Look, I'm from New York myself, and I would rather see Loki turned over to SHIELD, which we are going to do if you decide not to accept the invitation. I'll happily leave now and not even mention to SHIELD that I saw you or that bag of cash over there."

"Listen here, Mr. Strange--"

"It's Doctor, actually."

"No wonder your attitude sucks." Sarah was becoming incensed, almost irrationally so. She put her life and her freedom on the line to protect both Loki and the Earth. If this guy thought she would so easily walk away, then she would have done so already. That is, she would have followed through with it this time. "Take me to Loki."

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as you need a shave and a haircut, Sasquatch." 

With an overdramatic sigh, Strange turned, putting one hand out as the other made a circular motion. Another sparkly portal opened. "After you."

Sarah could admit to herself she was afraid. If she hadn't seen him walk through one of these portals himself, then she would laugh at the idea that it could be done. But then she was the reincarnated soul of an alien princess... her perspective on life was getting more and more twisted and confused.

The portal led into the entrance of a large manor house with dark paneling and not enough lighting. 

"This way." Strange gestured to the massive stairwell, starting up for her to follow. 

It was like a museum, all sorts of random artifacts put out on display. At one point she was sure an inanimate object waved at her. First aliens were real, and now magic. Was there anything left? Demons and Fae perhaps?

They walked down a hall, Strange stopping at a door, opening it. He stood to the side and waved her in. Sarah stepped into the octagon shaped room with a tall ceiling that seemed to defy the architecture. In the center was a pedestal where a gaudy, burnished, necklace sat. A woman in robes stood off to the side, her head bald and skin pale.

"For the record," Strange said. "I don't like this."

"Thank you, Stephen," the woman replied, barely moving her hand and the door shutting in his face.

Sarah cleared her throat. "I'm guessing you're the Sorcerer Supreme."

"I am." She smiled and it was just a little bit disconcerting. 

"Where's Loki?" Sarah almost squeaked the words.

"Waiting for us to finish our chat." The woman moved forward, every movement fluid. She gestured to the necklace. "Agamotto was the first Sorcerer Supreme. He was entrusted with what you call an Infinity Stone. He fashioned it into this necklace... The Eye of Agamotto."

Sarah stepped forward, getting a better look at the large pendant. It almost seemed to be breathing. "What does this one do?"

"Controls time itself," she said with superfluous awe. "With this, Loki could go back in time and prevent Sigyn from ever going into that rift."

"But if she never dies..." Sarah felt numb.

“Then you are never born,” the Supreme finished her thought. “But would that be so bad? Loki would likely never have fought his brother on the BiFrost, never have fallen into the clutches of Thanos, or invaded Earth. Would you trade your life to save all who were lost?”

It was a hard question, one that made her a little sick as she considered all the possibilities that brought her to that moment. Had this been Loki’s plan, to get the Eye and bring Sigyn back to him? Would he really do that to her?

“Thanos would still attack,” Sarah pointed out but with an unsteady voice. “He’d just send someone else for the Tesseract and the Eye.”

“So your sacrifice would be a waste?”

“What sacrifice?” Sarah pointed at the Eye as if she couldn’t understand what it was doing there. “If that thing can fix history, then why hasn’t it already done so? Why did no one go back and, I dunno, stopped Hitler, or Leopold, or Loki for that matter?” Sarah shook her head. “Either it doesn’t work that way, or the cost of using it is too high. Or you’re a Grade-A Asshole.”

The Supreme chuckled lightly, smiling at her. “It both has its limitations on how it works, and also comes with too great a price to use. But I’m also sure Stephen would agree, I am a Grade-A Asshole.”

“Takes one to know one,” Sarah mumbled, but then deflected. “Does Loki know it wouldn’t work? That he wouldn’t be able to go back and save Sigyn?”

“He does,” she said and walked around to the other side of the podium. “I am not fearful of him using the Eye to change the past, but the future is still flexible, destiny is fluid, and can be reshaped.”

“We are trying to change the future,” Sarah said emphatically. “We’re trying to stop Thanos from attacking the Earth, from hurting any more people.”

“I believe that is what you’re trying to do.” The woman’s smile dropped and her words turned cold. “But I am not entirely convinced you and Loki are on the same path.”

“Of course we’re not,” she admitted. “I am doing this out of fear and guilt… he’s doing it out of revenge and hatred. Does it really matter what path we take, as long as we get to the same place?”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“I don’t want to.” Sarah sighed and bowed her head. “I hope that I can steer Loki right, I want to help him, even though I’ve been pretty miserable at it. But at the end of the day, as long as my world is safe and I haven’t created an even bigger threat, I’m just going to have to call it good.”

The Supreme frowned ever so slightly. “Is that why the Yggdrasil created you? So you could save the Earth?”

Sarah closed her eyes, anger and despair washing over her. “I don’t know why it created me. If I’m supposed to fix Loki or not. If I even have a destiny, or if I was just paint thrown against a wall to see what stuck. I want my life back, but I don’t know if it was ever mine to begin with.”

The room was eerily quiet, but Sarah didn’t notice. She was too busy trying not to cry, to hold herself together for the sake of the mission. She supposed Romanoff had been right, she was a spy, and Loki her asset. It was the mission perimeters that she was uncertain of. 

There was a rustle and Sarah looked up to see the Sorcerer Supreme standing in front of her, the Eye of Agamotto in her hands.

“I will entrust this to you,” she said as she held the necklace towards her. “But it must be returned once you are finished. There are some whose destinies are tied to the Eye. Yours is not, so consider this a short time loan.”

Sarah was almost speechless, uttering out a thank you as she took the Eye. It was heavy, and warm, and she was now sure it was breathing. “I’ll make sure we bring it back, once we’ve stopped Thanos.”

“I trust you.” The woman smiled and stepped back. 

She started to move her hands in circles like Strange did, a large portal opening up above them. A yelling Loki came falling out of it, hitting the floor hard enough to make Sarah wince, his body splayed out on his stomach.

“Witch!” Loki shouted as he angrily stood. “Was that really called for?”

“You have Sarah to thank,” the woman deflected Loki’s attention, “for me not dropping you bound and gagged in the middle of Stark Tower.”

Loki eyed Sarah critically, the Eye held in her hands. A fleeting thought drifted quickly across his face before it was dismissed. She knew what he was thinking, in a split second he considered saving Sigyn now that he had the Eye, but he realized it was a truly impossible task, one he could not reach for, and one which he could not bring to him.

“Now,” the Supreme got their attention, “is there any place I can drop you off in your quest to stop Thanos?”

Sarah had no answer to that, of course. Loki took a moment to compose himself before saying, “There should be a natural tear in the Yggdrasil in Central Park. It will take us to Knowhere.”

“I know the one.” The woman moved her hands again, a regular oval portal opening up beside them. “I wish you great luck on your journey, and await the return of the Eye of Agamotto.”

“I’ll bring it back,” Sarah promised, nearly clutching it to herself. 

Loki only acknowledged the woman with a nod before gesturing for Sarah to walk through first. She did so, being immediately hit by the cold air. She had really wished she’d brought a coat with her.

“I am cloaking us from SHIELD’s view,” Loki said, quickly walking past her towards two trees standing side by side, bowing out and back to each other. “But we should go, quickly. Give me the Eye.”

Sarah hesitated, she could feel the power trapped inside the Stone. “You’re not keeping it. We’re giving it back.”

He looked at her with a sad little disappointment, but it wasn’t really directed at her. “The Stone is worthless to me. Not even having mastery over time itself can fix what is broken.”

“You could make something new.” Her fingers clutched around the pendent, getting tangled in the cord.

“For that I'd need something much stronger than time.” Loki held out his hand.

Sarah could feel the memories of Sigyn reminding her to trust Loki. That she had already found herself on this path and she should see it through to the end. Hesitantly, she passed over the Eye. He took it in both hands, twisting his wrists and making it disappear.

“Pocket dimension,” he explained. “It will be safe there, with the Tesseract and Scepter. But we must be quick, they are too powerful to contain for long.”

“Right.” Sarah took a breath, then paused. “Wait, am I actually going with you to stop Thanos?”

Loki gave her the most confused look. “That was always the plan, yes.”

“My planning never got past shoving a stun baton in the force shield.” The sensitive area on her arm itched. It had healed very quickly, as major burns go, but it would scar.

“Just like with the serpent, I can’t defeat Thanos alone,” he admitted reluctantly. “I could find someone else but…”

“But it’s probably meant to be me.” Sarah sighed and rubbed between her eyes. “Well, I guess someone has to keep you out of trouble, and bring the Eye back before the Supreme turns us into a newt or something.”

Loki let out a strange kind of laugh.

“What?”

“That moment, just then.” Loki made the sound again, as if he sighed at the moment the laugh left his lungs. “That was completely, utterly, unlike Sigyn.”

Sarah stared at him in disbelief. “That… is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Don’t get use to it,” he replied wryly. “I could use her exuberance and sense of adventure right now.”

“Make do.” She was grinning.

Loki cleared his throat. “This is the plan. We go through the tear and it will drop us off where we can get a ship. We take that to Thanos where, well, we’ll have some time to go over those details, but I’m going to get my revenge.”

“Sounds insane enough, shall we go?” Sarah started to walk forward but he stopped her.

“This tear in the Yggdrasil,” his words suddenly took on gravity, “it’s natural, it’s stable. There are simply some places where the Yggdrasil skirts too closely and a bridge is made.”

Sarah frowned. “I think I understand that.” 

“We will be walking through the Yggdrasil,” he spoke clearly. “Walking through what stored Sigyn’s soul, until it reformed into you.”

“Shit,” she whispered the word. “Will it try to reabsorb me?”

“If you weren’t who you are, I’d easily say no. Like I said, it’s a stable tear.” He pointed towards the two trees. “One of three things is going to happen. Most likely, you’ll walk through it just like anyone else.”

“And less likely?”

“If there is anything left of Sigyn still in the Yggdrasil, it may try to latch onto you. This could mean new memories, or…”

“Or a complete personality reset.”

“Yes.” Loki tried to hide that he wasn’t hopeful at the thought. Sarah supposed she couldn’t blame him for it. She took solace in the fact he was warning her it might happen.

“And the third?” she dared to ask.

“You’ll be reabsorbed, returned from whence you came.”

“I don’t think that will happen,” she immediately said. “The Yggdrasil made me for a reason. It’s not going to take me back before my mission is done, and I have to believe it’s not. Because if all I’m here to do is break you out of prison and get you the Eye, then, you know what, I’m done with life.”

“I believe you are right.” Loki smiled softly at her. “I’m sure the Yggdrasil has much more in store for you.”

“See, that just sounds worse when you say it.”

Loki laughed, a light chuckle. “I believe you will be fine, and I want you beside me when I face Thanos as I believe that is where you are meant to be, but I could not let you pass through without knowing the risks. If you wish to stay, I will find another to aid me.”

Sarah took a long, deep breath, considering her options. If she was meant for more than this, then she would pass through just fine. If this was all she was meant for, then she could only hope the Yggdrasil would ignore her having made use of her. 

"Alright, let's go kick Thanos' ass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my original concept for this chapter was different.  
> It started and ended the same, but the middle was, well, not as cool as this turned out to be (white-washing aside).  
> Also, I didn't know the locations of the Time and Soul stones either, so that threw a minor wrench into my plans.  
> But it's all good, the kids are still on track with destiny... until someone mucks it up.


	13. The Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Probably another week on the next chapter.  
> Holiday's make everything a little crazier than usual.

Chapter 13 – The Decision 

Jennifer was ready to put the beat down on someone when she heard Natasha call out, “Let her in.”

The SHIELD agent moved to the side and Jennifer made her way into the hotel room. It was pretty swanky, and showed no obvious signs of trauma. A few other agents bustled around, gathering evidence she supposed. 

“What you doing here, Jen?” Natasha asked as she stood in the middle of the room, thumbing through a book.

“I was hoping to find my client,” she replied wryly.

"Long gone by the time we got here." Natasha closed the book and tossed it onto the bed. 

Jen started a slow walk around the room. "How did you find them?"

"Stark has a tracker on the bag." She pointed to a duffle that was laid out on a table. Stacks of cash in plastic evidence baggies sat next to it. "Loki disabled the tracker, or was blocking it. Then a little after nine this morning, it activated again."

"What does the hotel staff have to say?"

"That there was one occupant, a rather rich, rather elusive, Norwegian princess." Nat actually smiled at that. "The video recordings don't show Sarah and no one recognizes her face. I'll say it, I'm impressed with his work."

"Lends credence to his story." Jen frowned as she walked to the window. "New York was attacked and it was nothing but a scam to get away from something much, much worse."

“Yeah,” Nat begrudgingly agreed. “What do you make of all this, Jen?”

“It’s difficult,” Jen admitted, looking back on the room. “Were they both staying here?”

“Evidence says it was just Sarah. And no signs of any sexual activity either.”

“Well, I suppose that leaves seduction out of it,” she said almost sarcastically. 

Nat smirked. “I’ll agree with you on that one. Loki was giving her an itch, but not the fun kind.”

“I don’t even want to know how you know that.” Jen shook her head and walked over to the bag of cash. “So here’s the literal million dollar question. Why leave the money?”

“It’s good anywhere on the planet,” Nat sort of answered the question.

Jen sighed. “They’ve gone off planet.”

“Do you think Sarah would have gone with Loki to defeat Thanos on their own?”

Jen let that question sink in for just a bit before answering. “If she really thought that he was telling her the truth, then yeah, maybe. It’s a brash decision, and I know I haven’t known her long, but she can be a bit brash.”

“Yeah.” Nat crossed her arms. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

…

Nebula sat off to the side, working on yet another piece of enhancement. She heard Loki had returned, which was near suicidal after his failure. But apparently he had brought a peace offering, something worthy of letting him live.

He walked up to her father's dais, surety in his steps, but fear in his eyes.

"Little prince Loki," Thanos' voice boomed. "Have you come to beg forgiveness?"

"I have come to demand your favor." Loki may be Jotun, but he had the haughtiness of an Asgardian.

Thanos laughed, a deep rumble felt throughout the room. "You failed me, little prince, so who are you to make demands?"

Loki lifted his arm, the pulsating blue of the Tesseract glowing in his hand. "Retrieved, as you requested."

"And my Scepter?" There was no mistaking the unhinged satisfaction Thanos had at seeing the prize.

Loki twisted his other hand, the Scepter now clutched in his fingers. 

Thanos laughed again, heartier this time. "All you have done is what you were made to do. I see no favors to give here."

There was a shimmer, a large pendant appearing around his neck. “I have brought the Time Stone.”

The greed rolling off Thanos was palatable. With those three Stones, his collection was nearly complete and ultimate power was within his grasp.

“I have brought you three Infinity Stones,” Loki said with a grin. “Who else can claim such a feat?”

Thanos waved his hand and guards approached Loki, but not to attack. With a watchful gaze, Loki gave them the Scepter, Tesseract, and Pendent. They then presented them directly to Thanos. With another rumbled of satisfaction, Thanos picked them up individually, basking in their power. 

“You gain no favors here, little prince,” Thanos said as he inspected the pendent. “You lost me an army.”

“Cannon fodder,” Loki dismissed his words. “Once the gauntlet is complete, you will need no army.”

Thanos laughed as he waved his guards away. They would take the Stones to rest in the vault with the other two. “And you think I’ll need you?”

“ _Need_ might be a strong word,” Loki quickly corrected. “I think you will find me much more useful when left to my own devices… but in your service, of course.”

Thanos leaned forward in his seat. “What is it you really want, little prince?” 

Loki stood tall. “I only ask for a good seat from which to watch Asgard burn.”

“Do you hate your family so much?”

“They are not my family.” Loki’s jaw tightened, the edges of his eye sharpening. Nebula knew the feeling. “They never were.”

Thanos laughed again, delighting in Loki’s self-inflicted pain. “You may be yet useful, little prince. Though tell me, how did you escape after the humiliating defeat you suffered?”

Something broke in Loki’s expression. “There was a woman, Midgardian, I convinced her to help me. I can be very persuasive when I need to be.”

“This I do not doubt. Where is this woman now?”

“She didn’t survive the trip through the Yggdrasil.” He seemed truly upset about that fact. But then he gave a carefree smile. “A shame, really. She would have been useful, if nothing else as a hostage.”

“There is nothing more glorious than to give a gift to Death,” Thanos was pleased. “Alright, little prince, you will have your favor, a place at my feet as all words burn.”

Loki bowed his head slightly. “It will be my honor.”

“Now, to retrieve the final Stone.” Thanos stood from his throne. “Let us continue to Earth.”

“What?” Loki asked, his expression going blank.

Thanos made his way towards Loki, dwarfing the Frost Giant. “While you were rotting in your cell, the Soul Stone was also located on Earth.”

“Ah, splendid.” Loki clapped his hands together. “Tell me where, and I will fetch it for you, my way. You’ll have it in no time.”

“I grow weary of waiting on others.” Thanos loomed over Loki. “I will take the Soul Stone myself, and Earth will be the first to be laid to waste.”

Loki was quiet for a second, then he smiled. “Just don’t forget Asgard.”

Thanos laughed. “Daughter, find the little prince here a seat on my ship from which to watch his realm burn.”

Nebula hopped off her perch as Thanos left. She didn’t care for Loki, he was far too mercurial for her tastes, and definitely not to be trusted. But at this point there wasn’t much he could do, other than watch worlds burn. Which could actually be what he desired. Like she said, mercurial. 

“This way.” Nebula brushed past, not waiting for a reply as she led him to her father’s ship. There were rooms, slightly better than holding cells, but at least he would be able to leave if he chose to. Though leaving probably wasn’t his best option.

She showed him to a room at the bow of the ship, it had a view port. As he walked inside, she said, “I’m not sure if you’re insane or just plain stupid.”

“I prefer adventurous.” Loki grinned at her. “It means the same thing, right?”

“We launch in four hours for Earth.” With that, she shut the door.

With Loki on board, it was quite possible things wouldn’t end well for Thanos… but was that necessarily a bad thing?

…

Loki laid on the single bed, looking bored, yet thinking. He tossed a small cup in the air and caught it as it came down. Up and down it went for nearly an hour.

The door slid open and one of Thanos’ guards came in. The door slid closed behind him before he spoke. “We have a problem.”

Loki froze with his hand in the air, fingers clutched around the cup. “It kinda scares me when you say things like that.”

“As well it should,” the guard nearly hissed.

“He’s going to attack Earth anyway,” Loki said as he sat up, legs dangling over the side of the bed. “With or without the Stones, people are going to die.”

“I’m thinking, alright.” The guard began to pace, tapping his hand against his thigh.

Loki looked down at his arms. “Do we still need to keep this up? In here at least?”

“Huh? Oh.” The guard waved his hand and with a small flash of green light, the guard turned into Loki, while Loki’s image dissolved to reveal Sarah. “Commendable job you did out there.”

“Helps when I had an illusion over my face and you in my ear,” Sarah replied. “I was panicking the whole time.”

“And that was good,” Loki assured her. “It blended into the illusion. Made Thanos think he still had me too frightened to be a threat to him.”

“Yeah, I didn’t have to hear that.”

“We made need to play into it again.” Loki gritted his teeth and started to pace. “The core of the plan is still unchanged. I switched out all his Infinity Stones with fakes now that he’s confirmed they are real. When he goes to use them with the Infinity Gauntlet, the resulting explosion will decimate everything around him and lay him out for a thousand years, the unkillable bastard.”

“If the last Stone is on Earth, then he’ll probably try the Gauntlet out on Earth,” Sarah reasoned, then she put it together. “Wait, it doesn’t matter where the Soul Stone is, you were still going to let some poor planet be decimated?”

“Not the whole planet,” Loki quickly corrected. “And there was a very good chance the Soul Stone was hidden away on one of the millions of unpopulated planets throughout the realm.”

Sarah got incensed. “But you didn’t know that.” 

“Let’s not get into this right now,” Loki deadpanned.

“No, lets.” Sarah stood and got right in his face. “I know you wanted your revenge, Loki, and you wanted my help. But trading my world for another isn’t how it works.”

“It was a calculated risk,” Loki shot back. “Leaders make them all the time.”

“Leaders, like your father, Odin?”

“Not my father!”

Sarah stared Loki down. “What decision would he have made? And you know what, maybe it’s the right one. But you need to be honest with yourself. Or you’ll make the same mistakes he did.”

Loki was seething, cold rage in his eyes she hadn’t seen since he thought she was some illusion meant to toy with him. 

The door slid open and suddenly Sarah was back to being Loki and him the guard. Thanos’ daughter, Nebula, if she remembered correctly, walked in. 

“What do you want?” Sarah asked as Loki.

“I want this charade to end, Loki,” Nebula addressed the guard. “I want in on your plan.”

“My plan?” Sarah asked.

Nebula kept looking at the guard. “You’re not stupid. You would only come back if you had a plan to take Thanos down. It’s a common goal we have.”

Sarah looked to Loki, the guard illusion judging Nebula intently. He broke into a grin. “Well, now that you mention it…”

…

Sarah strolled purposely towards the ships. No one stopped her because when they looked at her, they only saw Nebula in all her intimidating glory.

“You,” she called out to someone wearing the deck chief emblem. “I need a ship fueled and ready to launch, now.”

Nebula had assured her that no one would question her as long she did not waver from being forceful and pissed off. It wasn’t really in Sarah’s nature, but the threat of torture and death should she be caught made her unusually mean. As she stood there, waiting, she asked herself, what would Natasha Romanoff do? She must have presented the perfect scowl because no one tried to approach her or ask her anything.

“She’s all ready,” the deck chief told her, pointing at the third ship in the line.

“I’ll launch as soon as that idiot gets here,” she said and stalked towards the ship. 

Thankfully the hatch was down, she didn’t want to break the illusion by awkwardly trying to figure out what to do. She bounded up the ramp and easily made her way into the cockpit as it was an open designed ship. Sitting down in the pilot’s chair, as that’s where Nebula would have likely sit, Sarah had completed her part of the plan.

Sarah was basically the get away driver, but she wasn’t even really that as she didn’t know how to fly a ship, she only kept the engine running. She had to feel like there was more to her being there than that. The Yggdrasil didn’t even nudge or tug at her when she passed through. It’s like it didn’t even recognize her. That should have felt like a good thing… but as she sat there, near pointlessly, she felt a little empty.

If her life wasn’t her own, then she’d like a little direction as to what it was supposed to be.

…

Loki met Nebula as planned.

“Screw anything up?” Nebula asked him tersely.

“You asked for my help,” Loki tsked. “Have you so little faith in your own decisions?”

“I have so little faith in you,” she shot back. “Shows how desperate I truly am.”

“It suits you well.”

They made their way quickly down to the loading dock. At any moment, alarms could go off, or the ship itself explode before they had a chance to leave. But no, if they timed it right, they would be just far enough away when that happened. So long as nothing got in their way.

“Stay behind me,” Loki told Nebula as he cast an illusion over himself as one of Thanos’ other henchmen. “Do not waver, or they might see you.”

“I understand,” Nebula replied through gritted teeth. 

Loki walked with long and purposeful steps. He easily spotted the ship that was readied for launch and headed towards it. Crewmen scrambled out of his way as he projected menacing anger. It came easily to him as he thought of what Thanos had done to him, and what he was about to do to Thanos.

Quickly striding up the ramp, Sarah, as Nebula, stood from the pilot’s chair, a scowl on her face that hid her trepidation. Waiting for the real Nebula to get clear, he turned and hit the ramp control and proceeded to secure the ship for takeoff.

Nebula stepped out of the cone of the illusion and waved Sarah down into the ship so she could take her place. The two quickly swapped, Loki dropping the illusions on both of them.

“You’re sure this will work?” Sarah asked him as they moved to get buckled into the side seats.

“Between my magic and Nebula’s knowledge, it can’t fail.”

“Don’t say things like that.” Sarah frowned, securing her harness. “People say things like that and the only thing it can do is fail.”

Loki smiled at her. “Good thing even failures can still be blessings, wouldn’t you say?”

She frowned at him, partially terrified. His Sigyn would be loving this, loving the adventure and the thrill. But then Sigyn had many years of experience, unlike Sarah who only had a few memories and a fragile body. Loki couldn’t really blame Sarah for being afraid, even though he wanted to.

Nebula had the ship in the air and they shot out of the bay. Again, Sarah had that wide-eyed look of terror as she saw the blackness of space. It was a bit tamer this time than during their trip from Knowhere. Now she was a bit more used to it. 

_“You’re perfectly safe,” Loki admonished Sarah who was sitting in the co-pilots chair of the ship they ‘borrowed’ from a dealer on Knowhere._

_“Tell that to thousands of years of genetic selection that did not prepare me for this,” she said through gritted teeth, pointing out into the void. “I’m in space, alright. In a tin can in space, with an alien, that I was married to in a past life, who I broke out of prison, which was committing treason, and, oh, apparently magic is real too. I’m due a freaking out moment. Let me freak out, okay?”_

_Loki said nothing, just watched her close her eyes and take deep breaths. He never thought of space as anything all that momentous, but for someone who never expected to set foot in it, he could see how that would be overwhelming._

_Several minutes passed and she wasn't calming down. If his plan was to work, then he needed Sarah at least not paralyzed with fear. He needed her to be able to stand in front of Thanos. The Titan would know if Loki sent a complete illusion, there needed to be flesh and bone. He would think nothing of a visual illusion as Loki was never without some kind of visage, be it clothes to suit the moment or a mask to cover the pain._

_Unsure what to do, he asked himself what Sigyn would have wanted him to do._

_Reaching over, Loki gently laid his hand on top of hers which was gripping the armrest like a vice. Her hand tipped around, grabbing his and holding just as tight. He supposed if he was Midgardian, it might have hurt, but it did not, and this allowed him to let her get through the moment without the need to extricate himself._

_Her breathing slowed and she carefully opened her eyes. She stared into the darkness until she came to terms with it._

_Sarah glanced down at their hands, quickly letting go._

_"Feeling better?" Loki asked gently._

_"Yeah," she mumbled, not making eye contact. "I keep making decisions without thinking them through. It's not like me."_

_Loki knew the reason for this was her acting on instinct, Sigyn's instinct. But he dare not say that out loud if he wanted to keep her in his good graces. So he said nothing._

_Sarah cleared her throat. "Okay, um, why don't you tell me your plan?"_

_"It will require you to stand in front of Thanos," he told her, attempting not to sound patronizing. "Will you be able to do that?"_

_"Able, sure," she let out a little laugh. "I mean, bravery isn't the absence of fear, it's acknowledging your fear and doing the thing anyway. That pretty much sums up my life since I met you."_

_Loki frowned. "You should never fear me."_

_"I think we both know that's not true."_

_Unable, or perhaps just unwilling, to argue with her, Loki started to tell Sarah his plan._

"This should do it," Nebula said, turning the ship around and then hovering in space. 

Loki and Sigyn both got out of their seats, crowing the cockpit so they could see out of the view port. In the distance, Thanos' massive ship was the size of a model toy. Within a minute, they could see the explosive wave as the ship broke apart, then collapsed in on itself, winking out into the dark.

"Just like that," Sarah said in awe. "The threat is over and it's a simple as that?"

"I wouldn't say simple," Nebula was snide but she was obviously pleased. "If it had been simple I would have done it long ago."

Loki grinned. "And here I thought you didn't trust me."

"Still don't," Nebula shot back and then started to move the controls. "You wanted to go to Knowhere, right?"

"If you'd be so kind."

"First thing's first." She turned in her seat and held out her hand. "Hand it over."

With a touch of reluctance, Loki opened a pocket dimension and retrieved the Power Stone, still encased in its silver orb. "As requested."

"I'm going to trust that the stone is in there," she said as she took it. "Otherwise I'll come after you, with Gamora, the Nova's, and anyone else I can think of in tow."

"Sounds like a party." Loki had indeed considered tricking Nebula and taking the Power Stone for himself. But Sarah had been there when the deal was struck, and if he was ever going to get her on his side, he had to show himself as at least somewhat honorable. It's not like he wouldn't know where it was if he had need of it in the future. 

Nebula placed the orb in her pouch and went back to the controls, piloting the ship towards Knowhere. Sarah had already returned to the seats, having had her fill of the void no doubt. 

Loki moved to join Sarah, an uneasy tug at his conscious. The Infinity Stones were powerful, the most power he had ever held. Giving one up for safe passage, that was at least reasonable. Returning the Eye to the Ancient One was, at the very least, prudent. That still left him with three in his possession. Yet he promised Sarah he would give all of them up once this was over, and he would hold to that promise.

Although the more he got to know Sarah, the more divergent she seemed to be from Sigyn. But Sigyn was there, buried down deep, Loki knew it. And the only way he was going to get her back was with Sarah's cooperation, willing or unknowing. 

Would Loki give up so much power just to see his beloved again? Could he?

Sarah glanced at him, her face full of sadness. "All those people on that ship. Gone."

Loki cleared his throat and sat down across from her. "Most of them were willing soldiers. Thanos left much of his victims and slaves to rot while he decimated the galaxy. I believe Nebula when she says she'll send the Nova to free them."

"Just because they were willing doesn't mean they wanted to serve him," Sarah pointed out quietly. "Where you not willing when you attacked New York?"

Once again, he found himself unable to argue with her. "It was a necessary decision that had to be made. Thanos didn't die, but he will be lost, unable to hurt anyone, for a very, _very_ long time."

"Necessary," she echoed the word, taking in a deep breath and allowing herself to accept what she had been a part of. 

As they sat in silence, Loki realized that it was just the kind of necessary decision that Odin would have made. Thor, well, he might have as well, thought he probably would have tried harder to save more people. But in doing so, he could have lost his window of opportunity or alerted Thanos to his plan. No, the only way to protect all the realms was to take out Thanos while he had the chance, everyone else being acceptable collateral damage.

Loki grew angry but concealed it from Sarah. 

He owed nothing to them.

Odin was not his father.

Thor was not his brother.

Frigga was not his... mother...

Damn it all to Hel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, I haven't read much Thanos (or any, now that I really think about it).  
> I could be horribly off with his characterization.   
> If I am, then I'll own it.


	14. The Price

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late.  
> Life man, it just gets in the way.  
> I hope you enjoy this, we are starting into the end game.

Chapter 14 – The Price

“Do you think it’s wise?” Loki asked.

“You took the Scepter and the Tesseract from them, you should give it back,” Sarah answered as they walked through a bazaar on Knowhere towards the Yggdrasil tear that would take them back to Earth. Sarah was in her Earth clothes, Loki having cast some spell to keep them from getting dirty. Even though she still felt clean, the desire to take a shower only grew by the day.

“Do you think they can be trusted with such power?” Loki argued. He had opted to wear a cloak pulled up over his head rather than an illusion to hide himself.

Sarah had her doubts because he wasn’t exactly wrong. She could admit that her own species could be a little self-destructive at times. Ultimately though, “You want to make that mosaic, then you have to start somewhere, glue the first piece in place, and then the next, and the next.”

“Sounds like a lot of work,” he said with no real emotion.

“Well, you stamped pretty damn hard on those pieces, Loki,” she told him. “But they’re still there, still viable.”

“You mean to encourage me?” There was something self-deprecating in his words.

“Stop it.” Sarah grabbed him to make him face her as they stood in the middle of the bazaar. “You know what’s going on here, right? You’re taking your depression and turning it into a blade with no handle, hurting others and yourself.”

Loki jerked his arm away. “What are you blabbering about?” 

“I have Sigyn’s memories, remember?” She could see the anger building in him, a way to deflect from the truth of his emotions. “I don’t know what they call it on Asgard, but where I’m from, you have chronic depression. And that no matter how successful you are, it will never be enough, because your own brain is working against you.”

“You a mind healer now?” He laughed at her.

“I had time to kill in the hotel, I did some reading up.” But even she could admit that reading one book was hardly enough to be an expert, but it was at least a place to start. “You really should be properly diagnosed, see a therapist.”

Loki stared blankly at her, rolled his eyes, then walked off.

“Hey!” Sarah chased after him.

“Mind healers are idiots and not worth the price they cost,” he said through gritted teeth. “For all their words they cannot change the facts at hand.”

“And what facts are those?” Sarah was struggling to keep up with his long strides despite her height.

Loki rounded on her and she almost ran into him. He was trembling in anger, his eyes glowing red and his skin the color of cobalt. “That I am, and have always been, a monster.”

Sigyn wouldn’t have loved him if that was true, Sarah felt it. But this wasn’t what he needed to hear, to be reminded of a lost love, a lost crutch. All Sarah could do was remind him of a truth. “Finding out you’re Jotun, that has nothing to do with it. You were like this, for as far back as my memories go. Always trying to find something to prove yourself worthy, while also finding other things to prove that you are not.”

While his Jotun image faded, his anger did not. She could see him wrap it into a ball and bury it into his heart. He took a breath and even managed a smile. “Your concern is touching, my dear, but you are not going to find your purpose in me. You’re just another human. Live blissful in that knowledge.”

“In ten minutes, an hour, a day, a year, whenever,” she told him sadly, “you’re going to regret saying those words. Don’t bury those feelings down, apologize, ask forgiveness. I promise you I’ll give it.”

Effectively silencing Loki, Sarah backed away enough to get her bearings. She knew where they were, not far from the tear in the Yggdrasil. Walking away from Loki this time, she headed down the path. Leaving him with his thoughts was either the best or worst decision she could make, but she wasn’t going to become his crutch.

She made it to the particular alley where the tear existed inside the shadow of two mismatched buildings. It was a dark and looming area, giving Sarah pause. She turned around, searching for Loki, and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Leaving Loki had been a mistake.

“Shall we?” Loki’s voice was behind her and Sarah nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Loki,” Sarah nearly hissed as she turned around to see him standing behind her, grinning.

“I accept your apology,” he said, holding out his arm. 

“Did Sigyn really put up with your shit?” Sarah got in a little dig, but only after she took his arm so she couldn’t lose him again.

“It’s becoming increasing clear you are not Sigyn,” Loki said as he walked her towards the tear. “I am treating you like the annoying human mortal that you are.”

“Huh,” Sarah said as she stood in front of the tear. “If I’m annoying you, that means I’m getting to you, that maybe… I’m right.”

Loki let out an exasperated sigh and pushed her through the tear. Sarah felt that same sensation of space bending around her as she had the first time she travelled via Yggdrasil. Still, it did not call out to her, tug at her, or acknowledge her in any way. 

Sarah stumbled out the other side, night had fallen in Central Park, a clear sky with a waxing moon illuminating everything. 

“Welcome back,” the voice of the Sorcerer Supreme greeted her.

Standing not too far off was the pale skinned woman and Strange. It looked like Sarah had interrupted them talking. “Uh, hi.”

“Was your plan a success?” The woman asked.

“Mostly, yeah.” Sarah didn’t want to think about all the possible innocent deaths she might have been a party to. “Thanos won’t be invading any planets for a while.”

“Excellent.”

Strange cleared his throat. “Where is Loki, and the Eye?” 

Sarah turned her head towards the tear, knowing that Loki should have stepped through it right behind her and would have been there by now. “He’s coming…” she hoped.

…

Loki stared at the thin sliver of darkness that would take him back to that accursed planet, the one his brother loved so much even after spending only a day there. Or he could run, take the Infinity Stones, as nothing, and no one, could stop him.

Little voices in his head reminded him that Sigyn never knew he was Jotun. They pulled up every memory that proved she would have been disgusted with him, while ignoring the multitudes more that showed she would have been accepting. His family was not his family, they never really loved him, and perhaps neither did Sigyn. 

His life was a lie, it had always been a lie, and he should know, as the God of Lies.

And the best way to lie is to tell the truth.

…

Sarah was about to walk back through the tear to Knowhere. She had very little experience with the alien world and would probably get herself killed, but it might be worth it to not suffer the Sorcerer Supreme’s wrath. Sarah had promised the return of the Eye, and she had trusted Loki…

There was a light shimmer, Loki stepping out, a stupid grin on his face.

“What?” he asked innocently when he saw her scowling.

As much as she wanted to tear into him again, she wasn’t sure it was a smart idea to do it in front of wizards. Loki could possibly feel the need to prove something and then the whole park could go up in flames.

“Nothing,” she barely muttered. 

“Ah, Ancient One.” Loki spotted the woman and walked past Sarah with a flourish. 

“Congratulations on defeating Thanos,” the sorcerer replied. 

“Didn’t go as I planned,” Loki admitted. “But one must always be able to adapt.”

“You are wiser than you know, God of Mischief.”

Strange was not a patient man. “Do you have the Eye?”

“Of course.” Loki twisted his wrist and the Eye appeared, the pendent in the palm of his hand. “Very appreciative of the loan.”

“I bet,” Strange grumbled as he took the Eye from Loki. He turned it over in his hands, wisps of magic drifting in the air around it. “This is the real Eye.”

“I’m insulted,” Loki said drolly.

“You’ll forgive my apprentice,” the woman said with a smile. “He has much left to learn.”

Strange gave her the side eye but ultimately didn’t argue. “What about the other Infinity Stones?”

“Oh,” Sarah spoke up, she had been thinking about this since they landed at Knowhere. “We are returning the Scepter and the Tesseract to the Avengers. Could you possibly help with that?”

The woman smiled again. “What did you have in mind?”

…

“And you’re sure?” Hill said in a way that made Jane question everything, even though she wasn’t the one being asked.

“The reports come from the Nova’s themselves.” Thor was far more apt to stand up to the SHIELD agent. “Thanos’ ship was destroyed, sucked into an anomaly, him with it.”

“So that’s it?” Rogers asked. “The threat is over?”

“For now, until Thanos frees himself from the void.”

Hill was not impressed. “And how long would that take?”

“Days, or eons, probably something in between.” 

“And we’re sure it was Loki?” Natasha asked.

“I spoke with Gamora,” Thor explained. “He said that her sister, Nebula, was able to use the Infinity Gauntlet and the ship’s energy source to create a micro-wormhole that sucked everything into a void, a space between.”

“Wait a second.” Barton held up his hand. “I thought that was the Soul Tree?”

“The Yggdrasil,” Jane corrected him. “And yes, it’s the interconnected void between all matter and all realms. But there are several voids that exist between more localized bodies of matter.” Everyone but Thor and Stark looked blankly at her. “A major city has roads, from big highways, to arterial lanes, to small back alleys. All different kinds of roads with different speed limits, traffic patterns, and rules. The Yggdrasil is all of these roads as a whole. Thanos has basically gotten stuck on the 409.”

“Well that makes sense.” 

Rogers was the one to stay on point. “How did Loki help this… Nebula?”

“Nebula is fearsome, and crafty,” Thor said. “But she knows little of the delicate magics surrounding the Infinity Stones and the Gauntlet. Loki does. She got him access, he set the trap.”

“Just like he said he would,” Natasha pointed out. “Quick and clean with no cost to human life.”

Banner was hiding off in the corner, per usual. “Why didn’t he just do that in the first place? I mean, Thanos entrusted him with an army and an Infinity Stone, surely he had access then?”

“For the same reason a prisoner won’t leave their cell even if the door is unlocked,” Natasha spoke darkly. “Never try to understand the mind of a person who is being tortured and dehumanized. Logic is whatever the powers dictate.”

“Are you defending him?” Barton pinched his eyes, his jaw a little tight.

“As Stark said, cool motive, still murder,” she replied dryly. “If we don’t try to understand our enemies, then they continue to be a threat rather than an annoyance. Also, I think that is why Sarah went with him willingly, to try to understand him. To help him.”

Rogers shook his head. “Sarah has no training in psychology, she has no experience in that kind of trauma. As someone who’s gotten into their fair share of one-sides battles they can’t hope to win, she hasn’t got much of a chance against a god of manipulation.”

“She has Sigyn,” Thor pointed out. “She knew him better than anyone. It offers her a distinct advantage.”

“And the super serum gave me muscles,” Rogers replied. “Doesn’t mean I knew how to fight. I still had to be taught how to use my strength.”

Stark laughed as he took a drink. “Some of us are faster learners than others.”

“The point is,” Hill said loudly, commanding everyone’s attention, “Loki is still out there with five, very powerful, Infinity Stones.”

“Four,” Thor corrected her. “He gave the Power Stone to Nebula so that she could trade it for clemency from the Nova’s.”

“FOUR, very powerful, Infinity Stones,” Hill reiterated. “If he wasn’t a real threat before, he sure as hell is now.”

There was a slight rustling, like metal against metal. Copper colored sparks started to appear on the other side of the room. The Avengers went on guard, Barton putting himself between Jane and the sparks as he was the closest to her. 

She peered around him and wanted to push the man out of the way. Some kind of wormhole was forming without a distinguishable power source. The event horizon parallel to the floor. 

Two items dropped from the portal, a loud clang echoing through the room. Then it disappeared, closing itself up like the aperture of a camera. This left the Avengers to do nothing but stare at the Scepter and Tesseract sitting on the floor where they fell.

Natasha was the first to speak. “TWO, very powerful, Infinity Stones.”

Everyone looked dumbfounded, even Thor. As much as he loved his brother, Jane could tell that he did not expect Loki to return the Infinity Stones, at least not without asking for a price. Everything came with a price… so who was paying it?

…

Sif didn’t mind going off planet by herself, often it was simply easier that way. But she did miss her friends, and the trouble they could get themselves into. A bar fight simply wasn’t the same without good company to share in the revelry.

But with Thor busy on Midgard with the Doctor, Hogun back home, Volstagg tending to his family, and Fandral caught up with the latest love of his life… she was on her own. The last sane one of the lot of them.

She was walking through a quiet, open air plaza on some random planet on business for Odin when a hooded woman approached her.

“Excuse me,” the woman cleared her throat, “Lady Sif?”

“And you are?” Sif tensed slightly, checking all around her in case this was an ambush.

“I’ve come to ask your help,” the woman said then tipped the hood back enough for Sif to see her face.

“Sigyn,” the word fell from her mouth.

Tired exasperation drifted across her face as she spoke the words as if they were well worn in the ruts. “I am not Sigyn. I’m Sarah. Thor might have mentioned me?”

“Right, of course,” Sif apologized, the un-Sigyn like voice breaking the illusion. “You look just like her.”

“So I’ve been told.” Sarah shifted her cloak and pulled a medium sized satchel from her waist belt. “I don’t know if Thor also mentioned anything about Loki breaking out of prison on Earth, or going after Thanos and the Infinity Stone.”

“He did, actually.” Sif once again surveyed the area, knowing that Sarah had last been seen with Loki. It could even be Loki standing in front of her, but no illusion could portray the weariness in Sarah’s eyes when Sif called her Sigyn. “Where is Loki now?”

“Not here, he isn’t keen on getting caught.”

“And you?” Sif asked as she did another visual sweep of the area. “I can take you back to Midgard.”

“Thanks, but I just came to give you this.” Sarah held out the satchel.

Sif did not reach to take it just yet. “What is it?”

“The Aether,” Sarah said quietly. “The last of the Infinity Stones Loki took. This one had no owner, so we thought perhaps it could be stored in the Asgardian royal vaults.”

“We?”

“Yes, we. Look, I know Loki isn’t the most trustworthy, but there is good in him.” Sarah winced at her own words. “I can’t say he won’t try to go after it later, but for the moment, he’s willing to give up an amazing source of power to prove that he can do the right thing.”

“It’s just another of his games, his tricks,” Sif said with surety. “He’s always been one to play the long con, in fact, it’s what he’s best at. It’s when he makes quick and rash decisions that he fails.”

Sarah pinched her brow. “Sigyn told you that.”

“Yes, she did.” Thor had told Sif about Sarah retaining some of Sigyn’s memories. She found it interesting that this was one of them. “You should head her caution. Help me bring in Loki.”

“So you can just throw him in a dungeon and forget about him?” Sarah blanched. “The Avengers already tried that, and it did no good. Loki needs the opportunities to do the right thing, or otherwise he’ll continue to believe himself the monster everyone says that he is.”

“You speak dangerous words. Loki will only do the right thing if he serves his purpose, do not mistake that for altruism.”

“Does everyone on Asgard think so little of him?”

Sif faltered, knowing that Thor, the Queen, and of course Sigyn, all believed in an inherent goodness in Loki’s nature. But saw it for what it truly was. “Loki is only ever as good as he is required to be, otherwise he simply does what he wants.”

“Then perhaps we should give him more reasons to do the right thing.” Sarah held out the satchel containing the Aether. “He’s given up all the Infinity Stones. I think that’s a pretty good start.”

“It cannot last.” Sif sighed as she took the bag. “Eventually he will betray you.”

“Well, with that attitude…” Sarah shook her head, then readjusted her hood. “Please don’t follow me.”

“Loki’s friendship always comes with a price,” Sif called out to Sarah as she started to walk away. 

Sarah stopped and looked over her shoulder. “Everything in life comes with a price. And we pay for it every day. We give things value. But you know what happens when you devalue something? You get Loki.”

Sif watched quietly as the woman made her way out of the plaza, disappearing into the urban landscape. Sarah may have had some of Sigyn’s memories, but she did not have the experience of knowing Loki for what he truly was. What he showed himself to be. 

That the Loki which they knew, whom Sigyn loved… simply no longer existed.

…

Sarah made her way down unfamiliar streets, but she followed the path Loki had set out for her. She checked behind herself to make sure Sif wasn’t following. Though Sarah wondered if she would even be able to know if she was. Everything that had been happening lately was well beyond anything she imagined, even after learning aliens were real in what seemed like a lifetime ago.

She made her way to the Yggdrasil tear on this world, tucked between a statue of some old god and an obelisk with unfamiliar writing. The tear could only be approached at a special angle. It took Sarah several tries before she got it right. 

Loki said he might not be there on the other side but that she should wait for him. She had to trust that he wouldn’t abandon her. She chided herself for her weariness, her thoughts of his betrayal. People assuming that Loki would do the wrong thing was exactly why he was the way he was. If you are never given the benefit of the doubt, then you might as well do what you want.

The garden that she landed in was empty, night already fallen on the world. It was a benign one, not a lot of natural predators or criminals. Loki said she’s be safe to just sit and wait. 

Sarah picked a bench that looked comfortable enough and sat down. The moons were bright, no cloud cover, so she didn’t feel like she was in the beginning of a horror movie. Instead, she gazed at a patch of beautiful starflowers. Their faces were open, soaking in the celestial light. Their bright hues now dark and rich. She wondered how much trouble she’d get into if she took a few bulbs back to Earth with her and tried to grow them. From her memories, she was pretty sure it wasn’t an invasion species.

The flowers had been Sigyn’s favorite, and were rapidly becoming Sarah’s as well. Of course, that frightened her.

_”They’re beautiful, thank you.” Sigyn accepted the small boutique of flowers from Loki, inhaling their sent._

_“I saw them and thought of you,” he replied simply, as if she was to believe it was meant to be nothing._

_“I still thank you,” Sigyn said, moving to place them in a pitcher of water on one of the side tables in the World Tree Library._

_As she stood arranging the flowers, her back to Loki, she could feel him approach. He was so close to her, the radiance of his body something she had become familiar with for all the wrong reasons._

_After they returned from the cave, life hadn’t been the same. True, normalcy had been achieved, but it was slightly darkened and misshaped. It had taken several days before either could sleep easily throughout the night without each other. They both knew it was a symptom of their trauma, a product of habit, and eventually it went away._

_And it was replaced with an altogether other feeling._

_Sigyn was in love the prince._

_It had become apparent to her that she had been in love with Loki before the time in the cave. But like any foolish love-sick girl, she had decided it just that, foolish. How could she ever be worthy of a prince? And so she buried her feelings amongst other foolish dreams._

_“Sigyn,” Loki said softly, placing his hand on her shoulder._

_She turned slowly, only having to look slightly up at him as they were so close in height. He was cautious, unsure, and trembling._

_“Loki?”_

_His hand slid up her shoulder to her neck. He moved into her and pressed his lips against her own. Loki was cold and fresh like the winter mountains. He held her gently as he moved against her, but then started to falter. Sigyn grabbed him by the waist, pressing into the kiss. Part of her mind told her this was just a fluke, and she was going to sear every precious detail into her memory._

_Loki had to breath. He pressed his forehead to hers, his free hand gently touching her face as if he was afraid it would disappear._

_“This is probably a mistake,” Sigyn admitted, her voice breaking._

_“Probably,” he replied with a sad little laugh. “But not all mistakes end in failure.”_

_“But they always come with a price…”_

Sarah groaned and leaned forward, rubbing her temples. Sigyn’s memories were not easing up, constantly reminding her of what Loki could be and what he once was. But it wasn’t that simple, too much had happened, too many bridges burned. 

And there was little she could do to help. Loki had to fix himself.

There were footsteps and she looked up to see Loki walking towards her. She smiled at him, as one does when seeing a friend. That is what Loki really needed right now, a friend. 

“Everything go well with Sif?” he asked.

“She took the Aether,” Sarah replied. “I don’t think she followed me.”

“She didn’t,” Loki confirmed with a slight grin. He had probably been tailing the woman.

“Well, that is all the Infinity Stones taken care of,” Loki said, sitting down beside her. 

He said nothing else and the air got a little heavy. Sarah liked to be considered a person who had things planned out, a forward thinker, but in this task she failed herself. She never really considered what they would do after defeating Thanos and returning the Stones.

She moved to speak and she got a little dizzy and nauseous, slumping against the back rest.

“Sarah?” 

“I’m fine,” she said despite the world slightly tilting. “I think my blood sugar dropped. I haven’t eaten anything substantial in a while.”

Loki made a herm sound, reaching up to touch her but then stopping. “May I check something?”

“Yeah,” she said after only a slight hesitation.

He reached up and touched her forehead, again something very clinical in the act. She thought she felt a slight warmth, and a haze of green light. His hand moved and he asked, “Did you eat anything on Thanos’ ship? While you were me?”

“There were these wafer things,” she barely remembered them. “They looked, and tasted, like nothing but flour, egg, and a dash of sugar.”

“Oh, this is my fault, I should have warned you,” he chastised himself.

“What?” Sarah did not like the sound of his voice.

“Those biscuits, if they are what I think they are, weren’t made for humans,” he said with a frown on his face that reached his eyes. “They have fortifying elements in them… heavy elements.”

“Heavy… elements…” Sarah swallowed hard. “Like thallium?”

“I’m not sure which one that is, but yes… you’ve been poisoned… and you are dying.”


End file.
